http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Keeping it going Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:34:33 +0000 a-n rss generator a-n The Artists Information Company and contributors edit@a-n.co.uk technical@a-n.co.uk http://www.a-n.co.uk/img/logo.gif http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I had hoped for Christmas to be refreshing time out and a chance to recharge my batteries, but instead it was mainly consumed by various different illnesses, and much scrabbling around to find the tissues. So that over with, back to normality (kind of).I have plans, a deadline, a performance piece and a few important decisions to make this month. I am waiting to find out more about the Margaret Harvey exhibition and when it might be and whether I can get any financial help. I also need to get my performance piece ready for the Surface Gallery exhibition taking place on the 6th February. This means a little white house to construct...more sewing!The other plans remain top secret at the moment. I will reveal all later if they happen, I have always seemed to speak too soon and then when it doesn't end up happening feel a bit of a ninny. So I'm being a bit cautious for now.I won't be getting in to the studio until Wednesday this week, I feel like I've been away so long. I almost expect to find a layer of dust over everything as I left in December. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I was so relieved to be back in the studio last week. After about 2 weeks off doing Christmas stuff, it was wonderful to just get back to the normal routine. I feel I have many things to sort out at the moment. I have got to make decisions and organise and for some reason I’m finding that really difficult. I have built January up to be a month of change and focus but now it’s here I just seem to be trundling along getting things done just as slowly as always and avoiding the main issues. I have been spending today repainting and refreshing the frame for my performance house. This slow and monotonous job is one that really seems to suit my mood right now. Wielding the paint brush around, splattering myself and my shoes with white paint, I kind of wondered away in my mind, following little day dreamy paths, reflecting and pondering. Where am I at and where am I going? I am constantly shuffling and reshuffling my thoughts, the usual thoughts. I have just finished reading the book by Phillippe Petit ‘To Reach the Clouds’ about his coup to wire walk between the twin towers in the 70s. It is such a powerful tale, I can’t help but to feel affected by it and by him. I think about the things we do, the efforts made, for seemingly pointless feats. To stretch our human restraints, to feel connected to the world, to see a challenge out of being alive and to focus all fibre of self to that challenge. A need to experience but more importantly be experienced by others, inspires a man to over come all natural instincts. It is encouragement just to read it, all these years later and be able to feel no uncertainty to its value today, to what a gift it is feeling that it is the closest to being human you can get. I never would have thought the tale of a wire walker in the 70s could feel so relevant and precious to me. It is so wonderful to hear something that rings your head like a bell. I thoroughly recommend a read (or watch, as it is also a film)! Anyway, in reality of today, I must get back to my jobs…. I must complete my house and I must keep those wheels turning.(Wire walker just kept a shadow in the back of my mind)    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I have been rotating around the studio from one task to another. I have been balancing my time between, building my performance tent for the Surface Gallery opening and working on new ideas and drawings. It’s a weird leap back and forwards from the remaking of something older and moving on to new unchartered territory. There is always that excitement of playing with new ideas but always more uncertainty and doubt. I can go from feeling elated that something seems to be igniting a spark, then a sudden drop down in to a low when it seems to do a U-turn and turn on me. There is much safety in making the tried and tested, which allows a little moment of emotional calm. I’m pleased to have a bit of both going on.   Aside from this, in the back of my mind is the rearing up of financial worry. My hours at work have been cut and it looks like drastic change is on the horizon. I’m clocking up the sums in my mind and they don’t seem to add up. (Hopefully that’s just my bad Maths!). Whatever, this extra worry is really distracting and unnerving. The balance between working and art has been working out so far, I guess this set up is just too good to last. I may just have to muddle my way through for a while and hope things even out eventually.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I finished making the performance box for the Surface Gallery last week so I can now spend time this week working on the new things that I have been exploring on and off in between my sewing.  Well, saying that I have to sit at home tomorrow morning waiting to have my windscreen replaced. Car’s do have a tendency to give out little surprises when you least expect it. Thanks little fiesta! So I will have to get on with admin things for a few hours (always plenty to do in that area).  Last week we had a Trustees meeting and Jo presented our new DAT website. That should be online very shortly. It was a fairly positive meeting with lots of people turning out. We will hopefully have a new Trustee soon, an artist who also works for the University who came along as an observer, with the possibility of getting involved. This could be really beneficial to the progress of the DAT and bringing it a bit more up to date. Many of our current trustees are to say the least ‘getting on a bit’ and don’t seem to have the innovation to help us develop the reputation of the Trust as a dynamic and progressive group dealing with current debates in the contemporary art world. After discussing with a few other Fellows, most feel this new Trustee would be a positive move, but there is a deal of wariness of getting too closely linked with the University and not maintaining the Trust’s independence. I do believe there are real benefits and negatives to strong links with University of Hertfordshire but I’m sure a balance can be met. After all most of us are past graduates of the University and therefore will always be linked to it.    Next Sunday I’m travelling up to Nottingham to deliver my performance…house, box, thing. (I never really know what to call it, suggestions on a postcard please?!) Excitement, fear, anxiety – all building. They have put up the information on their website now. Seeing it there in black and white with a date and a time made me clench up and want to skip and dance (what is that all about?!)... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Managed to get my stuff delivered to Nottingham on Sunday before snow seemed to bring all to a stand still! There was a particularly hairy moment but not from any weather force. My box ended up being about 2 inches too wide for the door of the gallery. After some teasing and panicy pushing and pulling, it popped through. Phew! So it's there and I'm here. (Hoping weather permits me to get back up to it again on Friday otherwise it could end up being a very disappointing performance) I'm now back in the studio and attempting to carry on with other things... picking up ongoing ideas and trying to keep the making flow going.  Apart from that nothing exciting to write about at the moment. It definatley feels like a funny period for me. I feel very inbetween. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 It was a bit touch and go on Friday as I sat staring out into the thick blanket of snow that was building fast and filling the whole village around our house, whilst at the same time the radio blared at me… ‘serious weather warnings throughout the south east, people are advised not to travel and Luton Council are advising people DO NOT travel into Luton’. So our options were getting less and less. Train to Nottingham….but can’t get to Luton to catch it….drive to Nottingham….will we even get out of the village? We even contemplated walking along the dual carriage way into Luton to the train station, until we realised this would take hours! In the end with spade, food and woollies we decided to just try our luck in the car and see how far we could get before skidding into a ditch or getting stuck for three hours behind a lorry. With the help of a neighbour we got ourselves out of the drive after that to my huge relief we crawled out of the village at a snails pace and then on reaching the A1 were freed and on our way.  Everything after that seemed to just slot in to place. We made it to Nottingham in perfect time, checked into the hotel, called Jo to see if she too had made it through the weather and sure enough she arrived about an hour after us. So we all set off for the Surface Gallery.   Because of all the stress and worry of just getting myself there I had had no time to get worked up about performing. I had about two minutes as I stood apprehensively kitted out in my suit were my nerves started to show, babbling nonsense. As soon as I started the drawing though I felt the adrenaline kick in. I couldn’t even feel the cold of the unheated gallery. I was in my space and knew my role. Once again I observed the interactions that came and went as I observed and traced. There was curiosity mainly I think, to what I sat silently doing. Some people braver than others and able to play with the piece, while more timid ones stood back and tried to observe without being observed, moving away when they caught themselves appearing.   I drew for two and a half hours and climbed out at 8.30pm blurry eyed but elated. I really think people were fascinated by the piece, and having peoples attention for that time felt amazing. I think you can never tell how something is going to sit in a particular place with a particular audience, but this time it worked well. I’ve come away now mulling over and trying to digest the feelings that the experience gave me. It has given me so much to think about.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I had my first meeting about the solo exhibition I was awarded from Margaret Harvey open last year. It went really well I think, but made me realise it’s not that far away and I need to get myself organised. I need to have a rough outlined proposal by 2nd March. This shouldn’t be a problem but always this part of decision making seems to be the hardest bit for me. All these possibilities! We discussed what my options are and they are pretty open. I am free to experiment, free to make new work, free to perform and free to work in the space for the duration of the exhibition. On one side this feels me with bubbly excitement, but on the reverse it feels a bit like I’m balancing on the side of a cliff without railings. Sometimes restrictions and rules can be quite a comfort. I want to use this opportunity to its full potential but this thinking creates even more pressure. I’m sure there will be a few episodes of waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat on the horizon.   One thing that is a huge relief this time is the extra support that I will be getting, a technician to help me make things and an experienced curator to give me advice. After the stress and worry that came from doing the Red Gate exhibition last year it was a massive relief to hear that although it’s mine to plan, I will have a team to help me do it. Phew!  So now my mind is on over drive, mulling over the possibilities of the space. My practice seems to be growing into many different areas and mediums, with many different lines of enquiry. This has meant that there is probably a danger of trying to do too much or to confuse the space. I think it is vital to be very thoughtful when I make my decisions about the area I am going to focus on. This will be a very good opportunity to contemplate my practice and really focus on what it is about and where it may lead from this point. I hope that like the Red Gate was, it will be an opportunity that sparks further movement in my exploration and greater understanding of how my work is developing.      ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I picked up my piece from the Surface Gallery yesterday. I always sense there is a strange feeling hanging in the air when taking down work at the end of a show. I'm not down about it as such but heavy and quietly contemplating. I had been on such a high when I was doing my performance; it was so immediate and spontaneous, now it feels strange to just be looking at a memory. Time moves on and work comes down...  But I have been excited to spend time looking over the drawings I have made. They seem to tell tales about the evening but also make up their own too. To me each outline represents a moment of contact with a viewer that felt at the time intimate, distant and strange all simultaneously. It was such a strange form of muted contact with another person and made me feel like someone else. I guess it gave me certain control of the situation although restricted my ability to be a part of the scene. I sat separate and anonymous, sometimes ignored, sometimes provoking intrigue, placed right in the centre of the room but contained in a separate space. I'm not sure how the drawings work out of their original context but there is something I really like. Maybe I'm just so deeply involved with the process? I love it when a piece of work surprises and opens up another trail to follow.    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I’ve fallen on to page four of the blog pages… that doesn’t give a sense of keeping it going that I’d like to have at the moment. The reason I haven’t written is because I knew I would have hardly anything to say since the central thing going on for me over the last two months, I haven’t allowed myself to tell anyone about. (In the hope of reducing any pressure or expectation of me, to which I have discovered didn’t make a snitch of a difference to the experience as the worst culprit in my life of placing pressure on me is… surprise, surprise…ME!   Since Christmas I made the decision that I would apply to do an MA. To cut a very long drawn out episode short… I applied to Wimbledon to do their Fine Art Drawing MA, went for an interview and after two weeks of convincing myself that the interview went terribly, got accepted. Yay!   That little ‘yay’ really does mean a lot. I have been thinking about doing an MA for a long time and have felt so ready to do it and have wanted to do it at Wimbledon with a passionate feeling that it is the right course and place for me. The agony of thinking I had screwed up a little interview and blown my opportunity was quite a kick and a wobble. After almost literally biting the post woman’s hand off everyday for the last two weeks it came last Friday, by which time my nerves were wrecked and I was laid up in bed with the worst stomach bug I’ve had since I was a kid and could barely be bothered to crawl down the stairs half an hour after I originally heard the letterbox flutter so innocently. So there it was in writing ‘unconditional offer’ wonderrrrfulllll!  So now I’m almost upright again and starting to whistle a happy tune as I start to contemplate new and exciting challenges and influences that will be coming my way. The only thing I now need to wait for is to find out whether I can get funding for it. I should find this out by May. I got my application in early so that I could be considered for the Arts and Humanities Research Council funding and since Wimbledon have been awarded the block funding from them, I now have to wait on Wimbledon’s decision on who they will be awarding their Studentships to. If I don’t get this funding….. um…. I’m not sure really…. grow money in the back garden?? Then will come the dilemma. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Slowly getting back to normal routine this week thankfully. Last Friday I went along to the launch of Escalator held at the Wysing Arts Centre. Provided with name badge on arrival the day began with a ‘mingle’ and then we were seated in lecture style. (I got quite excited about being in this formal position of receiving information that I haven’t been in for such a while). I felt very student-like.  The overall focus of the presentation was to debate what do artists do? And what do artists want?- in order to explore how best to run the escalator project. With a room full of mainly artists and some curators from across the region, there were plenty of different opinions flying around. By the time we had been stimulated and loosened up by a controversial project by the artist Phyllida Barlow and involved in an interactive performance by artists Charlotte Thrane and Maria Zahle, we were left with lots of ideas to discuss over our lunch. Practically we seemed to all need the obvious things but more broadly speaking the issues where much more of a debate. I felt that as the day went on it became really apparent to me that the whole experience of ‘being there’ debating and discussing in this manner is exactly what most of us want. We all want time and space, money to produce, support and advice but this discussion process and link to peers, feels so important. Phyllida threw in a red rag and it was fresh and unusual and got our cogs turning. It is very important for an artist to feel they have a presence within these wider debates and to see their own concerns in relation to others. I feel it allowed me to gain a bit of perspective on my own situation and really consider these questions.   One thing that came up that I did find intriguing was this focus on location. All being from the East, some artists felt their location to be a significant factor in their identity as an artist. Suddenly I was being called a regional artist but I don’t know what this means to me. I don’t think I’ve given it much thought before. London reared itself up in conversations like a big monster; a vacuum that drew everything into it and threatened the identity of ‘regional’ artists, even it was suggested looked down on us. Really? Must we get defensive about our location? Do we have to defend ourselves and our identities against the hip and trendy of London? I have never felt living in the East defines me as an artist. It has been helpful living so close to London but I don’t feel that I must go there to be taken seriously or alternatively that I should reject it, just being an artist is enough definition for me. It did get me thinking about these issues of place though.   ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I am so excited at the moment about the things going on with my practice and the changes ahead. I love looking ahead to things, feeling a certain amount of pressure and having plans. On Tuesday I went along to the Margaret Harvey Gallery to meet up with Matthew and Amisha, the curators at the gallery and Mark the technician to talk through the ideas, plans and dates. It was a good meeting and I have come away feeling very excited about working with them. They have each been very encouraging and supportive. This has made me feel much more composed about having a solo exhibition compared to the constant feeling of doom that hung over me leading up to the Red Gate last year.     This bit of the early planning is the hardest because things are still so open and changeable. I guess as time goes along and the date gets closer then things have to get more and more specific.  For now however, I am trying not to go down that mental trap of attempting to finalise for safety. Past experience has taught me that remaining open and adaptable as much as possible right up to the date allows the work to grow and evolve in response to the show, tending to lead to much more unexpected, exciting outcomes.   After the meeting it was right back to the studio to get down to the planning and experimenting. Of course, although I want to keep things from finalising, I have to make some commitments to the routes I am going to pursue. I know that I will be constructing an installation drawing and roughly, what it will be but how is still a little unclear.  I also have committed myself to a performance. Outside these two main decisions things are still fairly fluid at the moment.    On Friday I started some of the actual physical building of my drawing. This will be the most complicated thing to construct because it is going to be a 2d/3d line piece. These involve much measuring, calculating and accuracy. Definitely not something to be left until last minute, so I feel the earlier I get on the case with this the more relaxed I’m going to be about experimenting with the show as a whole. The fact that I have very little permanent physical work and that pretty much everything is made for a certain event/exhibition and then is gone, makes time and money a major anxiety factor when embarking on a new project. I find comfort in extreme organisation. Organisation and flexibility will hopefully be my strategy for surviving this show and making it successful.   ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I did have a decent amount of time in the studio this week but strangely didn’t feel as productive as I thought I might. I have so much to be getting on with and have a clear idea of the steps I need to be taking to get things progressing, yet for some reason the brain didn’t really feel like engaging with the tasks. It’s frustrating to have a bad mood come along and disable my productivity for a good few days. Friday I sort of managed to shake it off enough to make some progress but I felt annoyed at myself for wasting so much time floating around with a vacant head on. Where did it come from?  Now it’s Saturday and I’m back at the gallery working. We are having a closing down sale; the inevitable is happening and what will happen to my job after the end of April -who knows! Like always with this job I’m keeping my head down, my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. I need it more than I am admitting to myself really. It is my only steady income and allows things to tick over (although admittedly only just).  I have also this week started looking into studios available around this area and this has been another thing that has darkened my mood. There seems to be so little on offer. I really want to remain part of a studio group rather than working in an isolated space. I still have a year left at Digswell Arts Trust but am aware of how hard it is to find a good place to work and am trying to be prepared. Instead it is just leaving me a little despondent. Basically, I am not going to be able to afford anything and if there is some little diamond place out there at an affordable price, will I ever find it? How will I survive without a place to work? I have got the 2 year MA course due to start in September and all the cost of that. Even if I do get the funding it’s going to be expensive, so much uncertainty….blah, blah, blah. I will stop now; it would appear I’m currently only in the mood to see problems and negatives. I hope to write a much more positive post soon.   I am very grateful for having a place to spill out my anxieties and was lightened up this morning by a good read of  other recent posts. I find myself addicted to checking fellow bloggers updates and finding out how they are getting on. It has given me a real valuable insight into how other artists manage the everyday reality of being an artist. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 This week has mostly been spent away from the studio; I was working on my installation drawing on Tuesday. So far, all seems to be coming together quite successfully (dare I even suggest smoothly? argh….not yet!!!) I’m enjoying seeing it come together though, especially as it feels a little like I’m working it all out as I go along. Each time I approach one of these drawings I start by scratching my head, and um-ing rather a lot, trying to recall how I even start. Like beginning anything it involves me staring at a blank white wall feeling the weight of emptiness.  Wednesday I spent the day in London with Quintin. It felt wonderful having set aside this whole day for seeing art and being together. We started the day at the Roni Horn exhibition at the Tate Modern. We spent ages here, and especially lingered in the room with the photos of the Thames and the glass cast. I came out deep in contemplation and provoked in thought. I am fascinated by how she made me feel about what I already know but never really recognised. I was reading an article by Hilary Mantel on the train down about wonderfully interesting books and how when she reads something really interesting it is like someone articulating thoughts she had never known how to articulate before. I guess seeing a good exhibition kind of does the same, you come out brimming with what feels to me like more of an understanding and more questions about yourself. We then went round the Rodchenko and Popova- Defining Constructivism. A complete contrast to what we had just seen, but knowing so little about this movement when I went in, I felt I came out the other side with an enthusiasm to find out more. After lunch we went over to the Hayward to see Mark Wallinger’s exhibition ‘The Russian Linesman’ and got a bonus as our ticket took us in to the Annette Messager exhibition. This was an unexpected treat. I knew nothing of her work before but loved it. It was very dark, bizarre and horrific. It was like being trapped in someone else’s disturbed yet strangely playful mind.   The rest of the week was spent doing family stuff, with a bit of decorating. Finally I could afford sometime to lend Q a hand around the house. Next week I plan to get myself back to studio work.      ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Another week has sped by and what have I been up to? I worked the bank holiday over at another shop in Hatfield. Joy, oh joy! But it’s a job at least. (restrain the full moan!)  The rest of the week for some reason, I’m finding it hard to recall, it has gone so quickly. I have been working on the drawing on and off but have been combining it with other more pressing tasks - like my personal statement. I find I have a strange relationship with the activity of statement writing. Sometimes I feel a slight resentment at having to constantly be writing, rewriting, searching for words that sum up and justify a whole ever changing practice. Other times it feels like a really useful reflection and reassessment of things. But for some reason the words of the curator of the C4RD gallery come back to me when I sit down to start one… ‘Artist’s usually aren’t good at writing about their work’.  Are we the best people to be explaining our own work? I don’t think it’s out of laziness that I sometimes don’t feel it appropriate to write bumf of text (my sketch book is filled with pages of notes) I like writing… I like writing this blog and reflect constantly, but I hate writing something that accompanies a piece of work and could be taken as fact. The word 'statement' sounds very final and official. I don’t know maybe I'm just thinking too much about it. What does everyone else think about this? Do we read, write and value statements and explanations? I just know, like my statements, my opinion of them is ever changing.   Well anyway, I have almost got there with the statement - as much as I can at this point in time. By the time the exhibition comes round though I will probably be feeling quite uncomfortable about my stated claims, so please don’t take anything I write as concrete. It is all subject to change!  I did also last week go and find out more about a proposed plan for a new studio group in Hertford. It looks positive, although very early days so I’m not packing my bags just yet, but it does seem to have potential. Fingers crossed on that one and plenty more to find out. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Statement is done; Amisha sent me the proof of the invite to look over, which was quite exciting. I couldn’t decide on which image to use so sent a few for her to choose from. She went for the one of me performing - I had a feeling she would.   I find I have a number of different things on the go now and not sure exactly where some of them are going but I am enjoying working in this way and letting one idea feed off of another. Having this coming up has really helped me to focus on the different threads in my practice and follow some that I have only toyed with in the past. It seems like a good time to reflect on my practice as a whole but fortunately doesn’t allow me a chance to get too diverted or confused, I know I must just keep hard at it and stay focused, as well as keep a little faith. I feel like I am just skimming the surface of confusion and bafflement as a survival mechanism now (time for all that later)…. For now just keep making, keep exploring and keep focusing on the ideas but don’t try to resolve. I am really excited just trying things out. It feels like such a luxury!   Tonight I’m going to a meeting over in Hertford about the proposed studios. I hope this goes well. I feel very excited about meeting some of the other artists that are getting involved and looking forward to seeing things move forward. High hopes are risky but I still can’t help but have them! ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 It has been a fairly productive week. I have felt quite invigorated turning up at the studio each morning with a clear set of tasks before me. You could say just a little too invigorated maybe… I have noticed that my stuff seems to be growing quite out of control. I have a fair sized space and probably if I was a more organised, less erratic worker, it would be ample for me to operate within without this involuntary sprawl.  But for some reason when in the midst of working out some idea my brain can’t seem to operate in an orderly fashion. Suddenly I find myself out in the corridor, lying across the walkway trying something new around something old, tripping over some stray piece of wire or an old bit of work. I push things clumsily out the way, squash little wire doors with my clumsy feet, traipse accidental footprints on my stray notepaper and sketches, tea gets cold and lunch gets eaten about 3 hours after a traditional lunching time. It is a bit like I forget that I am there; forget that the body needs manoeuvring with at least a little bit of care and also does require a bit of food and water at times. There is definitely a touch of frantic in the way I work.   The meeting about the Hertford studios last week has still left a lot of uncertainties. Mainly because it is not built yet and therefore it feels impossible to really know what a space in it would be like. Things are pretty fluid and changeable at this stage. Saying this however, I have come to the decision that I will take a calculated risk and get involved and keep an option in the future. However, it has been agreed that I won’t make a final decision until I have viewed a building that exists and my deposit can be refunded if it is just unworkable. There is real potential for the project though and a great chance for an art community to establish itself. The woman setting it up has a genuine passion for seeing it a success. I really admire her for taking on such a task. The space will be cheaper than what I am paying now but subsequently much smaller…hence my way of working possibly being problematic. However, I comfort myself (and maybe other artists who may now be feeling unsure about sharing a space with such a menace as the one described above) by remembering the tiniest of space I had at uni and I managed. I am hoping that my practice has just grown to fit the space available and therefore maybe persuaded to be reversed and shrunk down a little.  I guess we just do what we can with the space we’ve got. It might be time to start exploring the world of miniatures!       ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Last week was a bit of a non-week in terms of art work. I did over-time at work, was babysitting my niece and finishing the decorating. After all this I was only left one day at the studio and by the end of the week found myself getting a bit itchy about my absence. So this week I’m hoping to scratch that itch and get back down to it.   11 weeks until the show which seems ages or maybe not. It’s very hard to gauge time scales. How long will it take me to sew another two houses, get some prints done, finish a drawing, make a performance house and tend to any other last minute issues and decisions? How long is a piece of string? I guess the point will come that I just have to stop and put up and say this is were I am at right now. If I had ten years or ten days it would just be a different stop off point.     ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I’m having trouble writing this morning. I barred myself from checking blogs and emails over the weekend because by the end of last week I had started to feel odd about this online world. Sometimes I struggle to get my head round it. I remember when I started to use Facebook worried I was missing out on something. I began wary of the alien space, and then got really into it, then realised I was checking it obsessively and felt it was warping my sense of reality. Subsequently, I left (although was pretty annoyed that I couldn’t delete my profile but could only disable it). Friday I started to consider how I feel about this online blog space. I read Alex Pearl’s description of what he got out of it and even though it was all very positive I felt deflated reading it. Also last week in a discussion with an artist friend she mentioned agenda and that when reading anything you should consider the writers agenda. Then this morning I read David Minton’s latest post and couldn’t bring myself to write the regular weekly update that I normally do. If as a writer I always have an agenda how can it be untangled in faceless exchanges that solely exist as words? In some ways for me it makes me feel more isolated, more anxious, and more vulnerable than in physical reality. David talks about trusting each other but I don’t understand how you can trust such an obscure world. It seems impossible not to be anxious about being misinterpreted, especially as your whole online identity is based on what you say. It’s quite intense to me but it has made me do a lot of thinking and questioning. That's why I still do it.   I too feel there is an element of courage that I have to find to click ‘publish’ at the end of a post.  Gulp.      ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 'The level of competition this year for limited funding was high and I regret to inform you that the panel was unable to recommend that your application be submitted to the AHRC'BUM!... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 'I understand that this will disappoint you, but hope that you will continue with your plans to take up your place as an MA student and look forward to welcoming you to this College' Things are looking grim. I sat up last night and looked at my options. Sitting in my dressing gown at midnight staring at the fire place, I failed to find them. So the dilemma has reared its bloody head and dropped a ton of bricks on my dreams of doing the ma. There is a vital ingredient and I now don’t have it…. money.    Does anyone know where I might turn at this stage? Does anyone else fund courses?   I wasn’t prepared for how bad this would feel and how hopeless my chances would now look; I had blocked it all out. Can I really, after all end up not doing the course? The idea makes me feel sick. But the thought of how I might do it makes me feel sick too! Expensive bank loans, rinsing my family, working every hour, living on nothing, relying on other people, setting up a sexy chat line, etc, etc….   Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it’s like having it waved in front of my face and then whipped away. I know it was really foolish of me to rely on funding but that was my only option…to hope and hope for it.   And I don’t know why I was unsuccessful. I don’t know what let me down…. The standard of work, my location, my fellowship, my age, my hair colour? What were they judging me on? I am not deserved enough. (In a pathetic whimpering voice)   I am really sorry that I am just spewing self pity on this page…but I honestly don’t know what else to do at this moment in time. Who would understand the utter frustration of it quite like other artists do?   Oh you cruel, cruel world! Ok, so get over it start working out options…  I’ll have to get back to you on that one…..  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Wow, this has been really helpful. Ok, so I haven’t solved my financial problem, but the discussion and advice has been very valuable and much appreciated, the generosity of other artists and their desire to offer advice and support leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling inside, I’m finding myself wanting to say - you guys! and jab my computer screen with an affectionate style punch - weird! Seriously though, it has got me considering and re-evaluating how I originally (before all the issue of money came into it) came to the decision that an MA was best for me.   There is nothing like lack of money to give you a wake up call to the real world. Things cost money, living costs money (duh) and most significantly for my practice, progress costs money! The relevance of cost to my decision making has been miniscule in the grand scheme of things. Generally, I am a person who finds it hard to consider money, either accumulating it or parting with it. Someone mentions selling, costs, income, anything money related and I have this strange reaction with eyes glazing over and involuntary yawning. This, I think is why sometimes it bites me back so hard. Suddenly I find it has the authority over a situation so important to me and my delusional state of mind that I am hardly influenced by it, that there will always be a way round it, is shattered by a sudden hard to swallow dose of reality. I suddenly realise that my avoidance tactics is just plain irresponsible. I have to consider how my practice is going to become more sustainable, I am failing myself by not facing up to how the real world works.       But I can’t at the moment, start beating myself up over this failing. It is pretty irrelevant to my situation now. Hopefully these kinds of problems can be considered and tackled when I am on the MA. The main point now is that I have decided that one way or another I am getting my arse on that course! It is the right step for me now and I want it. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I’ve managed to get some good time in the studio over the last week or so and this week hopefully is going to be a good one too for getting things done. On one hand there is the fear that the over time I’m promised at work won’t materialise or alternatively it does and will leave me no time to get all the pieces finished for the exhibition. For now though I have time to get on with the art work so I’m keeping hard at it.   Probably the most interesting thing I did last week was go to the BCA to see Alex Pearl’s exhibition. Right on the high street, opposite the hustle and bustle of Bedford’s Saturday market was the understated and wonderfully endearing world of Pearl. Through reading his blog I felt I had had a little feel for the humorous look at his own sense of failure and anti-climax. The exhibition was to me a wonderful celebration of our limitations and disappointments and one I feel I can really identify with…. the not quite brave enough. It was such a mix of playful, pathetic, witty, with an underlying sense of some pitiful disappointment. They had an interview with Alex; it was completely fascinating, having read his blog for a while, following his many humorous stories of the blunders and embarrassments, to see him (that sounds a bit stalker-ish), but listening to the interview its hard to differentiate between the work and the person, (not that he’s pitifully disappointing) but the work is so him or maybe it’s just so us, so real life, and acceptant and reflective of something we try to avoid and mask so much, the failure. I was so glad to have seen it. Thanks Alex!    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Life at the moment is a lot of just getting on with it; getting on with the sewing, getting on with the soldering, getting on with the traces, getting on with the decision making. It’s all turned in to the very practical period of doing. ‘Doing’ is boring to comment on; ‘doing’ is a happy, safe, comforting, friendly place. My fingers are occupied so my brain can mull but just float on that surface and gently feel the passing of time.  ‘Doing’ makes me feel like a worker, a noble grafter with purpose, even if the job is just sewing a length of material or constructing a mini wire door. Let me just hum and do, just occasionally branding myself with the hot solder iron and slowly scratching away the ends of my fingers with jagged wire and needles.   Sometimes it really feels that the action is where the sense lies; it is the core, where my practice lives, it’s the friendly face, where things are more in harmony with my being, more mellow. It’s the calm in my head, in between the searching out and the making sense, away from the eyes and thoughts of others. It’s the eye of my storm. Quiet and deceptively simple.     ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I never thought I would be so delighted at the prospect of a 7 day week at work, that’s earning work rather than art work, but next week I’m even enthused and a little excited about the prospect of a bit of customer service. You lucky public! Each day I’m going to hear that imaginary MA fees savings tin - chink, chink and will be smiling.   Ok, so it’s a bitter sweet blessing, as of course no time in the studio, but right now getting my savings together for the long term is much more pressing. I knew this summer was going to be a write off for both studio work and any chance of getting out enjoying the sun…that’s fine. It’s not forever.   Luckily I think I’m pretty organised for the exhibition in July and the time off for setting up is all arranged. Dee from the Hertford Studios text to say the studios are well on their way to being complete in a few weeks and enrolment info from Wimbledon has come through.   I’m feeling positive again, yay!... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Oh dear. There's been a bit of a blunder.... and I'm not completely blameless. Tuesday night I happened to look again at the invite to my exhibition and almost instantly I noticed an error with the spelling of my surname within the text, twice! Cue cold sweats, buzzing ears and a sudden sickening to the belly. This is the proof copy which I agreed to. I did a Usain Bolt to the telephone eager for Amisha to calm me by telling me casually that there was nothing to worry about, they had noticed it and all was well.   This however, did not happen. What I got was an email the following day:    'Unfortunately, once the sign off has been received from the artist invite goes to print. I have had a look at the invite and although the the surname is incorrect in the text, it is correct in the main title line. It is not ideal but the proof was widely circulated and also approved by you. I am sorry about this regrettably we are unable to reprint the invite due to budget restraints.' (notice typo!)   I consequently stewed over it for a few days trying to decide what to do, whether I could let it be, get out my Tippex, or call the whole thing off!   So now a kind of calm has restored itself to my mind. I feel I have no choice but to give it all up.....     Well maybe that is a little extreme;   Instead, I'm going to just pay to get them reprinted, but what a bummer. The most amazing thing was having a gallery pay for this kind of stuff and through stupid carelessness and taking others judgement for granted, I now have to start paying out again. What a wally Christina 'Byrant', 'Byryant'!   That lesson can at least be ticked off the list of things to learn, I guess. Look to the positives.     Always be thorough in checking the proof. (especially with those vital details like NAME!)   Check    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050   I did write a post on Sunday, let it sit on my computer for a few days and then re-read it today and instantly decided I clearly could not post it.   Last week was a bit of a come down after the illusion I was under the other week that things were moving forward. It does seem to work that way I’ve noticed. A few good weeks, a run of excitement and positive feelings then….crash!   Last week was a crash, bang, wallop. After finding out about the invites and the mistake (which I think I did take quite well) things got frustrating. The gallery didn’t appear to be helping me out at all, in fact they seemed to be largely detached from my concern, resistant…maybe even defensive? All I wanted was the file and to get it re-printed but everything that should have been simple, got complicated and I felt I was running around chasing my tail. (Accept I don’t have a tail and was in fact just chasing my arse….clearly a lot less fun)   Without going on too much, I got more and more stressed and then had a fuck it! moment - I’m not taking on the cost of their mistake. If they are willing to let it go out with errors then who am I to fight to change it. I was sat looking at this invite splashed with all their logos and just couldn’t fathom in the end why I was trying so desperately hard, on my own, to make it right. I have been working away for months on the work for the show. Financially, I am being squeezed and bent from all directions, something is going to burst. I don’t want it to be my head, so I’m backing off from this problem now and focusing back on my responsibilities, the work!   There’s more to tell regarding the Hertford studios but I’ll just have to save that treat for another day. It’s just one piece of bollocks after another here!   But hey ho I’m still smiling…..or maybe it’s morphing more into a painful grimace. Isn’t art fun!  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Daylight…working   Late night… sewing   (and that’s about it for this week)   Off on holiday to Devon next week. Can’t wait for the break, really hoping the weather stays good!   Will be returning with only a week until the exhibition goes up. Getting just a little bit wobbly about everything. The worries and doubts are trying to find a way in, hopefully I can hold them off until after my holiday. Not sure I would of scheduled the holiday at quite this time had I known when we booked, but maybe it is a bit of a blessing in disguise... some relaxing time out.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Mmmm, the holiday was a welcomed break. I couldn’t completely switch off from the general feeling of impending doom deep in my gut but did occasionally drift away and forget myself and the tension. We hardly even mentioned the words…art, ma, exhibition, savings, invite or anything like these reoccurring themes that usually dominate. Instead we often found ourselves whimsically commenting with a bit of a sigh ‘Oh, bit grey today’ ‘Looks like rain again’ and 'shall we take a walk on the beach' Oh, to be a semi-relaxed person for a week.   It’s rather strange, I’ve been back 4 days and am yet to go to the studio.(have been back at work everyday since) Mark is coming to collect the work on Thursday and I feel so far away from it all that I can’t really remember if everything is ready. I appear to quite unconsciously have fallen out of gear. This has therefore led to the result of sleepless nights. My days are in auto pilot and my nights are in- ‘lets go over everything 10 times’.  I will be glad to just get going with it all now. I have that usual mixture of child-like excitement and adult-like pressure that seems to build up just before an exhibition. Knowing that I have to build it all in the 4 days next week and perform on the opening night makes me feel a little bit dizzy about the week, but the thrill of having this space to show in is frantically bouncing around inside my chest. It is all a strange mix of emotions.   So down to the studio tomorrow to assess the situation, oh and hopefully catch up with the other Fellows who probably think I have disappeared.       ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Work has been packed up and transported away from the nice cosy studio space that it knows so well and left to grow more accustomed to it’s new home ‘the gallery’. I went along for the first trip over to help unload at the other end and have a nose at the gallery now it’s been set up in position ready for me to install. My initial thought as soon as I walked in….. ‘Shit, this space is big!’ I’ve seen it many times before, but never empty… wow the shock of emptiness!   There was my little pile of bits and pieces whimpering discreetly in the corner, looking at me with pleading (take me home) eyes, almost shrinking and cowering at these huge bare white walls. I wanted to give it a bloody good shake and demand that it ‘grow some balls and stop being so pathetic!’ On Monday we are going to have to take on this space and take charge. So it’s got a few days to settle.   Settling seems to be something I myself am struggling with. Friday was a gap in my schedule and a day to just potter, get a few last bits and relax. I might of felt the benefits if I could just get a proper night sleep. I can’t switch off and am annoying myself as I toss and turn and huff and puff into the early hours. I don’t even feel particularly nervous or worried, just excited. But the more nights that pass without a decent rest the more hysterical I am liable to get…someone give me a bloody good shake and tell me to grow some balls!   Well, tonight is a new night so fingers crossed for the sleep fairy to bring me a nice present.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050  continued..... In terms of how to see myself moving closer to a more sustainable practice, financially, I want to learn more about how to balance it. I find so far looking to other artists that I really admire (not just at their work but how they conduct themselves) gives me some guidance. The a-n blogs have really helped me gain access to what others are doing at ground level. I also often look at other artists C.V and get a feel for what decisions they have made to get where they are.   Mainly I am concentrating on just trying to get on with it, in the way I know how- a little bit of feeling my way in the dark, a little bit trying to pick things up as I go, and a little bit of what feels right. I don’t know if this is an answer to Andrew’s question but it’s the best I can do at this stage. I don’t think I have found my practice for the long term, I’ve just found how it works best for me for now.       ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Have I ‘found my practice’? I thought maybe Andrew might have gone mad or emailed the wrong person when he sent me this question. I didn’t really know I was supposed to be looking for it. This particular worry, I have obviously forgotten to worry about, what with all the other things to worry about (until he asked it and now I’m racking my brains as to where and when I might have last seen it!). Shit! Has anyone seen my practice?!!   I was always in the mind set of just ‘keeping it going’ and making things meet somehow, seeing through another year and having a little personal whoop-whoop moment now and again to myself for not throwing in the towel. I’m paddling frantically under here (is this not what we are all doing?) trying to keep the waters in motion.   I think I am probably quite an irresponsible artist in regards to maintaining a practice that is realistic and sustainable. I seem to shy away from the issues of finding funding and applying for grants or anything else that requires me to fit particular criteria. I cling to my part time job because it asks nothing of me as an artist and allows me a clear distinction between when I earn and when I create. This often does make me question if I even have a practice. The money I may earn from my own artwork is usually just a lucky one off and considered a bonus. I know this is not the way to move ‘my practice’ forward for the long term but it helps me, for now work on what I consider ‘my true practice’ (the one that exists to learn rather than earn). The most important thing to me now is creating space, time and freedom to be able to work with as little compromise as possible. I do work very hard trying to ‘get it out there’ and get people interested in my ideas but ultimately my work is not to fulfil anyone else’s expectation. If I focused on what I ‘should’ be doing I fear the results would only be contrived and empty. I guess a lot of it comes down to intuition and allowing yourself space to listen to it. For now I maintain this view but who knows how this may change in the future. I feel like the only way for me to make it work is keep an open mind and be prepared to adapt, yet stay confident and focused on what feels right to me.  continued on previous post...... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Finished putting up yesterday at about 6pm. The whole experience of hanging and organising the work was rather a rollercoaster of emotions. The 3 days seemed like one long blur of frantic drawing, climbing up and down ladders, a bit of um-ing and ah-ing and a very large amount of going home and thinking well into the night about those little niggling worries. But on finishing yesterday a huge wave of relief came over me… I felt happy with it. Of course there are still little things I wish I had more time on and some things I might have done slightly differently. As always this new space teaches me new things and really questions each of the choices I have made. It emphasises to me more the importance of growing more experienced in showing your work and moving it in to unfamiliar spaces. It really helps it to take on new faces, quite often ones that are even strange and new to me.      So performing tonight. I’m quite calm, just keen to enjoy it and hoping those who come do too.   ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050   I really enjoyed doing the performance last week. After the madness of setting up, the worry and the sleepless nights it was a great relief from the hard work. I felt I just slipped into the zone and relaxed into the flow. People buzzed around me with glasses of wine, most faces were familiar and friendly. People weren’t afraid to play around with the piece so it was a lively drawing session. I received many compliments and there seemed to be real intrigue in the pieces, but I find it so hard to comment on people’s reception of the work. No one looked bored or uninterested that I saw, so I recon that’s a positive.   St Albans Review did a preview feature on the exhibition last week which my aunty had cut out and bought to the launch for me to take home. It felt strangely comforting, clutching this little newspaper clipping (proof of the show in someone else’s words) as I was slumped in the passenger seat as Q drove me home. Home for egg and chips and ‘Mock the Week’ Just what I needed!   In this new space the work looks new and fresh to me. It feels like I’m looking down on myself a bit, I have a strange feeling of detachment from the whole scene. In this public space the work appears to have ditched me and branched out alone. Even in the performance I felt like part of me was floating off somewhere else (although maybe that is just down to the long periods without sleep!)   So for now I’m just paying frequent visits to the gallery, spending my days chatting to the invigilators and the occasional visitor and processing the whole experience.       ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 ...continued Therefore we have decided that a big part of this Open Studios will be collaboration. We are going to work collectively in a designated part of the studio over the three weeks, adding when and how we want to, creating interventions and responses to the space and each others contributions. The space will evolve and our actions will be documented along the way. Although it was not mentioned in the meeting I feel myself that this is our own way of trying to respond to and address the position we find ourselves in after last year. I really don’t know what will happen in the space, but from Monday the project begins.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I had expected to be concentrating now on doing the last push of over time before the ma. However, I find that there are lots to do. We are having an open studios exhibition at Digswell on the 12th and 13th September, keeping it short and sweet. Wednesday night we got together for a meeting to discuss the organising of it and ideas for the opening to be held on Friday 11th September.   Digswell Arts Trust is an organisation that celebrates its origins, looks back to the good old days of the radical 60’s through those rose tinted glasses. It has had some excellent artists through it’s doors more recently as well but those seem not to be acknowledged widely or just quietly shelved maybe until their names might be more recognisable to the mainstream. Who knows?   What we know for sure now is that we, the artists are definitely not the things that the Trust is primarily about. The Trust is about the past.   Last year we attempted to apply ourselves to developing the future of the Trust, we tried to contribute our efforts and be proactive and recognise our responsibility to the Trust and it’s survival. A year down the line however, we are left despondent and disillusioned with regards to our efforts. (On Andrews advice-large chunk removed due to confidentiality issues) Opps!  This is why the talk last year of developing the Digswell Arts Trust stopped from the side of the artists and from my blog. I have not been to a Trustee meeting since. I really can’t see the point.                         So as you can probably imagine, getting back on this Open Studios ride and readdressing our identity as Digswell Artists again, is one I thought we would be reluctant to do.     However, it was a good meeting, most people turned up and after a time of throwing different ideas into the mix we found ourselves in agreement that we would again use it as an opportunity to try out new things, work together and show our worth as artists. I could feel that there was a real desire to not just fall away from each other. We can’t change the Trust as we have discovered, but we still are a group of artists. continued...... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 Not sure I should necessarily be posting posts like the last one. (clearly not, Andrew has since advised me to remove a section from it) It can be quite difficult to gauge how much is appropriate to say on a blog. I do acknowledge that Digswell Arts Trust does provide much needed affordable studio space in an area where it is so few and far between. Without my space I know things would have been so much harder after graduation. I don’t want to seem ungrateful; it’s just very frustrating when you feel something with such potential isn’t anywhere near reaching it and you can do nothing really to influence that.    Anyway moving on. Last Saturday was the last day of the Margaret Harvey exhibition and there was a closing view in the afternoon. It was a great chance to be around to chat to people about the exhibition. I had expected it to be just a few of my friends that hadn’t managed to make the opening, but I was delighted to meet some people that had visited the exhibition during the 2 weeks and had made the effort to come back to meet me and chat about the work. One man came along who specialises in this particular area of visual science and perspective and its history. It was quite fascinating to discuss it with someone with such a specific knowledge, from such a scientific angle. The contrast in our approaches to this subject was really interesting. Him asking me ‘had I heard of this rule and that person and did I know the scientific name for what it was that I am actually doing?’ My answers were mostly ‘no’ and I admit I felt quite uninformed and pretty stupid, yet my work really excited him. There was me coming from a conceptual angle, relying on my own general cultural knowledge and very self directed exploration. My work definitely seemed to speak to him from a completely different place from which I knew very little about. Mmm feel there is lots of extra reading I need to do.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 The week has been really busy. The exhibition came down on Wednesday and as always only took half a day to do. What a complete contrast to the 3 day stint getting it up and again that peculiar taking down feeling in my belly. So the work is all now back home, sitting still in it’s packaging in my studio. Nicola Kearey has reviewed the show on Interface, http://www.a-n.co.uk/interface/reviews/single/557177 - read her response to the show. Thanks Nicola and sorry to hear you had a problem with the opening times.   I have since been sorting out for the next thing. I had an email about 3 months ago now from an artist asking if I would like to be involved in a group exhibition in Bath called Domesticated. It has been emails and a phone call and now I am travelling across to Bath next week to see the space, a place called Walcot Chapel. From the photos it looks like a wonderful venue and I’m really excited about paying it a visit. The artist who is organising it, Callum will be meeting me there on Thursday, so I’m hoping this all goes well. He is hoping to have it as a 2 part show, 2 weeks in Bath and again at the beginning of next year in Swindon.    I am planning to use one of my pieces from the solo, but re-work it especially for the space. It will be free standing. This has been an interesting development, departing from the white wall. I thought it a bit of a challenge with my work at the moment but the more I work on the idea the more enthused I am becoming about the change. It is really forcing me to reconsider a new way of presenting my work and getting me to approach it from a new angle.   I’ve also started updating me website with the images from Drawn on, Drawn in. If you fancy a look please do visit me at www.christinabryant.co.uk    With all this I haven’t even got to do any work on the Open Studios collaboration. Each time I’ve stepped into the studios I’ve seen some new interesting developments but am yet to contribute and respond myself. I really need to make some time for this soon.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050 I have decided it is time for a new blog. The summer in a certain way has felt endless and I haven’t seemed to be able to find the enthusiasm to keep this blog updated. I have seen it all trail off, my head just refusing to really focus on my activities of late with their strange obscurity. I’m wondering if there has been some particularly high electrical charge in the air or our local water has been polluted by some mood altering drug. Many encounters with family, friends and peers lately has felt obscure, challenging and just slightly off centre.   Maybe it’s just the strange positions I have found myself in recently…somewhere in the middle, caught between two places, adrift in the firing lines. Open studios personally was a miserable affair and a complete belly flop. The collaboration space transformed in to an ugly monster for many to flex their muscles in and try their hardest to provoke and offend. In some ways it was interesting I guess. It challenged each one of us, some rejecting the project before it had begun, others dominating the space completely, others getting possessive about the work and the space. Everyones values were being challenged. The ability to accept what others had done seemed in many instances completely impossible. It turned more into something like a social experiment and from what I can see we basically are useless at communicating and understanding each other adequately. It felt like the only thing everyone was good at was being really selfish. Is that what artists essentially are or essentially need to be? Maybe it’s just representative of what we all need to be to some extent.   Anyway, thankfully it’s over and I can get back to concentrating on ME! (opps!)   With eyes on the horizon, I enrolled at Wimbledon last Thursday and start this Thursday and Friday. Next Tuesday it’s off to Bath to set up for Domesticated. I will make a start on my new blog when I have something new and exciting to write about. (or more likely when I can work out what to call it)... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/494050