ARTISTS TALKING

# 97 [2 October 2009]

At the front of a very long queue of traffic, in conversation with the man in the toll booth at the Humber Bridge.

man: £2.70 love

me: oh dear... the thing is, I don't actually want to cross the bridge...I took the wrong turning at the..

man: this is a toll bridge. You need to give me £2.70

me: yes I see. It's just that, I don't actually have any money, and I don't want to cross the bridge. I went wrong at the roundabout and...

man: all the cars are waiting.

me: (wobbly voice). Oh dear. What should I do? You see I couldn't turn round because of the central reservation and I'll be late to pick up my daughter if I have to go all the way over the bridge and back and I've got no money and...

man: you can pay by card

me: (all attempts at assertiveness dissolved). oh. Yes. of course. That's what I should do.... (tearily) can I have a return ticket?

Or at least that was the version of events in my head as I sat helplessly in the queue. Then I spotted a gap in the central reservation, hurrah, yahoo!! A way out, and better still no need for assertiveness or confrontation.

I blame it on The Archers - it was Annette's latest love interest that distracted me.

# 96 [25 September 2009]

I keep dreaming that I'm typing great witticisms and brilliant insights into my blog. If only it were true. I can't even remember them in the morning. At least I am brilliant in my sleep I suppose.

I found this, in my handwriting in a notebook, which was encouraging: 'sometimes when I'm writing, reading or thinking about art I get a sensation in my head as if a blast of wind has briefly lifted a lid on my brain and I have a sense of a possibility of seeing/thinking about things differently. Then it's gone.' I'm pretty sure I must have written it, as I certainly understand the sentiment!

Below, in a different pen it said this, (which I will put into practice soon - probably alone in the living room...)

'Hard Times Require Furious Dancing', Alice Walker 2007

# 95 [14 September 2009]

When I'm incubating an idea, preparing to transform it into a reality, I wish I could skip the stage I'm in now - the 'oh god what was I thinking, this is a terrible, boring, pointless idea that no-one is interested in - and I've got to force myself to see it through' stage.

I keep wanting to just give up, but then have to face the stark reality that that means giving up on everything I've been working on for the past several years as all my ideas are facets of one driving force.

I like the shiny exciting glint of a new idea feeling much better than this.

A cup of tea and spot of 'hanging out the washing' should see me through in the short term. I think that's one of my top ten strategies - washing as art practice. Good job there are loads of dirty clothes to go at. 

# 94 [13 September 2009]

In the interest of balance and truth I feel obliged to report that today I did 'one of my routines' as they are fondly known in our house.

'I can't cope, I do everything in this house, I never get a day off, it's not normal, something needs to change, I don't know how to do it differently, it's just chaos all the time, go away daughter I'm talking to your dad, it's not possible to do less, well that's easy for you to say, yes I know we've been over all this before. a lot.'

I'm going to try keeping my work to 4 days a week, and spend a day a week getting on top of home and life.

Any bets on how long it'll last?

# 93 [12 September 2009]

Tons of stuff going on. The curator of Mother/Mother, jennifer wroblewski, has put me in touch with two fascinating women - Sharon Thomas is an artist based in Scotland and also taking part in the show. myrel chernick is a curator, currently working on a book - check out http://www.myrelchernick.com/maternalmetaphors. I'm filming at ACE Clothes in Leeds this afternoon to gather footage for my installation 'inside out'. I'm researching artists who are mothers for a curatorial proposal - some inspiring role models are coming to light. Might help challenge ignorant assumptions about what sort of art mothers make. Got a meeting booked at ACE to talk about APT-Artists Parents Talking. A load of new schools to work with as a creative agent. And my heads still spinning after an afternoon discussion at The Brunei Gallery in London with a group of anthropologists, curators, art historians. No wonder I'm not sleeping well!

# 92 [3 September 2009]

me: look - all you have to do is stand in the changing room, with your jeans round your ankles for 10 minutes while I take some photos

older daughter: muuum. you are SO embarassing.

me: I'll buy you a milk shake.  Think of it like work placement - artist's assistant.

older daughter: I do not want to be an artist mum.

me: Go on - it will be fun - a day out together.

Older daughter:I'll do it if no-one's looking. If anyone comes in the shop, don't talk to me.

me: deal.

older daughter: humph

# 91 [3 September 2009]

I need to make a public statement about my clever and generous partner, to balance some of the criticism about his approach to domesticity. (not that he gives a damn when I write about that - he's very comfortable with his approach to 'dirt-blindness'). Anyway, back to hte point before I start moaning again.

He stayed up with me last night until very late, helping design the flyer for 'Inside Out'. He didn't complain and was very patient, despite having an early start and a long day in London ahead of him.

He has guided me through all the technical/production aspects of this piece (video projections are one of his specialities). His name isn't even on the flyer, yet he's booked a day off work to help set up on the day.

Now isn't he just mint?! Every artist needs one.

www.lightnightleeds.co.uk - event number 164

# 90 [3 September 2009]

I am totally happy - all day - guaranteed. The thrills and spills of being an artist. After two days of agitating, and obsessively checking and refreshing my emails I got a response from AIR Gallery in New York...

'Your work has been selected for
inclusion in the Mother/mother- exhibition.

Mother/mother- began as a labor of love, to find work by artists
willing to embrace their dual roles of parent and artist, who proudly
let parenting inform and expand their work. There were over 300 submissions, many
of which were strong.

I am thrilled to have the opportunity to include your work in the show. Specific
details about the work selected, loan contracts, drop-off/delivery
dates, etc will follow very shortly.'

I hadn't dared to mention my application in previous posts, I wanted to keep it private - public disappointment is really uncomfortable.

# 89 [1 September 2009]

feel a bit guilty when partner gets home from a long day of work to chaos, no dinner, no food in cupboards, and a list of demands (from me) relating to the benefits of short throw projector lenses over normal lenses. He's gone in search of fish n chips.

Then I remember - I've also had a long day's work whilst simultaneously persuading younger daughter to write birthday thank you letters/ tidy up after herself  and ferry older daughter to horses and back and wash three sets of bedding (to eliminate threadworm eggs). it rained on the washing. I forgot to go to physio and my head hurts.

so - enough of the guilt. fish n chips are arriving - hurrah

# 88 [1 September 2009]

Can't sleep - and when I do I'm troubled by giant dream parasites. Might be something to do with the fact that I've just dosed the family with worming tablets and am working my way through washing all bedlinen, towels, bathmats, nighties. If it's not that it's nits I suppose. Or the fleas from the neighbours cat. Kids and pets = yuk.

I'l try to think about happy things instead. My piece for Leeds Light Night is coming along nicely - it's called 'Inside Out'. I've just written the blurb for the brochure, as follows:

‘Inside Out’ a site specific installation by Rachel Howfield (www.rachelhowfield.net)

For one night only, this new work,  made specially for Light Night, offers a playful look at the notion that ‘you are what you wear’.

Satisfy  your voyeuristic tendencies, and spend some time loitering on the street to watch video projections or peeking into changing cubicles to see an intriguing installation.

Drop in any time between 5pm and 9pm on 9^th October 2009 - Ace Clothing, Boar Lane, Leeds