ARTISTS TALKING

# 1 [14 July 2009]

I'm three quarters through a part time PgDip in History of Art. We're just onto modern and contemporary art. Previously to that I did a BA at Chelsea in Fine Art: Painting. I work part time in quite a demanding job. In October I'm going to York University for a one year MA in History of Art. Got funding so don't have to work that year, can really focus. But find myself longing for art making again.

As part of my course I'm reading a book edited by Gill Perry on women's practice. There's a brilliant interview in there with Cornelia Parker, talking about a pretty romantic view of being an artist, of wanting freedom and philosophical/intellectual stimulation. It ignited all that pent up desire to 'be' an artist. Is it easier to 'be' one than to actually get down and make things? After so much critical study of the history of art (and more to come, which i do love), it's strange to have those desirous feelings recur, pulling me towards that almost vocation of artisthood, of freedom, discovery, spirituality, politics, philosophy etc. Is that type of thing still possible now?

I don't think I'm as good an artist as I am a writer and scholar. But art is probably harder to grade isn't it? 

Like a lot of people on this a-n site, I want to record thoughts and experiences in the hope that I might have a deeper engagement with art and develop a meaningful practice of my own. I'm hoping to question things and leave myself written reminders, because it's so easy to keep worrying over the same thing. 

Writing about this feely stuff looks strange as art is 'meant' in my mind to be hyper critical. I feel quite exposed already, open to other people's criticism, and also thinking, well it doesn't matter because no-one's going to read this blog anyway. I think it's mainly for myself anyway. Will try and write something more concrete soon.

# 2 [15 July 2009]

I'm at work... pretty tiring day... my job involves talking to victims of crime about what's happened and trying to provide them some help, advice, support... not sure why that's relevant to my artist-work. I spend quite a lot of time on my own, studying, writing, making stuff (sometimes) and I live on my own so talking to people on the phone is draining but in a good way, it feels enriching.

On Saturday I drew quite a bit, abstract things on paper, cloth and a saucer. Also filmed a saucepan of water coming to the boil on my hob. And photographed my (balletic) blinds curving in the wind - I always keep my windows wide open, I like a breeze blowing through the flat.

Have been reading about photography and feel it might be worth exploring in more depth. Something I always wanted to do at art school but didn't have the courage (or the patience or the knack?)... I find it enthralling reading about depth of field, grain, focal length, horizontal/vertical, and learning to see those qualities in the photographs made by ace women artists. Perhaps quite a formalist at heart (although I do love socially motivated work like Mierle Laderman Ukeles' garbage-barge ballet - how to reconcile this?) I took a set of photographs a few years ago all of the same tree, but each using a different apeture. The results were quite beautiful and subtly graded in colour density and focus. Might try something similar now. Will try and post some of those photographs if I can find them.

Enough writing for today. I was thrilled to find that someone had commented on my first post yesterday. So much for being invisible :)

# 3 [17 July 2009]

Today I was thinking about artists who write. There's quite a lot of them (us?). Picasso has at least one thick volume of collected writings and stories published... Louise Bourgeois's creative writing has just started appealing to me. With quite a psychological or surrealist edge, she describes brief, intense scenes of loss, absurdity and overwhelming fear. They work well with her drawings and etchings of that period and offer a theoretical/emotional framework for them, though I've also seen a wall stacked salon-style with similar etchings: the screaming tense delicate quality of line and compositional awkwardness on those etchings are way more affecting, breathtaking even, without writing or titles beside them.

Thought I'd link to a couple of stories that I've written: 'Robotics', 'Pottery Class', and 'Flowers'. I'm not sure if I'd be interested in using text in close conjunction with more physical art but I tend to write about specifically visual art related subjects. It might be a way of sorting things out in my own mind after an attempt at working with a particular medium that I couldn't get to work satisfactorily. Hmm... I have much lower expectations of writing than of visual/fine art though so satisfaction comes much sooner, and perseverance is only over a period of a few days or hours, not months...

Thinking of satisfaction though, I had coffee with an artist friend on Wednesday morning. He's way more productive on the actual making things and getting them seen side of things than I am; has international residencies and shows often; but he surprised me by saying that he is never satisfied with his work or with his exhibitions, it's only the tiniest little bit of something going right that he relies on to keep going... Do most artists have such low satisfaction levels?

Agnes Martin wrote about artists needing to be able to cope with failure and disappointment as a staple of their practice. What do people on artists talking think about this?

# 4 [18 July 2009]

Not too much to add today. Had a fun, if fultile, attempt to walk through floodwater into the town centre but had to turn back right at the end. Noticed some cool things like a red/orange moth and a bee virtually making love to a bright lilac flower.

Thought I'd post a couple of photos of newer work, cardboard and thread piece. Maybe to make twenty of them before judging how successful they are.

Also, would like like to link to Ruth Laskey's website, she's an artist that weaves her own canvas/linen and makes sparse almost paintings with twill thread. She was featured in Artforum last year but since then hasn't been in the news much. I'm going to be interviewing her and am excited to find out more about her.

Another one of my favourite artists is Varda Caivano. Her work seems to have a historical and emotional depth that isn't often found at the moment. I would aspire to make work as moving and skillful as these two women, if I had the courage and time to make things more consistently. What does anyone else think of these works?

# 5 [21 July 2009]

Have been thinking about writing, more than making art, the past few days... Have been reading a lot of Anne Lamott's old Salon articles here and attempting to write some short stories based on childhood memories of sweaty prophesying figures and nervous head-covered women in the church I attended when I was aged 4-10ish. Am hoping that writing out that stuff will actually get it out so that I am able to move on and not feel so beaten up by those early experiences.

Not sure how I would tackle that stuff in a work of art, but also don't want to be so category-conscious when it comes to art, writing, music, all those things come from similar places and cross over more than they're allowed to in the separated social spaces they're often assigned to.

I'll keep posting whatever I do produce here. This week is a bit preoccupied with essay writing, a course deadline and then another deadline in August and one in September, and a couple of other pieces with deadlines in between... a lot to be managing, but it will be managed, I'm sure most people manage more!

The main thing, I feel at the moment, is to keep engaging every day with something, keep enagaging... and sometimes snatch some rest.

# 6 [22 July 2009]

Still writing from memory at the moment... and trying to put together a course essay for next week.

Am looking forward (with great terror - is that possible?) to my final PgDip project due in late September. I'm going to be looking at Agnes Martin's grid paintings and wondering whether they are inscribed with gender in any way. For the most part I would argue not, except for the fact that she was  female. I don't find straightforward arguments convincing, such as looking at Martin's 'feminine' delicacy or hand-crafted style - as Naomi Wolff points out in The Beauty Myth male delicacy (she gives the biological example of testicles) is even more extremely delicate than perceived female delicacy. (Ann Wagner makes similar and more complex points in this realm on the feminist interpretation of Eva Hesse's oevre).

I'm a little confused by Griselda Pollock's reading of Martin's work in 'Agnes Dreaming: Dreaming Agnes' - sometimes the psychoanalytic references get so obscure... but I'm hoping a couple of days of close reading and chasing up footnotes in a quiet library might solve that problem. Pollock is convinced that Martin's paintings again have that 'feminine' essence (although she wouldn't call it that), writing that Martin's works in museums radiate a peaceful feeling in comparison to her

And obviously Rosalind Krauss's incredible (in all senses of the word?), gender-free piece 'The /Cloud/' transforms Martin's paintings with beautiful theory, but I'm unsure what this contributes to the debate on gender-inscription itself. I totally agree with her that 'art made by women needs no special pleading', however that art made by women is different to that made by men is another question.

Any other history of art, psychoanalysis or gender students on this site who'd be interested in helping me out?

# 7 [30 July 2009]

Always seem to post when I'm busy at work... good to have licquorice tea breaks to type I guess.

Have been working on some line drawings that I'll post up here at the weekend. Got my essay in - that's what's prevented me from writing on here for the past week. I'm now onto my final project on gender-inscription in Agnes Martin: will let you know how the research for that progresses over the next couple of months. It's been a busy time...

Went to one day of an Art History conference at York University on Friday - on 20th century Anglo-American exchange. Was pretty interesting, lots of debate and strong ideas, in-depth research. Spending so much time learning about artists, writers and collectors - like Gertrude Stein - and looking at photos of her collections, reminds me again of the desire to make things, to hang out more with likeminded artists, to write more, all those good things. Hope that over time that will become a reality.

# 8 [1 August 2009]

Some things I've made which are very small nothingy beginnings. 

# 9 [4 August 2009]

Trying to think of a focus for my visual art efforts this year. I think I'd like to fulfil my childhood/art student/current ambition to learn to draw - to be visually aware and literate... so I may use this blog over the next year to remind myself of this and to document my efforts... might be a bit embarrassing to begin with.

Drawing might be a way to keep in touch with being visual without it having to take up my whole life, as at the moment I'm way too busy with exams, essays, writing/interview assignments and actual paying rent work. I'm wondering if I could fit in 30 minutes a day of drawing, and whether that would lead to a noticeable improvement over the course of the year... that immediately raises questions in my mind about the function and value of drawing in the current art climate, but maybe that can wait for another post, another day.

I have at least two books on drawing at home: John Ruskin's step by step book from a long time ago and Betty Edwards' more recent Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I'll try and use those to educate myself/provide a structure and see where it leads.

Will post efforts soon!

# 10 [6 August 2009]

Thinking of drawing, I thought I'd post some drawings that I made from photographs I found on the internet... I did these in January and February of 2009 and though they are a decent start I feel they're pretty wooden, with just a few interesting marks or passages. That's not to knock them though, as if you're a beginner in something you have to begin at the beginning right?

The drawings were exhibited in a small show of women's art at the Reading International Solidarity Centre - a sort of activist centre and cafe. The subject, apart from my desire to improve my drawing skills, is a victorian-era American feminist journalist named Nellie Bly. I wasn't that happy with the final results but I was still quite proud of myself for actually having done something!

I'm going to begin some drawing experiments today and will post up the results soon. I might also spend some time thinking/writing about the drawings by other artists that I love.