ARTISTS TALKING

# 47 [4 March 2009]

A list of good things that have happened to cheer me up.

1. I've been invited to talk at the AIR open dialogues in Sheffield. A great opportunity. For me, words always flow better as written text, than when they come out of my mouth, but I'll give it a shot.

2. I've decided that my luxury item on my desert island would be a pair of robins, perfectly adapted to the climate, but outwardly identical to British robins. It's been worrying me for years that I couldn't think of a luxury that I would actually want.

3. I'm working on an artist's book to document the work produced during my ACE funded R&D year - working with a really good designer, Adrian Riley from Electric Angel

4. My secret about the cleaner is out in the open. phew.

5. I've decided to make more time for networking in West Yorkshire - we've lived here nearly a year, and I do really like it, but need to be more 'part of it'.

6. I'm going to Venice Bienale - partner bought flights as a surprise Valentine gift. Not bad eh?

7. the days are lighter, the sun shines a bit more now, which makes everything a bit more cheery.

# 46 [4 March 2009]

I've got a terrible dirty secret and I need to confess. I've been paying a woman to clean my house. She's been doing it since November, but it just never seems the right time to mention it.

Then a friend said that she'd noticed I was talking about housework less in my blog and I knew I had to come clean (so to speak).

It's the most wonderful thing ever, I get genuinely excited about coming home to a clean house on a Monday. I make the whole family tidy up on a Sunday. It's no longer my burden and I feel liberated.

How I reconcile this with my feelings of guilt about paying another woman  to clear up my sh*t is confusing. Like any number of guilty transactions (clothes from Asda, imported apples etc). And for that matter, why do I still see it as 'my' sh*t not 'ours'.

I've also (obviously) stopped adding to my jars of dirt and dust from the house, so that piece of work is on-hold until further notice. Which also makes me happy.

# 45 [4 March 2009]

I've been delaying posting a blog until a disc of images of 'Chamber Maid' arrives in the post from Julia Gatie, photographer. I'm not patient enough though, so that will have to follow. I do want to try to articulate that piece on the blog at some point though.

In the meantime I am experiencing my first calm week for ages. No 'chamber maid', no house guests, no Creative Partnerships deadlines (I'm a freelance Creative Agent), no urgent need to do a food shop/ mouse-proof the kitchen/ go to the dentist...

Most of these tasks are behind me for the time being, so I can finally let it all sink in and relax.

Or, it turns out, I can spend 3 days solid catching up on book-keeping and emails. Now my neck and shoulders hurt, and I haven't even finished my books. Thinking about money has led me to reflect on recent developments and plan for the next phase - always striving to get the right financial/creative balance.

# 44 [23 February 2009]

I'm still having wild dreams where I am hauling projectors up endless dusty staircases, unable to find the right hotel room. I just haven't had a moment to mentally or emotionally process anything yet, having had an old mate and her two kids all squeezed into the house for a week, with lots to do and talk about. Youngest child goes back to school tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to an empty house. Got toothache today too.

Here are some pics of the film which was projected in the window of room 315, viewable from the street all night. It caused a bit of a stir amongst late night drinkers. It's quite a lighthearted video of me doing daft things, (ungainly star jumps, crawling, jumping about, waving) interspersed with giant close-ups of my face.

For those that saw inside the room it offered a very different perspective on the character who inhabits the room.

# 43 [22 February 2009]

This must be the comedown. Even when you know what it is it's not much fun.

# 42 [16 February 2009]

It's all over. It took most of the day to pack up and return various belongings to various friends, having lived an itinerant lifestyle for a week. I'm deeply exhausted and deeply safisfied.

I had an overwhelmingly positive response to my piece, and had to turn lots of disappointed visitors away, who had heard from other Coastival-goers that the 'chamber-maid' was one of their highlights. I re-jigged the bookings to fit another 7 slots in on Sunday and still had to turn folk away.

So I'm thrilled with the response, although I am already refining the piece in my head, and feeling a bit niggly about the bits I wasn't 100% happy with. Some people are never satisfied.

Children are demanding to know what the schedule is for half term. Friend coming to stay tomorrow with two small children. I just want to sleep...

# 41 [15 February 2009]

feel I should try to say something about the last few days. I feel like I am on waltzer 24hours a day, everything is streaming together, in a jerky, not-relaxing kind of way. Overall I am happy this morning, having had a couple of hours sleep and lots of good feedback about my work. lots of things have happened and I don't know where to start. got to get family up and out of the house so I can reset the hotel room and partner can ferry children to various activities, so in a rush at moment. I can't believe what people get up to when they have 20 minutes in a hotel room - they certainly don't treat it like a gallery.

hotel very hectic, staff not very helpful, churny tummy, lifts broken, non stop conversations and dashing around, sudden snow storm so I had to abandon car and sleep at a friends, then wear all her clothes on my opening day, tired, dry mouth, nerves, excitement, thrill, strange encounters. what will I do when it's all over.

# 40 [10 February 2009]

Partner was upset that I criticised him in a recent post. My immediate response is simple - humf - it's easily avoided - just tidy up more... chunter, rumble etc.

But in the interests of balance I must also recognise that he has done a brilliant job of formatting all my films for ipods, provided lots of advice about projectors and leads (I love their names, and regret the fact that I have no need for a 'double ended female' or a 'splitter', which make me laugh like a pubescent schoolboy). He's also cooked some meals and shopped for some food.

Not that he should get special recognition for doing a few domestic chores I hasten to add.

I'm sure it was easier to be a feminist when the battle lines were more clearly drawn. I will ponder this today while I pack my case for my trip to scarb tonight.

# 39 [6 February 2009]

Well I'm cracking on with things, despite having children at home for most of the week - snow induced school closures.

It just feels like the slog at the end of a marathon though, I'm not really enjoying it any more, just working my way through my daily list of tasks. Hopefully I'll get a nice high rush when it opens. I'm really tired and it's harder to do things properly. I've got ulcers in my mouth, headaches and other gripes and groans.

Oh - and mice in the food cupboard. nice. I hope they are just taking temporary refuge from the snow, as everyone tells me that humane traps don't work and I really don't want to kill them. On the other hand, I didn't want to be wiping tins and throwing away packets at 10 o'clock at night last night either, so they've got to go.

I've moved the food for now - haven't got time to deal with it any more. Right, off to orthodontist with oldest daughter now, then back to sewing pictures into pants. ah the glamour.

# 38 [4 February 2009]

Monday: partner and girls sledge, make snowmen, walk by snowy river, while I am in my studio grafting. No-one believes me that being an artist is hard work, but it feels it today. 

Tuesday: Normally I am a huge fan of snow. On this particular occasion, as I leave distraught children with very kind neighbour to trek to Leeds on trains, (car stuck in drive) I feel less enamoured. A worthwhile trip though - Lucy has done a brilliant job of editing my videos, with real sensitivity to what I'm about - so I return home happy.

Wed: slogging my way through list of jobs, despite thumping headache. Car still snowed in, but I have found a splendidly tasteless gold bedspread for the hotel bed, and am now making a complete bodge of making little windows for ipods to sit snugly into. Lucky it came with two pillowcases for practising on. Might need professional help with this though.