ARTISTS TALKING

# 43 [20 October 2011]

Feeling much more positive than I have over the last few days. The work is going well. I think I have resolved the lullaby/textiles problem, at least in my head, and enough to show at a group tutorial to get feedback from my peers and tutors. The Quilt-As-Essay is also going well and seems to have universal approval, I just need to make it fulfil its early promise, and deliver what I’ve said I’m going to. I’ve done all of the onerous tasks and the navel gazing, so I can now get on with the actual business of the research… I can’t believe I lost sight of this in amongst the Deleuze and the Bachelard. I am now starting to collect anecdotes about children taking risks, either stories from adults who remember tales of their own derring-do, or courageous parents of adventurous children who do so now, or any who are prevented from doing so in the name of protection. I welcome any tales my readers may like to impart!

Dan and I have a meeting to do with our Big Idea… Hurray!

Dan’s debut album is now available to listen to online through facebook, there is a link on his website at:

www.dan-whitehouse.com 

It is truly wonderful, well worth a few clicks to find and listen to. The album launch is at Birmingham’s Glee Club on Wednesday 26th… Can’t wait!

I was going to take a picture of the honey and almond cake, specially for David Minton, but it was eaten before the camera battery charged!

Such is life.

# 42 [16 October 2011]

Sometimes this a-n blog thing drives me mad, I’ve written this comparatively short post twice and each time I press the save button it throws me out and loses it! GRRRRR!

So, third time, I’m writing it elsewhere and pasting it in.

Right, where was I?

Oh yes…

Thank you everyone for your comments, not just here, but on facebook, twitter, via email and in person. They all help me in the decision making process. At the moment my thoughts are as follows (though anyone who knows me will realise that anything could change in the next half hour):

I wrote a song, and when it is played on its own, it is a song. Either I am not clever enough, or I can’t be arsed, to make it art when it is played on its own (I suspect the latter, but don’t tell my tutors)

I originally wrote it to sit with my textile pieces, so when it does this, it is part of the art.

How it does this remains to be seen, but I have a couple of weeks to sort out this thorny issue before I feel able to present it confidently to my peers.

Today I shall attempt to squish a pair of speakers into a piece of furniture. I suspect there will be a good deal of swearing involved.

I shall put the kettle on and perhaps make a cake. Want some David?

# 41 [15 October 2011]

It’s been a thoughtful week.

I played with my lullaby in a huge project space in Margaret St on Wednesday. I fiddled with speakers, volume, balance, position, channels. I sat, stood and wandered about. I listened to different edits and mixes and made some decisions I was happy with. This was how I wanted it to sound. Smiles and cups of tea all round. Nodding occurred.

Then I had a tutorial.

Humph.

Then I was grumpy. I left the building feeling all the decisions I had made about my work were not valid, or strong enough. If you’ve followed this story of music as art you will know I was a bit wobbly about it anyway, so this knocked me a bit. I have written lists of comments and questions made, and tried to answer them. I know that’s what I signed up for, so I’m not really whinging about the process.

I think the main issue for people (other than musicians apparently) is the fact that it is a song. I make no apology for this. It is fairly polished in its production, and it is musical. I make no apology for those things either. That’s what I wanted. I wanted a contemporary lullaby. Older tunes and older words didn’t fit for me. I tried them, that’s why I ended up writing my own. I want it to sound like a “proper song”. I want people to hear it as such. The successful display / playing of it with the other work was the issue for me.

No, I don’t want it sung by a “younger” voice. Mothers are mothers. My voice has just as much validity as any other mother. More, in fact, because aspects of the work are personal to me.

No, I don’t want to make it rougher, just so it can be more comfortably fitted into the “Sound Piece” category and be less of a song… in fact, I have quite a problem making something complete sound rougher by taking things away from it and effecting a false roughness. I like the fact that the sounds I recorded are hidden and woven into the song.

The embroidery that I do is subtle within the garments… the match works for me.

And alongside all this that I’ve had to think about, I am STILL no closer to answering the display / play questions.

Now, I find I’m wrestling with an almost moral issue: do I fight for my song to be how it is, or do I just make another edit, rough it up a bit and jump through the hoop. (I have made this edit, and it’s crap, and I hope it never sees the light of day). If I wasn’t doing an MA, I wouldn’t even be contemplating making these changes.

I have spent some time thinking about whether these two aspects of my work, the audio and the visual, have different audiences. The conclusion I have come to is that the song is happy to sit on its own, but now, without the song, the textile pieces are less.

What does that say about where I take my work in the future?

I heard this week that a friend is very ill and has a long stretch of surgery, treatment and recovery in front of him. This arty bollocks pales into insignificance.

# 40 [8 October 2011]

Sometimes it can be hard to let go can't it? The lullaby is now finished (other than the matter of how it is heard/shown/received). What I'm finding is that I can't stop thinking about it, and its process, and the changes i have experienced while it has developed. A little self-analysis is useful I think. This "child" of mine has coincidentally taken about 9 months from conception to birth. How I feel about it echoes the research I'm doing about the over-protection of children. I wanted to keep it to myself until it was perfect, I want to keep tinkering with it, I want to protect it from harsh criticism and misuse or abuse. But it's out there now and has to fend for itself.

A friend said to me that he'd not seen me get this excited about my textile work. We had a conversation about how I still see it as part of the textile. It is textured, has layers, is stitched together from pieces that make a whole thing that is more than the sum of its parts.

I think I have empty nest syndrome.

# 39 [6 October 2011]

Well here we are then, the moment of truth and courage!

This is my Lullaby. Called, imaginatively, “Lullaby”

I hope you like it. Whether you do or don’t, for whatever reason, please feel free to comment and let me know. This is a real departure for me, and it’s hard to judge. It has been an amazing experience to make it. And I have already started thinking of another piece...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmo4KSz3Nsw

(The video isn't great for this, it's the sound that is important, but the limits of the blog mean I can only play you music if it's on a you tube video, so please forgive the visual element, I just wanted to get it up here quickly before I changed my mind!)

# 38 [2 October 2011]

Today is a not-art day. I've got a busy week coming up, so need to do all the other stuff today, to enable me to get on with it all without guilt or panic that I need to be doing something else.

So, thank goodness I'm feeling well again, but I'm still somewhat hampered by the hot clammy weather here in the Midlands today, I'm one of those delicate(?!) creatures that hates hot sunny weather. This isn't helped by the fact I've been doing all the things I usually avoid in the heat... baking, cooking meals, ironing. I wish someone would invent linen that I didn't need to iron.

To relieve that sticky feeling then, I'm now sat in the shade of my shed in the garden, with a big mug of Lady Grey,writing an artist's blog that's nothing to do with art. Well it makes a change from the usual self-conscious arty-bollocks whingeing that usually goes on here doesn't it?

# 37 [29 September 2011]

I'm feeling rubbish today. I've picked up some horrible bug from somewhere or someone. But in between the really rubbish bits I'm managing to do a bit more reading, and nail down the concept of Quilt-As-Essay. I think I now have it sorted in my head, thanks to Deleuze, Bachelard and more recently and more usefully, Umberto Eco's "The Open Work" - which I think I'll come back to again and again.

I'm also thinking about a pre-proposal meeting for my Big Idea (I'm afraid it'll have to remain a secret till I hopefully get the go-ahead). What to take, just in case, but not so much as to frighten them off!

I have made a list of things I'd like to achieve during next week's Lullaby recording session - one of which is a one-minute mix to put up here for you to listen to. This is a scary prospect, and I may need something tasty in a bottle to help me press the publish button.

Still wringing my hands over the display of the bonnet and dress (they wont fit the same doll, bugger!) (but actually, changed my mind after anyway, as the doll adds a dimension I don't want). The drawer idea would be ok, if I had lots of things in lots of drawers, but at the moment I don't.

...and anyway, I think I'd quite like people to be able to handle them, which is always a thorny gallery problem isn't it? Any ideas?

been looking at: Lucy Orta, Susan Collis, Cleo Mussi, Freddie Robins

been listening to: Elbow (Asleep in the back), Ella Guru (The First Album), Jose Gonzales (Veneer), The Miserable Rich (12 Ways to Count) (particularly the Boat Song, but I've talked about that little obsession before)

Just added photos of clothes in drawers, I'm liking this better now, think it'll go on some sort of pedestal (visual pun intended).

# 36 [27 September 2011]

The secret project I mentioned in post no17 can now be revealed... I've been making recycled fabric sleeves for a limited edition of Dan Whitehouse's debut album... if you want one of these, containing his gorgeous songs, rush headlong to his website, or turn up to the launch gig and buy one!

www.dan-whitehouse.com

# 35 [24 September 2011]

I think I’m quite suggestible. If someone I like and/or respect has a thought about my work, I’m all set to say “That’s a good idea!” and set off down that path. It can take me quite an effort of will to think it through carefully to make sure it really is a good idea, and really does fit with how I’M thinking.

This is the problem I’m having with the music and textiles. Originally they did sit happily in my head and sketchbook together. Synchronised. People have been very kind and complimentary about the lullaby, and a couple have said I shouldn’t over complicate things. The song could stand on its own. I know this. But that was never the original intention. The textile pieces could also stand alone. I know that too. I’m also wondering about my ownership of the song. The concept is mine, but its execution is collaborative, and tangled and lovely! The textiles are mine all mine. In terms of the art, the song is my idea, but I’ve had lots of help from Dan and could not have got anywhere near how it is now on my own. That’s the whole point of collaboration surely? If I was not using this for my MA, I wouldn’t be even worried. I’d stick up a label with both our names on and keep going. 

I don’t really know what I’m asking here? Just writing what I’m thinking in the hope that all will become clear or someone will come up with an answer for me!

Perhaps I should describe a bit more…

I have the baby dress which has appeared photographed here before (post no24) with a bonnet embroidered with sshh...shh...sh...sshhh...shh ssh….and so on, with felt pads inserted to protect delicate ears. (See attached photos) These may be displayed on a doll, or framed in old pine drawers… not decided yet... Lullaby (lyrics on post no22) will play on a 5 min (ish) loop.

Tell me your thoughts my astute e-friends!

# 34 [22 September 2011]

* very very cheap headphones are crap, no stereo! As someone very wise once said "you get what you pay for". So I'll not be sending to Japan for the mp3 player that costs 1p, no postage then.

* finished hanky

* washed quilts, they got wetter, weather forecast wrong

* Lullaby is sounding great (well I think so) last recording session on it on Oct 5th, may have something to play you then.

* washing instruction idea is rubbish

-------

Lots of people to talk to yesterday. I think I'm approaching a bit of a crossroads in my work, and I'm finding it a bit scary.

TEXTILES=SECURITY BLANKET

Elliot Smith (Waltz no2, see obsessions below) wrote "leave me alone in the place where I make no mistakes, in the place where I have what it takes"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBxYfLqKyew

This MA that I'm doing though... what would be the point in finishing it, and my final show looking like it could have been made at the beginning?

I have a group tutorial coming up. I'm thinking of showing NONE of the textiles I've been working on... just playing the sound stuff. I know the textiles are good, they work, they are interesting. I have confidence in my skill, and in the results. Time to put my neck on the block eh?

feeling a bit nauseous....