ARTISTS TALKING

# 6 [4 January 2012]

The children's first day back to school_ Back home_ I'm picking left over bits from a christmas cracker, finding appropriate space for the new toys, other than the middle of the kitchen floor or the overcrowded breakfast bar.

Still looking for that one present, a CD of "Florence and the machine", lost in the battle on boxing day.

Picked up my best ever christmas present yesterday; an AJS DD125(the nicest little cruising bike I ever came accross); of Course, in the middle of the recession, can't afford it but, hey, life's too short, the recession is too long and the cost of things is only proportional to how much you use and enjoy!(she says)

My little boy cried on going to school this morning and I felt just like him; facing the dawnting prospect of self employment, no work (or too much unpaid work) did not appeal to me.

But it is time for change, or at least for resolutions. Every year I spend December applying for jobs of all sorts(including M&S), submiting work for exhibitions that will never happen, in brief, trying to plant some seeds to grow a full crop of opportunities.

Then January comes in and Winter and a time to retreat and think. My new year resolution is to start nurturing this blog with no pressure of writing the wright or wrong. I wish to use this space as a simple way to develop my thaughts and creativity. After all, this is what an Arts Council Grant should be funding.

I am starting to sense that perhaps the future of my art will not depend so much on how many job applications or submissions I will do but more on embracing joyful discoveries.

Photography is very much on the agenda this year and my first wish is to snick into the college's dark rooms and play.(after filling in my tax return on time of course)

I also have decided to get a fundraiser on board of " A Thousand Sheep" so we can create satellite events, hoping to raise awareness of the projects' aims and increase community involvement.

I am starting a regurar evening spinning workshop very soon, using the winter months to revive skills and hobbies  forgotten since television; People come and meet, chat, drink tea and spin wool for the project.

Happy creativity to all!

# 5 [30 August 2011]

It is now nearly september and I know I have been avoiding this blog for ages.I have ,however , religiously fed into my other blog, the one that speaks about events and avdertises dates to meet at the shed.

This one seems to be much more about my feelings about the project and they have been all over the place since I started.

I certainly reached a point when I resented the Arts Council for having given me a grant for a project which is near to impossible to complete. Then I thought in turn about

a.taking a job at Tesco

b.digging a hole in the field and burrying my head in it.

c.leaving the country

Fortunatly, I did not apply for the job, I did not have a very good spade and I went to France anyway and hid at my Mum's for a short break and some heart warming food.

I AM NOW BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!

 Despite the depressing fact that I did not secure funding to carry out my MA Fine art for this year and I am broke as ever as I did not make any income since the project started.

The positive facts are:

I have engaged so many people in the project and spent so much energy advertising it that most people I meet in and around ask me regularly about progress.

I have gathered a team of keen volunteers who are following me in the adventure.

I have engaged with many school children via the farm and via workshops  and am expecting to start school projects in September.

I have had corporate visits, artists and curators, members of the public, dog walkers, farmers...all asking questions and paying interest in the process.

I have created a strong trusting relationship with the farm and am managing to get help and feel that we are now working in partnership on developing the farm , the project and the future of both.

I have started to shape other events to link with the project and looked for core funding to help support further workshops which would include all for free.

I am also growing a good crop of madder for the next few years.

So looking back, I have done a lot of work and am a long way in the project in terms of public engagement. The actual making of the work is slightly slower but I have come to understand that I will certainly be on site for a bit longer than first planned(which is all ok with the farm and matches all the progress we are making).

I have also , now almost secured an exhibition for the work(thankfully not before february 2013) at Bridport Arts Centre which gives me a good deadline and motivation to carry on.

So , as for all previous Arts Council awards I have received, I am making incredible progress and am transforming my work and my career in unexpected ways.

So I should say so far so good! That is, if I can keep up the hard work for another year or so!

# 4 [25 May 2011]

On the road, problem solving?

Today , I am in Birmingham; I came to meet Teresinha, from Wild Colours company, who specialises in natural dyes. I came to get a few more tips, some plants to grow at the farm, some chopped madder roots for immediate use and a few extra ingredients.

I also set on the road to look for potential spaces for the final work and have found a possible great space available at the Custard Factory. As well as few others where I will send proposals.

I also pushed to Walsall to view Bob and Roberta Smith's work at the New Gallery and to the Ikon Gallery, where Tadasu Takamine's work resparked my interest for video work.

I have made 3 films with groups of learning disabled but feel that I have been avoiding the strain of new technologies within my own work.

 At this point, however, when I am facing the possibility of not achievening my goals with the making of the  installation(the strain of which is currently dragging me down) I am starting to think outside of the pattern I originally set to do and am considering stretching the work in an unexpected direction.

It is still very fresh(as yesterday afternoon) but feels that it could make the work all the more interesting and the making rather fun.

The problem with funding applications  is that you have to shape the work in your head so neatly that it takes out of the making the surprise element which is so related to creativity.

I am learning somehow that good planning can save money, time and above all precious energy.

I just wonder to what extend I can follow this rule and remain creative.I even wonder if the answer will give me the key to the next stage of my artistic career .

Another surprise and uncontrolled element just came to me on the phone: I am loosing my big studio from next month onwards.

How much unplanned elements do I want to add to my list?

I came to my "kind of Hotel", (cheap is not always cheerful) to find a parking ticket on my car, complained at the desk to realise it came from the last town I visited. They followed me 10 miles to come and stick it on my car and I wasn't even parked illegaly in the first place.

The things that put you off and come in your way for no apparent reasons are part of the obstacles that could make me feel like going home at 6 am this morning and give up the all "trying to be an artist" thing.

Instead I decide to hang around for a while and go and see another gallery to try to hang some old work.

The trip is a great breath of air(fresh, I don't know) but it is blowing my mind around and is making me think...

# 3 [16 May 2011]

I catch myself wishing that my January trip to India would not just feel like a long distant memory. I gathered there a lot of material for thought and for practice but most of all, I learnt that managing the unpredictable can be a daily task. Everyday brings a new surprise and the only certainty you can have is that of the impermanence of things.

As I am working through the project, questions are arising that I had not foreseen to be part of the technicalities of this work. It is becoming clearer to me now that I did not just start another work making project but have embarked on a life changing journey which will affect my career, my life, hopefully my income and definitely my family.

I can see in the way I wrote this project that I inadvertantly integrated all the ingredients for cooking up a storm at home. The project is huge and my head is currently spinning  from trying to cope with marketing, materials sourcing, research and experiments, making and sharing the process with the public. But most of all I can see the great need for me to put a business head on right from start of project as I will need to financially triple the Arts Council input(pressure's on).

I am almost, for the first time, contemplating the possibility of not achieving my goals as set in proposal and I can see that I have taken a bigger risk than anticipated.

I am not the one to give up easily though and am currently seeking all solutions for help, including child minder and cleaner to rescue my family(all on limited budget).I am also looking at all potential help I can get from the farm(and it is already great) including volunteers.

I know, deep inside, that it is all about setting up the foundation for good working practice and am trying hard to do so and prioritise. I also can't wait for that stage to be over and dive into the unbeatable joy of working outoor in a field, lighting fires.(must have some gypsy blood in me!)

# 2 [14 April 2011]

Two weeks into the project now.

There is so much to do at once; I want to make sure i set up good practice from start and collect evidence as I go. Still have my Arts Council report head on and it seems to help me to insure the project's good direction.

I have been working at the farm days of up 12 hours and feel almost drunk with fresh air.I also stink of bonfire each time I come home.However, i can see this becoming very addictive and the hours go by so quickly. So far I have scraped mud and sheep manure, moved and chopped pallets to burn, lit firs and kept them going all day and best of all, dipped up to my elbows in sheep fleece.

Anyway, I am having a great time as much as I am exausted.I am going for a training day in dyeing with natural plants at the week end. I can't wait.

One downer is to start such a project at the beginning of Easter Holiday as I wish I had a day off to take my children out. They have come to the farm with me and had great times there but I are quite as keen as me. Still this old conflict of managing artist life and parenthood !

# 1 [7 April 2011]

On getting an Arts Council Grant

Two years ago, 1000 sheep appeared over night in the field surrounding my studio, based on an ex military defense unit near Salisbury. Today, is day 1 of " A Thousand Sheep" art project.

On receiving my third Grant for the Arts funding, I considered myself lucky, and yet, I know that my applications do not owe their success to pure luck.

Starting an Arts Council application is an adventure and a project in itself; the work required to gather the elements necessary to the shaping of a strong project surely holds as much value as the project itself. 

 I have seen my career take a giant step forward during each award I received. This has been invaluable as if it wasn’t for the Arts Council, I probably would not be in the profession anymore.

I recently was reading the a-n newsletter and was noticing how much artists sounded bitter in a lot of articles. The economic climate does not currently help us to think positively and it is getting harder and harder to make the case for Art.(I wish I hadn’t heard the  Jeremy Vine show the other day!)

On reading from a range of testimonies from various professionals from Daily Mail, March, on how they were affected by the funding cuts, I found that I could only compare my annual income to the one of a recent graduate who was waitressing while looking for a job in her qualification.

After 15 years experience as a free lance artist, I am facing another year with no chance of starting a pension fund.(and I am already 40)

So why did I choose the lowest paid profession in this country and kept sticking at it ?

Is it because my independent worker’s mind makes me unemployable, or is it that I don’t know how to do anything else?

I am more tempted to think that it is because I love it and can not live without it.

I have dedicated my life to convincing others to engage with and be part of the Art, and to thrive through creativity and the nurturing of the  imagination.

Rejection and success are inherent parts of an artist’s life, yet I don’t know if poverty should be .

Hopefully this project will make a difference

I have seen many worse ways of spending a lifetime and am prepared to continue the hard work, no matter what.

So yes, I am lucky and proud to be an artist.

(I have now had my car crashed on car park and will have to spend my 41^st birthday money on it! So be it!)

Many Thanks to the Arts Council for their support.