http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Recording, reflecting and extortionate train fares... Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:47:48 +0000 a-n rss generator a-n The Artists Information Company and contributors edit@a-n.co.uk technical@a-n.co.uk http://www.a-n.co.uk/img/logo.gif http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Finally I can start my new blog. I have been suffering from a mental block lately. Revving my engine just a little too long and somehow managed to stall. I started at Wimbledon last Thursday, which was great. A few first day nerves were churning on the train down but they soon disappeared once the day was under way. We had an introduction to each others' work through a 1 minute showcase. Although a little daunting at first, it was an ideal way to get a first impression of what we are all into. The variety of work was exciting - being in a room with such a concentration of ideas...it was giving me belly flutters!   It looks the next few weeks are going to be inductions and getting settled in. I can't wait to get stuck in. Tomorrow I'm off to Bath to set up my piece for Domesticated. With so much other stuff going on this seems to have crept up on me. I hope I'm organised! Tomorrow will tell.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Phew, it's been a busy week. Tuesday went really well and was unexpectedly relaxing. A good mate of mine from the studio kindly agreed to come with me to Bath to help out with the installing of my stairs for the Domesticated exhibition at Walcot Chapel. It turned out to be a really good day for catching up during the 3 hour journey there and I think we almost forgot we weren't on a holiday and had work to do. We got the piece up without too much of a hitch, although having to stand at the top of a 6ft ladder with a 4ft pole in my arms waiting for the glue at the end of my pole to dry and stick my little plastic block to attach my fishing wire to, to the ceiling, was pretty tiresome. It is quite often that it is at these moments I find my mind pondering as to what exactly in my life led me to this particular position. Once up and secured I found it difficult to fix my eyes on the piece. It was so different in this new space, disappearing in to its background. Having left the wall behind me and having produced this free standing 2d/3d drawing I am feeling oh so slightly apprehensive. The fact that it can be seen from every angle yet seems to hide from view continuously left me feeling uneasy. I'm not sure why. I didn't however have long to look at it and consider, before we had to be on our way back. So it's there and I'm here. Wednesday was a bit of researching into possible new studio spaces. It seems that there might me a possible place in the same village that I live. This obviously would be a massive blessing, but I'm wondering how I have gone so long without knowing about it. Thursday and Friday was Uni and Friday we had our first introduction to the critical practice lecture series. As a taster of things to come it did certainly get me salivating. 'The Terror of Neutrality' is the title and some of the ideas discussed were definitely getting my cogs turning in anticipation. Also got allocated my personal tutor and have my first tutorial session in the diary for 2 weeks time. After the day I imagined myself flaking out on the train coming home, chilling out to a bit of music and quietly digesting the days bombardment of new information. Instead I got a cancelled train, an unexpected change over and my face squashed against the window as I clung to the rail trying not to head butt the window or get a face full of an armpit for an hour. Oh the joys of commuting!... that said, a small price to pay for such a stimulating day.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 This week seems to have gone in a flash. I managed to spend a precious 2 days working in my studio.(well mostly just sitting, staring into space, at times sporting a rather fetching polystyrene box over my head. Don't ask!) It has been a while since I got in there and even when I have it's always been with another more practical task set out ahead of me. This quiet contemplation, experimental time is well over due. I know I rely on a certain obscure time/space to withdraw into my thoughts and push out those yet unseen possibilities. I can't say I unearthed a lot but I did feel I started to contemplate areas of my work that need to be strongly reassessed. I guess it is quite normal to have found a process of working that feels comfortable and 'right' because you have learnt to do it over time, let it define your progress. But is it really working for me? This has been the question constantly in the back of my mind this week. Can I approach these ideas from different more effective angles?   So I'm now a little lost in the fog of it all, my ideas, my approaches. Where am I? One noticeable feature of this is that although I feel a little uneasy about where I am, I don't feel in a panic. Is it because I am aware that I am on my MA and that this is a time for experimentation and questioning? I feel like I want to unpick so much of what I've done up to now and really understand it better...for better or worse.   Anyway, I have my first tutorial next week. I think it will help. I need to discuss these thoughts and concerns and I also need to just battle through it in my mind.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Another week, another significant amount of travelling, another lot of lugging my extremely heavy bag and knocking in to everyone and everything followed by my 'Sorry, sorry, excuse me'. Some more trying to work out where I am suppose to be and racing to get there. A little more standing staring aimlessly at the notice board and the train information board. All in all the regularities of my routine are starting to emerge.   I did manage to get my first tutorial after some confusion. The difficulties of the part time option have started to become clear. My tutorial was cancelled in the week due to my personal tutor being unwell, but rescheduled last minute with someone else and... I missed the message or the message missed me. I turn up with no work, not even my sketch book in an attempt to reduce weight for that day. Anyway, to cut the long story down a bit but to insure due credit is given to the hero of this tale... my wonderful boyfriend came to the rescue, battling against the clock with a rucksack containing the weight of about 5 large house bricks on his back, travelling across London, spending a small fortune on a rail ticket, having abandoned his lunch he was just about to bite into, to deliver me my laptop and sketch books with an hour to spare! Thank you so much!   So I had my tutorial and I feel that it went well. It has given me plenty to think about and although I'm in a time of change with regards to my practice I don't feel lost at sea. More than anything I feel excited (slight nervous excitement maybe) but enthused. I think what I really got out of this tutorial was a conversation that reaffirmed my own considerations and doubts. It was the first time Edwina had looked at my work and her response to it felt completely in line with what I think I'm doing but pushed those difficult questions about where it's going. This has given me a sense of reassurance but also left big question marks hanging over the future progression of it...there is an opening up happening and I am eager to embrace and drive the change.   A tiring week but a good one.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 This week...um...trying to think back all the way to Monday. Monday, I was at the gallery (work, boring, yawn, yawn) Tuesday I had a play day at the studio. I enjoyed it. It seems I have started a routine of spending my studio days just getting straight on and building things, constructing drawing set ups around various areas of the building, taking lots of photos and then taking it all down at the end of my day, going home and thinking about what I have done and looking back at the photos. I quite like the immediateness and spontaneity of this approach. It seems to be a response to having so little time to spend in my studio. Being in there has started to feel more like an event in itself.   Wednesday I spent the day in London seeing the Turner Prize (enjoyed Lucy Skaer's work), the Anish Kapoor exhibition and Metzger at the Serpentine (favourite moment crawling around on my hands and knees under a giant sheet trying to see the image beneath me whilst trying not to get in a knot.)   The 2 uni days were made up of exhibitions, seminars, lectures and workshops as part of the Graduate School. I managed to get to Chelsea on Thursday which was a great opportunity to familiarise myself with the site, see the other students. I booked myself in for a workshop session with Angela Rogers. I really didn't know what to expect, titled 'Stretching the Rules' and something to do with drawing was the depth of my prior knowledge. What it ended up being was a really interesting drawing 'conversation'...literally, I draw a bit, you draw a bit (no talking). We drew for a half an hour which actually felt like 10mins and then discussed our drawing and how it felt. To me it felt intense, strangely intimate and I found that in a similar way I become stuck for words sometimes, I became stuck for a drawn response at moments. It was so interesting how we provoked reactions through this drawing exercise. I felt often a sense of confusion and amusement on my part. Afterwards I realised I had been really open with Angela following our drawing session, discussing anxieties about words and meanings being misread and worries about being led/following. Did it turn in to a kind of therapy session?...I wonder if she finds that she gets that response often. Or maybe it's just me! Egh.   Friday was at Wimbledon. I went to some interesting discussions. Particularly interesting was a seminar on collaboration with Sonia Boyce, discussing its purpose and its problems... I was obviously considering it in relation to my recent experience of collaborating. After the discussion I could see how inevitable our fall out in the summer was. We were like a text book example of all that can go wrong in collaborative projects and it helped me understand why it might of happened that way.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 More playing in the studio this week. I feel my work, my identity, my process, my ideas are all somewhere else, somewhere where I can't quite get a grasp on them. My approach has gone from somewhere specific to somewhere increasingly vague. The plane of possibility has suddenly grown rather vast and it feels a little overwhelming. So I'm playing with lines in the studio and reading Deleuze on the train (phew). This vastness seems to of provoked a vagueness. Looking at lines, looking at corners, looking at the space around me. All I can say about my stuff at the moment is that it is unsure, searching. I have booked the project space at Wimbledon for a few days in a couple of weeks time. I feel that I need to actually work in that place. This nomad feeling is making me feel quite distant from my work. Like it is always somewhere else and I am forever having to conjure up its existence in my mind, forever recalling it and its existence somewhere else. There is an underlying need for transportation and temporariness. These altered demands on my production have brought up many questions.   I have entered the world of academia and at the moment it is a lot discussion, a lot of theories and concepts, a lot of analysing(which is proving fascinating and exciting). So what is this funny feeling I have? A loss of privacy and the protection of it just being me, maybe? I never realised my isolation provided a feeling of security in that way. I feel like my process is going to be opened up, dissected, my bubble burst. Will I be found out? Will I be exposed as a fraud? Will I be sent away with my head hung in shame or sent to the corner with the dunce hat on? Ok sounding a little neurotic but so far this course is, I guess having the desired effect...it is challenging my methods and the cozy-ness of old habits and... there doesn't seem any place to hide.   Btw I'm on twitter and pimping myself for followers. http://twitter.com/Chrissy_Bryant  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Thankfully train problems didn't prevent me from making it in to Wimbledon completely this week and actually helped me find a cheaper (although not quite so relaxing) alternative route. So I now feel better equipped for future problems. Bring it on First Capital Connect, I'm starting to see your cancellations as a challenge!   Being part-time is leaving me feeling a little bit of an outsider. I am skirting around the studios, not really knowing where my place is. The full time students occupy the centre, they look settled in, at home, confident in their routine. It is, I'm starting to see two very different experiences. I feel more like an observer looking in. I don't want to sound negative about it, it's not necessarily. I am still confident the part-time option is the right one for me, but as an observation and I suppose this is obvious, integrating into the college community is harder work, less automatic.   That said, this week has felt like progress. I got chatting to another part-time student and discovered that we are at very similar places and many of our ideas cross over. It was one of those great, exciting conversations when you end up talking really fast and being very animated. So after our discussion we agreed that it could really benefit us to work in the same space for a bit. So she is going to join me in the project space in a few weeks. Neither of us have a particular plan but feel that we are both more than happy to just experiment and bounce ideas around. We aren't thinking of it like a collaboration but more a chance to have more discussions, help each other out and share the equipment. I'm really looking forward to this.    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 This week, quite out of the blue I've found a new place to work from January. It will be such a different set up from the one I've been in for four and a half years now. The most drastic difference will be that I will no longer be part of a studio group. It is a converted out building in a village 10mins from where I live. It is quite lovely, a perfect size and most importantly affordable. My own space... it is going to be so strange and I don't have a clue how I'm going to find the experience of working alone. Part of me is excited about not having distractions, having complete control over my time and place and being away from the politics but the flip side of course, being isolated is worrying. I'm thinking the situation may suit me well while I'm at Wimbledon 2 days a week with plenty of opportunity for discussion and debate, but beyond the course, I'm sure I will feel the need to be working around other artists again.   The course is getting busy. Every week another few things go in the diary and my writing has got increasingly tiny, migrating up the side of the page to fit it all in.   I had my first crit on Thursday. I showed 3 video clips. I never would of believed that I would be showing video work especially so early on in this course but things are changing fast. Ideas are multiplying and expanding with every working day. I am thinking hard everyday, waking up to the ideas and struggling to put them to bed at night. The reaction to the work was generous and encouraging, nothing to cut me down. No attack. I couldn't believe how much I enjoyed listening to peoples comments. It was a very valuable experience and the criticism was really helpful.   Next week, another one to one tutorial with a different tutor. Right, getting in to the swing of it now, I think.   With so much to take in, just trying to be sponge-like... oh my poor brain.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Thinking very carefully about what to write today. Last week was a lot of reflecting, reconsidering where I am and considering where this is going. I think it is a confidence thing. Since I began this course I have found I am conscious about my work made over the last 3 years or rather concerned with distancing myself from it, like it won't stand up to the criticism of the MA. So being absolutely truthful here, I must of assumed that what I have done so far isn't very good. (Ironically, there is a street in Wimbledon that I walk past on my way from the train station to the College called Goodenough Road, complete with little demon camping out on top cackling in his high pitched devilish tones....'YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE NOT, YOUR NOT!') So you can see how I came to the conclusion that I have a slight confidence issue. Anyway, the reason behind this sudden evaluation of the issue is that I had a tutorial on Thursday. It wasn't a bad one at all, it was very helpful and enlightening but it did highlight the fact that I've got a little side tracked. I can see now that I have left a lot of hard work behind, maybe as I'm starting to suspect, as a bit of a safety barrier. The things that I have done before, without any feedback and guidance previously, feel a little vulnerable. I appear to have attempted to throw everything out before anyone else can. This going back to basics is not working, it is confusing me even more and taking me off the point of what my work is really about. Luckily my tutor probed me for what I had done previously and asked to see it, then confronted me about how what was then relates to what is now and why. Oh, how the simple questions can hit you like a smack in the face. I walked away from the tutorial giddy. Why could I not see the obvious in my own work? Why do I bend to an invisible, self created, completely fictional pressure? ...again that leads back to my lack of confidence issue....right I'm going to have to knock that little demon off his perch!  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 My head is feeling much more together this week. Finally I feel like I have relaxed a little. We part time students arranged our own crit on Friday so that we could finally get more familiar with each others' work and share some of the things that are going on with us. We booked out the project space and quite informally gathered around to take it in turns introducing our ideas, showing the work and then had a discussion about it. It was a good time for me to talk about my work, after the wobbles and general vagueness of the last few weeks I feel I am gathering up my thoughts and working with much more direction and focus. Discussing it with the group was very useful and allowed me to attempt articulating my ideas in a more coherent manner, instead of falling back on the phrase... 'I really don't know what I'm doing at the moment' which I seem to have been repeating for a while now. The focus this week has simply been searching out places, linking spaces, in between, transitory spaces particularly and collecting images of them. I am travelling quite a bit so these kind of places are in abundance. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about ideas while I'm actually on the move and passing through these places that are appearing in my work. I am really interested in the contrast of these kind of places to the very private home spaces that I have focused on before. These seem to hold all sorts of new possibilities. I spent Tuesday visiting public car park stairways and trying not to choke on the powerful smell of ammonia that they all seem to come with as standard. It is so universal, Quintin suggested maybe it was pumped in purposefully just to deter people from hanging around in them. Maybe he's got a point! I managed to get a few snaps whilst out Christmas shopping with my Mum on Thursday. I had to laugh as she cringed bemused by her daughter's strange behaviour and walked slightly ahead muttering 'You are so embarrassing'. Oh, how funny to see the years have reversing our roles! I have since been working on these photos, stripping them down to just the smallest information and playing with pulling out different parts of the spaces signs. I have been doing this on the computer and really enjoying the process. I feel like I have many steps I want to explore with these images, like my domestic images in the past, looking for ways of pulling these signs apart and re-presenting them within new spaces. It has been wonderful to get wrapped up in this process again and go full steam ahead with some sense of direction. I never thought piss-smelling stairwells could bring me such joy and satisfaction.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 I have started getting my things together in preparation for the studio move at the end of this month. I'm not going to get a lot of time in the studio over the next couple of weeks so it feels impossible to get down to proper work in there. Can't start building too much or drawing on the walls, I've got to start winding this work space up. It was rather strange and left me quietly reflecting on the three years I have spent in the space, as I attempted some organisation and gathered up all this stuff. All the things you unearth during a mass sort out of this kind. The piles and piles of photos, cds, slides (blimey!), magazines, half used sketch books, many different drafts of artists statements on scrappy bits of paper, the list goes on! There is evidence of the occasional attempt to organise (dated albums, the odd folder with dividers) but these I can see, although well intentioned, have been short lived. Most stuff has been hastily stashed in boxes, plastic bags, all in no particular order...a sorting nightmare! I took the brutal approach when it came to throwing out and keeping. I want space not old rubbish. New studio, new leaf, new organised Christina......ha yeah right! A side from this packing up I did get into London to see some good exhibitions over the week too. (have made a firm commitment to myself to dramatically increased the amount of exhibitions I visit) Having my student rail card has helped massively with this new commitment. Over the last few weeks I have enjoyed some great days in London, whizzing around on the tube from place to place. I particularly enjoyed the Roger Hiorns piece on Harper Road, Seizure. I found it completely fascinating, a dazzling spectacle, literally a gem concealed within the drabbest block of flats ever. Other highlights of the last 2 weeks... John Baldessari at the Tate Modern, Bloomberg New Contemporaries 09 at A Foundation near Old Street and For the Blind Man at the ICA. Next week Sophie Calle exhibition at White Chapel. Any suggestions for what's good to see at the moment would be very welcome!    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Oh, just seen I'm featured in a curated selection on axis.... yay! http://www.axisweb.org/atSelection.aspx?AID=2391... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 I've now got settled into my new space. It is a really odd feeling. Digswell had become my everyday routine. Not doing the familiar drive along the windy back roads to Welwyn seems the strangest part. That route literally feels engrained in my mind, like every time I did it, it carved out a deeper and deeper physical groove through my mind.   So now I have a new winding road to use every morning and this one is particularly wibbly wobbly indeed. It's well and truly out in the sticks. I spent my first afternoon alone there today and was extremely apprehensive when I arrived. I had got it into my mind that there could be the possibility that I might not be able to do any work there, like it would have the wrong feng shui or something like that and any creativity would seize up from the moment I crossed the threshold. I had a really restless night last night with this concern playing on my mind.   Today though it's fine, actually it felt really good. For the first time in ages I have a desk looking out over a grassy meadow. It's been a long time since I've had a studio with a view...in fact on consideration I never have. I don't think I've ever worked in such a quiet space before either. I am looking forward now to getting into the routine of it and making it feel like my own.   Art work wise, Christmas has not been a very productive time for me, although this I anticipated. I actually feel pretty invigorated by the break from it all and am keen to get on. I've looked back over the stripped down drawings I did of car park stair wells today and can see many aspects about them that I want to pursue. I'm heading back out with the camera very soon.   Another thing on my mind, before Christmas, I asked a fellow artist to draw a space she knew reasonably well but couldn't see at the time, on an A4 piece of paper. The only brief was that she draw it however she wanted but how she thought best communicated the space to someone else. I would really like to see how others approach this too. If anyone would like to do it for me here I would be forever grateful! Rules are no words and just pencil and A4 paper, and it can be anywhere you like and just a quick drawing/sketch. If you can do one you can email it to me at info@christinabryant.co.uk and I would be really interested to see it.  ... 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Mail, chrissybstar      ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 What would life be like without these online spaces now? It is almost impossible for me to imagine. I'm definitely in agreement with Jonathan Moss in his latest post. It has opened up a whole world of communication and support that I'm sure has been a huge factor in helping me evolve my practice and feel in some way connected to something much bigger than just myself. I was quite fascinated to look back on just a normal days browsing history and post it, just to see how it felt. The answer- quite uncomfortable really, almost like I'd exposed too much of myself. Even though I had actually taken some stuff out...like online banking, I still felt like I was doing something completely inappropriate. I wonder how revealing our online footprints are? Anyway, yesterday I was busy in the studio again. That always feels like a much more healthy activity, in contrast to my job at the gallery when I have far too much time to ponder, yet no freedom to do. I have been starting to work from these images that I collected and work them into a space. I've been using insulation tape to mask out the lines. It allows me to work rapidly, make changes, add to, take away and not be precious about it. I really enjoy this way of working. Continually moving from photo, to drawing, to wall, back into sketch book with notes and more sketches. Each time I move into a different medium there is the trace of the last move I made still in my mind. Things pop up, almost of their own accord. It almost feels like I'm shaking and shaking my thoughts around in my head until things rattle out. Still, I'm not sure I have any clarity about where I'm going with it yet but I have some ideas I really am looking forward to trying out. I'm going to enjoy the inspiration while it's with me and try to keep following the momentum. I'm sure there will be lots of time for the critical questions and analysis over the coming months. Now I just want to do do do.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 What is my research question? This is one of the headings I put into my note book last week with the intention of making sure I don't forget that I need to start thinking in these terms. I feel like it is something that should be obvious. My research question is my research. It's simple. When I work what is the answer I'm looking for? What is my drive, my focus? The problem I'm finding now is that when I try to address the question of the 'Question' I find it isn't something that necessarily falls on to the page in a coherent, organised sentence. Can my question be a feeling, an inkling, a vague notion? Well, no. Understanding and being able to articulate what my work is about is vital. In my application to do this course I wrote what I believed my work was about. My work existed at that time in a certain way. I looked at how I worked, what I think about when experimenting, I looked at what came out of that thinking and what emerged through the doing. That felt easier and a more natural way to comment on the goings on of my practice at the time. However, since I started this course, things have changed, the waters muddied. I now am trying to look through the murky depths of my ideas, to find some certainty and some clarity, at least enough to feel a movement forward, a sustained momentum. The answer to finding this is the 'Question'. Ok, so what I want to do now is stop at this point and consider what is important to me, discovering this by honestly looking at what I have been doing and what I come back to, time and time again. The following 3 points are my attempt to search out some clarity and some common threads linking my ideas together. 1.How we see, feel and respond to images of spaces that indicate 'non-places' (those everyday places that exist purely to take us somewhere else). Using line and perspective drawing as an indicator of these places, juxtaposing lines in space with lines creating space. 2.Lefebvre's theories on the production of social space. The factors involved in how space has been organised and developed and what this contributes to in terms of our experience and reading of our everyday environment in Western society. 3.Looking at the function of the gallery space, comparing its physical material existence and boundaries, with the cultural, social understanding as something designed to provoke ideas and discussion through the viewers reading of art pieces within its context. (exploring the notion that through its separation from the reality of the everyday, it presents 'truth' and 'knowledge' of this reality).   Reading this back I'm not sure if I'm articulating myself very well but it really is as precise as I can be right now. I tend to keep trying to elaborate more and more until things turn into a mangle of random thoughts so I'll settle for these 3 points for now and come back to them again soon to see if I can refine and write with more clarity. It really does feel like trying to find something that is determined to remain obscure.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Right, need to get brain in gear. I think I had too much sleep last night and I am now feeling extremely weary and watery eyed this morning.   Today's mission is to attempt writing my first 500 words on my research paper for discussion at our next critical practice meeting. Also I aim to finish writing a review on the Damien Roach exhibition I visited last week and oh yeah, must write this blog post too. Too much writing...   I'm reading some really interesting books at the moment 'The Production of Space' by Henri Lefebvre and 'Non-Places' by Marc Auge. The Lefebvre book is taking me ages to read though, with only a weeks loan from the library I'm renewing constantly, fearing the day that someone else requests it and I'll have to reluctantly hand it back. It is such an interesting book. These French philosophers don't seem to hold back on confronting the powers that be, with theories and words at least. I feel like I'm just scratching at the surface of these ideas, trying to get my head around the concepts but there have been some sentences that stop me in my tracks and make me just sit and think about this situation we find ourselves in and try to make some sense of it.   'What we seem to have is an apparent subject, and impersonal pseudo-subject, the abstract 'one' of modern social space and concealed by its illusionary transparency, the real 'subject' namely state (political) power. Lived experience is crushed, vanquished by what is 'conceived of.'   'Invisible fullness of political space sets up its rule in the emptiness of a natural space confiscated from nature. Forces of history smashed naturalness forever and upon its ruins established the space of accumulation; wealth and resources; knowledge and technology; money and precious objects, works of art and symbols'   'History is experienced as nostalgia and nature as regret.'   There are many of these high impact statements throughout this book that make me want to sit and stare into space, through an overwhelming sense of dread and at my/our general pathetic blind passivity to our state of being. It is hard to read this stuff and know how to react to it. In our latest lecture given by John Cussans, he talked about our passivity and how there tends to be a sustained neutral, silent position held when it comes to the political, a strange general apathy towards major issues. Lefebvre is constantly talking about the organisation of space and knowledge as a means of manipulation, he also talks about the issue of the 'users' silence. He asks the question; Why there is this worldwide passive response from the 'users' of a space that is manipulating and damaging them? He attempts to explain it by the idea of diversion. Considering that our attention is diverted by a part of space 'endowed with illusionary status, namely that concerned with writing and imagery, underpinned by the written text (journalism, literature) and broadcast by the media.' Believing that this amounts to an abstraction creating 'reductionistic force on 'lived' experience.'   It is understanding it in some 'real' terms, identifying how it is part of everything that we do. How can we experience our everyday in any other way than through the systems that create it? Lefebrvre explains that this abstract space is 'a highly complex one'. Yes, I must say I am finding that. I'll keep reading on...  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 It's been a busy week with one thing and another. Tuesday I was over in Swindon setting up for the second part of the Domesticated exhibition at the Post Modern Gallery. It was an interesting space and quite a contrast from the Chapel. It is a gallery but still clearly once a post office with counters and signs scattered throughout the room. I really liked the feel of it. The references to what it once was were subtle enough to not distract from the exhibition but enough to keep the character of the space and its context exposed.   I was exhibiting the same staircase that I showed for the Bath show, that I made last year. It was interesting to revisit this piece. It has been stored in Swindon for the months in between the last show and this one. It's physical distance from me has felt poignant. Installing it for this show has been a good opportunity to reflect on the changes that are occurring within my practice and where I have come from. Things have been placed under real scrutiny and I kind of feel right in the middle of the haze of intense questioning but I can still look back and appreciate the relevance of where I have come from and how I ended up here. Even in this thick fog of confusion and possibility I can link up the threads. I feel reflective looking back and excited (and a little scared) about the uncertainty of going forward.   College was really enjoyable this week and is starting to finally feel like things are under way. I can't believe it has taken so long but finally I am getting use to the travelling, relaxing into my weekly routine and getting to know people a bit better. I think I found the sheer number of new people and limited time to properly get to know them quite overwhelming. We have our interim show coming up at the end of the month at The Nunnery, I'm really looking forward to being involved. The group seems to be well organised and hopefully it's all set to run smoothly. I am a little worried about what I'm showing...its very unresolved and new territory for me but we have been encouraged to take a risk with it and that's what I'm doing and trying to get as much out of it as possible and enjoy it. I think sometimes I forget the enjoyment part... I'm doing what I absolutely love but am usually too busy worrying to remember that. It's so silly.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Phew! Arrived home Friday evening, my head spinning, brain buzzing, eyes watering and tummy rumbling. A combination of affects that made me unsure of what to do first - laugh hysterically, write madly, sob despairingly or just collapse in front of the dinner table and scoff down a beautiful dinner of fish and chips dished up by my wonderful partner. Luckily I started with the latter after which the need to do any of the others was adequately subdued for the evening.   It was a really good day, a really good week in fact but I am starting to feel the heat. We had our first critical practice group tutorial on Friday and there was some really great discussions. It was exceptionally helpful and I think, gave us all a lot to digest and a good insight into just what a big task lay ahead of us. I feel pleased to have got going with my research and reading right from the beginning of this course but it felt for much of the first few months that not much was actually making sense, only now do I actually feel I'm making some ground. Although, everything is still such a jumble in my head. It is true the more you learn the more you realise there is to learn and it creates a real hunger to discover more.   It feels like a whole wealth of information, new influences, fascinating new thoughts and discovery has been opened up to me. A quarter of the way through this course I can already feel it provoking an extremely significant change in my thinking and I'm enjoying it so much. It is definitely uncomfortable for much of the time but strangely thrilling...and it's only begun really. I look at the full time students, now nearly half way through and see the extreme pressure they are under, but it is really interesting to observe how their work is changing in such a small period of time and the really interesting debates emerging through their practices. The Post-graduate forums have given a really good insight in to other peoples concerns and research processes. I have mine own presentation to give in March and I am really scared about it but definitely looking forward to the discussion which I'm sure is going to be really helpful to me (although am sure I will not be thinking of that on the morning of it when I'm trying to hide under the table, hoping they forget about me) I am such a scaredy cat when it comes to speaking in front of people, in fact I always dread it. I seem to revert back to my school days and I'm suddenly a bumbling, stuttering, bright red tomato. Oh joy!  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 I was sat looking out into my garden this afternoon and what do I see scurrying from under the fence? Huh, two little Mice. After watching them scurrying back and forth for about 10 minutes, I suddenly realised that I really should write a post on my blog. It has been ages.   It's been ages mainly because although things have been mad busy, I haven't really felt that there has been much to actually write about. I started another blog...and feel like a traitor. But I needed to do a more 'proper' research, ideas, reflection type one for the course. We get assessed eventually on something called a research folio and part of mine, I have decided will come from my other blog. Anyway, so I've been neglecting this one...although this one is much more fun to write, but it's just I don't think my tutors are going to find the Mice in my garden and what I had for dinner that relevant to the course criteria.   We've had our interim show over the last two weeks and it has been a really good experience. It was quite intense, with some fall outs and even a few tears, but the challenge of all working together and attempting to get 50 artists work up that's all quite different, into a relatively small space and make some kind of show was definitely... an experience. I was relieved to have not put myself forward for curating and instead was part of the hanging team, we just did as we were told (admittedly at times with slightly gritted teeth). It was however very interesting to see how each team of curators handled the responsibility and the power. They each had a bit of a peep talk from Terry Smith at the beginning of the week and I think he played devils advocate a bit. He made them more aware of their role and pushed them to challenge both audience and artist in some quite provocative ways... suggesting leaving things in bubble wrap or hanging things in really unusual ways. Each team reacted to this in their own ways and often fought it out between themselves once he had gone, but obviously some artists weren't happy to go with their plans and some were quite unaware until they turned up at the opening, expecting their piece to be hung as instructed on the submission form.   This created an interesting debate that went on throughout the two shows about role of curator and role of artist and who should really have the final say. The curator trying to see the show as a whole and seeing the whole as more important than the individual and the artist trying to retain the original intention for the work and it's reading. The debate continued and remained unresolved.   After the first week on the tech (skivvy) team I started to wonder about my own work and how I was going to approach this dilemma, in the coming week. I decided in the middle of one night that I would instead attempt to reassert some of the artist power into the space. I therefore decided that I would do something site specific and kind of in the way. So I decided to lower the doorways by a few feet. It was a quick decision, but sometimes I find that those sudden jolts in the night are worth running with. So I did and it was fun, watching everyone over 5 ft ducking in and out of the room and it felt really relevant to where things are going with my work at the moment. One of those tasty little starting points.   Anyway, so that's over with and no time to breath it's on to thinking about my presentation that is this Thursday. It has been such a hard process putting it together but slowly, slowly I can feel it helping me to get things a little more focused. Everything has gone on overdrive since Christmas and all the information in my head has been mixing around into a great mush. In fact this whole thing feels like wading through porridge (the kind you get when you're just a little short of milk)    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 So, more busy weeks are passing at lightning speed and I'm starting to wonder whether I will ever actually get round to making and experimenting with any of the vast number of ideas that are floating around my head at the moment. I was told reassuringly on Friday that the making side of things with catch up with all the research side in due course and that it is fine to be a bit out of sync and a touch lopsided. With the presentation done (phew) and actually even enjoyed in the end, I am now working to get my essay finished and ready to hand in for this Friday. It is indeed creating an extremely lopsided practice at the moment. I can't seem to get my head out of a book long enough to make anything. I am pleased with how much I am enjoying the reading and research but feel a bit pitiful as an artist to tell the truth. I keep visualising me doing one thing of another and it almost becomes as though I have done it and I somehow mentally move on but I can't develop a practice on pure fantasy. I want to do things, try out, develop certain processes better and much more and I need the time for it. Anyway, I am suppressing the potential anxiety simmering away at the situation and trusting the advice that it will all catch up and start being more balanced in time.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 The Easter holidays have begun, which means 3 weeks to our first assessment and still very little actual work to speak of. Essay was handed in yesterday, so that one's behind me at least until my feedback session and so on with the million and one other things that seem fantastic in my head but are worrying still just that... in my head. But plans are starting to happen and I currently have video camera and tripod to hand and a date in the diary for my first filming session, 3am tomorrow morning! Ok so part of me is going to hate myself for wanting to do something at such an unearthly hour and another part of me is bubbly with joy at the prospect of having the streets all to myself (bar some foxes, the local night dwellers and possibly a psychopath or two) I had a tutorial last week to discuss ways I might get going with some of my fantasy ideas and we talked about realistic approaches that might help me to get them materialised. Just what I needed, that little bit of reassurance that this can actually go somewhere and I have a good range of possibilities to play with. I don't know if I dare say it but I feel like I'm getting some sense of direction (egh, now that certainly will of jinxed it!)  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 I have now had 3 night walking expeditions and so far they have not been a massive success but still, it has been interesting in ways unexpected. Some observations made so far; 1. people never seem to sleep, there is always someone around. 2. I feel incredibly self conscious about being out and 3. where I see STREET police see BANK. Police cars patrol the town centre all night and are really interested in what people with cameras and a tripod are doing loitering around shops, because of this I felt quite distracted and ever so slightly harassed. I really don't know why I wasn't more prepared for this, of course being in the streets at 4am is going to attract attention, make one feel vulnerable, guilty and slightly paranoid. But aside from the self consciousness, things happen that are really fascinating. The streets are like stage sets waiting in anticipation for the actors. It is on the empty street that I am almost able to get a glimpse of how this space exists before the ‘actors’ arrive. The signs, codes, markings and boundaries of the environment seem to be quietly waiting for the arrival of subjects and as it waits it continually flickers, blinks, swivels, points and directs with a steady authority. Giving it a faceless, abstract presence. I want to try out many different ideas, but as of yet I haven’t really been able to bring myself to be any more out of the ordinary than just being there in the first place. I’m hoping my confidence will grow and I will feel more free to experiment soon. So far all my interaction has felt laboured; experimentation and creativity frustratingly suppressed by the place.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 It is turning out to be such a funny time for me at the moment. I've been thrown into uncertainty in so many different areas of my life right now, I'm doing that thing where I feel so stressed that I thinking I'm doing loads but most of my energy is just being sapped up by stress and worry.   I got made redundant at the beginning of this month, thought I was ok because I'd found another job straightaway, then the other job didn't work out, mainly because I came home and felt like I wanted to cry all the time. Then had long discussion with partner about not doing new, horrible, time consuming, soul destroying job and agreed that I should try to look for something relevant to my extensive education and chosen career for the last however many years, for a while, then go back to looking for rubbish, completely irrelevant minimum wage job when all other ideas have been exhausted.   So I'm now finding myself applying for the 'expenses only' jobs as that's all I can seem to find. I'm not complaining, I know we're all to paddle in that same old boat, but what a conundrum. Do work I want to do... for free, or do work that makes me cry and get paid for it?   Well, as a 'keep me a float' option for now, I'm off to try some bar work tonight, maybe I'll love it and not want to cry. Maybe I'll be like Tom Cruise... or... one of the Coyote girls... oh god, I want to cry already.   A friend made the suggestion that maybe I should use this as an opportunity to try out loads of weird and wonderful jobs as a kind of inspiration for my art, but I'm not inspired, I just want to use what I know and love doing. Ahhh, stamp feet, clench fists and scream and scream and scream, mmm that's better.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Right, final week before the assessment, putting final touches to research folio and almost finished editing video. I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about either. The new work is so... new and the research folio is so... academic. It has been useful to have this deadline however because it has given me such an intensive time of making and reflecting, yes at times it was like getting blood from stone but got there eventually.  So tomorrow off to get it bound. I feel like the new street filming work is a step forward for me and I've really enjoyed it. The video is clunky and I would change lots if I had the time but it has been the process that I have really, really enjoyed. It has definitely been a turning point and I am looking forward to getting out over the summer making new videos. The bar work has been fun, I can't complain about it at all and maybe other new possibilities over the summer, but just keeping all fingers and toes crossed on those things. Feeling much better this week. Phew!... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Assessment over and thankfully no terrible shocks, or big shake ups. It was a kind of...'things are fine... keep going... there's so much more to do.' After my frantic assesment prep I have since completely slacked off - in order to gather my thoughts (well that's my excuse anyway). It would seem that there's not a lot on for us part timers for a while and I'm really hoping I can get stuck into my work and my research, use this rare time as much as I can.   ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Um, not sure where to start with this post. Today I did some work...finally. Last week I did no work what so ever. Last Monday my boyfriend took me away for what I thought was a birthday treat, only then to get down on one knee in the middle of our walk in Oxfordshire and ask me to be his wife. From that moment on it's just been giddy, floating, gushing, permanently smiley Christina.... he doesn't know what he has started!   Suddenly I'm thinking flowers, dresses, bridesmaids, confetti, not public space, architecture, urbanism, psychogeography.   I've spent most of today sitting in my studio forcing myself to concentrate on getting my mind back on things and trying more ideas out with the camera. I've taken a whole load of new footage but just hope I'm not complicating my ideas further. The main trouble at the moment is focusing on one particular area of investigation and not getting distracted, yet also being experimental and creating possibilities for new things to emerge.   The assessment time was a funny one, the knowledge that you are making for an assessment was quite a self conscious one I felt, yet it was good as it pushed me to do things that I had been putting off for quite a while. Lots didn't work with the piece I put in and they became so obvious that I felt really frustrated at myself for not acknowledging them straight away whilst I was in the process of filming and editing. I am now cringing through post-assessment eyes at some of my decisions. Oh well, it seems a good way to make me more aware of these things next time.   I have attached the new edit of the video, the assessment one had me actually moving around within the space which really, really didn't work. This version is still really not quite what I was after... mainly because I didn't know what I was after when I did the filming - which obviously doesn't help much, but it gives an idea of where I am at at the moment I thnk.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Hi, I've been away a while. Off in the land of not doing very much, apart from thinking about how little I'm doing and wondering why that is so. I didn't really find the answer, so have eventually decided not to dwell on it any longer. Today I enrolled for the second and final year of my MA and it felt really good. I have a cold and a stuffy head but I'm back on the roller coaster that is academia and so much more relaxed about the ride this time. Afterwards I paid a visit to the Jerwood to see the drawing prize. I really enjoyed this. Such a wonderful feast of different stuff and a few people from my course and a fellow a-n blogger included in the mix, great! Some fantastic and intriguing drawings. I particularly like Andrew Lawson's piece 'The Story of O' and the ceramic circle - although I now can't remember the name of the artist. Off to the bar tonight to shake some cocktails. Things just ticking on in their own little way.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Last week was a lot of art and I saw some exciting stuff. There were some interesting video pieces by Klara Liden at the Serpentine that got me thinking about performance and film again and some drawings still sticking in my mind persistently from the Jerwood. Frieze was good, this was a first for me (can't believe I managed to avoid it for so long). I had mixed feelings about it really... so much to see in one place - I thought I might pass out from looking so much and such a horrid stuffy environment to view it in, also I'm not great in crowds but it was exciting, only rather expensive too. I came out feeling like I had had the Frieze experience for sure. Also saw Saatchi's New Sensations - an artist who has just graduated from Wimbledon was one of the selected. This too left me with mixed feelings, I don't know if it was just the venue ('The House of Nobleman' on Cornwall Terrace over looking Regents Park complete with red carpet!) or the fact that it was by appointment and special invite only but I thought I whiffed a waft of pretentiousness lingering in the air - but oh what a house, the bathroom was the size of our whole home! It was great to see Chris Agnew's work in the show though and some other great pieces too, Elizabeth Jordan's video projection had me mesmorized. So after such a busy week of seeing it's back to my own work, to think. Us part time year 2 held a collaborative exhibition at 242 Gallery in September which I really should of written about before. It was a great opportunity to work together and such a positive experience of collaboration. We each seemed to get something surprising and different out of it. What is really great is that I feel it has definitely given me something to take back into my own practice, plenty to mull over. I'll write more about it later and put some images up.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676 Three weeks back and how's it going? well, I think. Already the year feels very different to the last one and I can't tell if it's me or them that's different, probably both I guess.  After a rather brisk start compared to last year I've had two tutorials and a crit already, I feel like time and me are both moving at lightening speed. So my research is become a little more focused and finally I'm starting to feel I am getting a grasp on myself and a sense of purpose peeking over the horizon, it may only be momentarily as I have learnt to accept all feelings like this are but its there all the same. Maybe my sense of getting on top of things has come from my day spent in isolation with just my research folio and piles of books and papers. I find them all a comfort, creating more and more paper somehow seems to help tame a neurotic element in me. My research is starting to have a strong sense of momentum, but I'm still acutely aware of not letting my actual art making fall by the wayside. It's a tricky balance when your doing a Masters, I find. I feel the intensity of the research enriching my ideas but at the same time swamping my head with the demands of just reading that one more thing all the time. Saying that... I must just go and look up that article. It might just have the answer to all my worries!... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/570676