http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Still on this planet Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:47:30 +0000 a-n rss generator a-n The Artists Information Company and contributors edit@a-n.co.uk technical@a-n.co.uk http://www.a-n.co.uk/img/logo.gif http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Snow, snow and more snow. I am tidying up my office which now has to double up as a studio since I have given up my external studio for the time being.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 I have been working on one of my many attempts at writing a statement about my work. Here is the latest of these: “Drawing is an absorbing activity and a way of allowing subjectivity to emerge through the mark-making process itself. It is for me fundamentally about line-based mark-making and abstraction as a starting point. I am interested in the relationship between control and spontaneity, between blot and line, restraint and exuberance, autobiographical subjectivity and non-linear story making. My mixed Chinese/English background has recently become a factor in my work and I am exploring this through the use of traditional Chinese materials and the use of a technical pen.”  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Have all my scans lined up and operation scheduled for next week. Might as well be upfront about the "ill health" - it's breast cancer and I'll only know what it's like as I'm going through it. However, I am intending to work as much as I can, because work is not separate from life but integral to it. This blog isn't intended as a chronicle of health issues though, but inevitably they will come up so I thought it best to get the "telling" bit done now. Apart from some DAD work, arrangements for the dog to go into kennels, tidying up the house, I'm also finishing my work for the Interim Show (http://www.a-n.co.uk/interface/whatson/preview/594892), which a fellow MA student is taking to London for me and which the college is going to hang. Every arranged visit to the space has clashed with a medical appointment so I've only got my memory of it and recent photos sent by my "room group" to go on with regard to how to adapt my work to an exhibition rather than studio context.  It's a difficult space and there are lots of us showing so the work has to make an impact. Worse it is on the top floor so unless visitors start at the top they'll be tired of looking at stuff by the time they get there. Moreover, there is also the problem of how to actually hang the piece. I'm thinking baton screwed to the wall, screws on the baton and bulldog clips (painted white) rather than staples. Let's see how it works.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 I've joined the C4RD drawing community and used the statement I wrote the other day. http://www.c4rd.org.uk/Site/Clare_Smith.html I'm quite pleased with myself because it's taken me a long time to get to this point with my work and I've written so many statements along the way. I think the confused nature of most of my artist's statements definitely reflected my own confused position vis a vis my work.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 So, no operation next week: chemo first, after a couple more scans. Sigh. I have done my journal pages for the Alturnertive 100 journals project, which is based on the 1000 journals project in the States. The outcome of the 100 journals project is going to be exhibited at UCA Canterbury from 16 - 20 February. It has prompted me into thinking I should do a sketchbook again really. I always mean to keep one but abandon efforts after a a very short time. So perhaps a public statement of intent will help.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 My latest drawings continue to some extent with the food theme in that they combine prints using food, e.g. noodles, with drawn lines. The food theme seems quite important somehow though I am only inching towards an understanding of why. One thing I read recently explores the political importance of food. "As a ritual of integration, the meal, far from being a simple mechanism of automatic consensus, is an instance of negotiation... It can function as a procedure of mobilisaton, allegiance, or reconciliation. ... it offers of course a marvelous opportunity for treachery ... Thus eating together is a recurrent means of political participation in all its dynamism, complexity, and even conflctuality." (from The Illusion of Cultural Identity, Jean-Francois Bayart)  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 That's it - date for chemo to start is 28th Jan. I was expecting to feel relieved when I got the date but actually felt anxious, which I suppose shouldn't have been the surprise it was. My partner has been great and measured my head for a hat yesterday. Today I'm getting my hair cut short. I've been getting my work ready for the CSM interim show and annoyingly the opening is on 28th so I can't be there. However, I am going to try to get to The Bargehouse during the week.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 1st chemo yesterday and I'm feeling fine. I can't quite believe it but there we are.  I've been up in the office cum studio and working on some small pieces. I never know what titles to give, if at all, and have been toying with the idea of text in some form or other. Also the idea of how text can pick up undrawable narrative. My partner is fast asleep having promised to walk the dog. The dog has given up thoughts of a walk for now and is lying under my feet asleep. The cats are sleeping. I am the only one awake.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Was feeling a bit woozy today so didn't make it up to The Bargehouse. Fellow student Le sent me some pics though of my work installed. Other people helped hang it and also provided some lighting.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Here are a few close ups of my work in the Bargehouse. Am feeling quite perky and have done some DAD work and some new drawing. I've been catching up with old friends too via Facebook - a relatively recent discovery. I've just been listening to Front Row's interview with Gillian Ayres. I liked her statement that her paintings weren't about anything and that one could look in vain at the paintings to see what the relationship was to their titles.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 I've been taking a mini break in the sense that I've been making some Chinese New Year pieces. I usually make a card for my mother but this year have decided to make a few more as presents and also, inspired by DAD's Remade in Dover (http://www.remadeindover.net/HOME%204.html) upcycling project, I've been using old postcards, some of which I've had since I was at school. There is no point keeping them unlooked at in a box; funny though, when I took them out to look at again, they brought back loads of memories.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 What a day. Decided to see if the dog could walk without pulling me over and tested him on a longish walk. He was not too bad! Months and months of training and help from a dog handler are paying off. Positive reward based system only, which requires endless amounts of patience. Anyhow we got to where we wanted to in time for a meeting, where he was quite well behaved. Then he was allowed a loopy run in the snow and then we walked home and he managed a few spells of "pure genius" when he actually seemed to understand what was required. So now for a quiet time in the studio I hope. That is after making a load of phone calls, finishing a press release, updating the DAD website (www.dadonline.eu) and generally wrapping up the day. We've appointed a coordinator for the education programme on which I was leading so hopefully that will all run smoothly.      ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Feeling fairly energetic again. I took the bull by the horns yesterday and decided to take up an offer by my critical studies tutor to read what I have done so far on my research paper which I don't actually have to submit until next year. It's just that I've already done so much work on it I thought I might as well get some feedback now if I can. So I sent it off with not a little trepidation. I am trying to investigate autobiography as a component of both the making of work and the response to it so the form is also a kind of memoir, which I feel is rather risky, in that the whole thing could just get way too subjective.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Feeling very chuffed. Got very encouraging feedback on my draft research paper. Maybe I can pull it together by May and submit this year. Then I can just concentrate on my practice when I return to college next year.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 On with the research paper then. Lacan and the gaze. In the meantime have been busy in between periods of grogginess. DAD has set up a temporary 'story shop' in an empty venue in Dover where we will be collecting stories from people connected with Buckland paper mill which used to make Conqueror paper in Dover.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Still writing. It's strange but having read through lots of theory vs practice huffing and puffing on various a-n blog pages I am now realising how a really close engagement with theory is actually really exciting. I mean close engagement as in trying to read a few lines really carefully as opposed to trying to catch at all the bits of theory that come one's way. My own subjective reading of artworks is coming together with the theoretical in a way I hadn't expected and it is impacting on how I think about my practice. On we go! Have done about 6,000 words now. I'm not sure if I can submit this year as I'm not officially enrolled but if I can get the writing done, then next year I can just hone my practice. CSM doesn't give separate marks for the research paper and the final work, so it's just about practicalities in terms of time really as to whether I submit in May or not.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Back again. I've just sent a second draft of my research paper off for feedback. Let's see what comes back. It is now much more analytical than in its first incarnation. One good thing about deferring till next year is that I can experiment when it comes to my practice and give myself more time to get to the heart of what that practice is or might be. I'm currently making a book of sorts. I can't sew and I'm not dextrous, in part due to arthritic fingers, so the sewing feels like hard labour. Sewing also relates to my mother, whose stitches are neater and finer than machine made ones.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 I managed to finish my research paper and submit it on time. The marks will be carried forward till next year when I present my studio practice. My chemo sessions are over though the whole course of treatment isn't. Next stop hospital for an op. Anyhow, now that I am not writing and rewriting and editing and checking my bibliography I've got some time to play. I've been looking at medical imagery and think I might pursue this a bit, though this drawing/collage looks a bit too much like a plate.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 So nice to get a comment from Becky Hunter. Makes me feel connected. I haven't written much in this blog about how I've managed to keep busy. I got distracted by Facebook which I joined because I thought I was going to be completely out of it most of the time. Fortunately though, despite the fact that the chemo knocked me out every three weeks, the feeling of being totally incapable of anything at all only lasted a few days so I had about two weeks out of three where I was able to work at almost full energy levels. So I kept on writing, and rewriting my research paper and working on DAD stuff (Dover Arts Development). Joanna was great - she'd say "come on Clare, you've got chemo in 5 days so do it now!" It has been really important for me to have that kind of support. Realistic, upfront and not treating me as ill except when really I wasn't up to it. My partner has been fantastic in the same kind of way. And it has been important for me too to learn to let people know when I'm not able to do anything and when I am. Admittedly I haven't been out much - no trips to London to see work for fear of catching a cold on the train, but I'll soon put that right. Staying in control of my own activities has been the most important thing over these past few months.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Back from hospital after my operation. Was lucky to have a room to myself and free TV. Don't know what I did to deserve it but anyhow it meant I watched too much TV, although by the last day I'd had enough and read all of Brief Lives instead. So home and back to work. Submitted a funding bid yesterday to Screen South. They have a good system of a panel to discuss the bid with you and in this case give some advice on tweaking it in time for the final decision-making panel. I tweaked it as they suggested but didn't reduce the budget as much as they wanted. Just feel they ask alot for their money. If we don't get enough to run the project, we won't do it. Submitting another bid tomorrow for "New Recipes" funding from the Kent Arts Development Unit. Won't hear until end July whether successful. In the meantime we - that's DAD - have interest from Saga in our Watermark project. We suggested that not only the former Buckland Mill employees but also we fall within their target population! Still working on defining my practice, especially with the thesis behind me. Did this drawing today - very much work in progress. I'm thinking of working with text too.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 i was at Marine Studios in Margate for their First Friday event, which on this occasion was about natural navigation, - navigating without maps basically and reading the natural world for signs - where I bumped into Rob Turner of "A walk with Cosmo" fame. We chatted a bit about dogs, of course, and then he said he thought my blog was a bit light. It's quite interesting that and I suppose I've tried to keep these posts related to studio practice and since I haven't really done alot of studio practice there's not been much to write. One of the first things I did when diagnosed was get my hair cut short in preparation for losing it all - and I mean all. I also decided I'd dress my way through it so tried to be stylish - got some nice hats - and got some outfits together, which isn't to say there weren't days of staying in and wearing the most depressing of tracksuits. Days of not doing anything much except sleep, but it was days not weeks, so I've been lucky. Everyone has said how well I've looked, all the way through; maybe it's true but in some photos I definitely look ill and I definitely have been ill. Got some passport photos done yesterday in one of those booths and the result was pretty ghastly. As I'm someone who lives very much in my head, I've just kept working - DAD stuff and my thesis which was a great chance to experiment with personal criticism: writing that weaves the personal into the theoretical. With that as with this blog, I've had to think about the issue of boundaries and limits: what do I choose to reveal, disclose, make public? What do I keep private? What is relevant in terms of my practice? The body places limits: fatigue, stiffness, lack of strength, pain, all conspire to frustrate desire, ambition, plans. Drawing for me is where the body can be acknowledged in a non-heady way. My impossible heaps of lines are kind of growths and the final shape emerges as I draw; I think the process is close to the genesis that Klee refers to: "The work of art too is first of all, genesis: it is never experienced purely as result." This drawing is breast-like though I did not design it in advance to be like that. However, I quite like the fact that it is.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 As Rob says, my health does impact on my work but nonetheless I managed to write a whole paper on autobiography without once mentioning anything to do with health! Although autobiography or the personal can't help but be in one's work, I try to keep the direct link to health at arms length. Partly I think this is because although I don't think artwork can be reduced to autobiography, because it is always more than that, there is a risk of reduction because some viewers look no further. Hence sometimes the need not to be too focused on content. My paper ended up being more about the importance of the viewer's autobiography in constituting subjectivity and the viewer's experience of the artwork. The problem of reduction applies not only to autobiography, of course, but to any reading of the content of a piece.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Went to see the Agnes Martin show at Kettles Yard on Saturday. It was wonderful to step out of the heat into the gallery and enjoy the faded colours; the bands of paint which the pencil lines cannot quite contain; little seepages of thin paint cross the line of the pencil mark - betrayals of emotion leaking out. Driving home the sky was a hazy pale blue divided by a band of endless white cloud; I felt I was driving into one of her paintings.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 It has been all go with DAD stuff. Our film project is effectively a large-scale community project as well as a film. We had about 200 people at a reunion event for former employees of the paper mill, an event which is also part of the film. It was hugely emotional for many of the people there as they caught up with colleagues they hadn't seen for as many as 50 years in some cases. We also ran a weekend film workshop for young disabled filmmakers, which resulted in 6 3-minute films, and screened artists' films in Dover's Grand Shaft. So, unsurprisingly, I've not done much studio practice. I think though, rather than present the DAD work and the studio practice as being in conflict - it's more interesting to see both activities as different aspects of practice.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826 Well, I am through the hospital part of the treatment for now. For now is a kind of nagging thought that will accompany me for a while but anyhow I have been drawing again. Time probably to start another blog with a new focus.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/593826