ARTISTS TALKING

# 1 [15 July 2008]

I can honestly say that I feel all the hard work over the last few months was certainly not worth it.  I feel that I have let myself down. What part of me honestly thought that i would be happy with lame landscapes that were geared to the buying public. 

 What is even worse is did they buy.........? NO!

 I think its time to think again.

# 2 [17 July 2008]

I have recently (this Monday) felt that my time in the wilderness of non creativity was time wasted but at the same time it was time well spent.  

I will explain. 

As I have said before I am, or have been, an artist.  Nothing like the brave souls who go out there and do it, with no support or financial backing. NO.  I am a charlaton, a degree student - who gave up when the money and course run out and the lure of jobs and the 9-5 was too much to turn down. 

My years in the wilderness were spent building a career in TV production.  From the humble beginnings of a video tape library I worked my way up to the even more humble (or is it humiliating?) heights of internet TV sports producer. WOW!

 Now I have embarked on my new life - as an artist again.  Ok, i am still employed by internet TV and I am a whore to the money men, but at least i am trying!

My wife tells me i have to put a positive spin, she has had a glass of wine!

So, over the next few days I will attempt to tell the ups and downs of my (our) current exhibition. 

# 3 [24 July 2008]

Its the last weekend of my groups exhibition.  Its gone very well up to now and the feedback has been great.  We've sold everything and commisions are rolling in now.  On the back of the works up I have a one man show planned for the Royal Academy and.........yes by now you are realising this is all too good to be true.

 SHAME!

Its a sad truth that the opposite could be said about the exhibition.  OK the feedback has been good, I'd like more, but its been good.  The marketing went well, but the feet and £'s have not followed.  Now this was never about the selling, but it would have been nice to cover the costs.  I think that, as a first show, its gone well and at least it got me off my backside and back to the coalface of producing art.

Producing ART! - now thats a loaded couple of words. 

I have gone back to basics and I am now starting to buld up an idea of where I want to go.  Enjoyment for me is the key, as is expression and technique.  Now technique is a important factor here, as I feel that Picasso would not have been the artist he was if it had not been for his early years painting traditional oils on traditional subjects.  Its a starting place for style and expression to develope.

I am beginnig to grow 

Thats the most important thing for me at the moment. To grow in maturity and expression, within a chosen field or discipline.  Keep the techniques and feelings that I enjoy, ditch the others.  OK my landscapes are contrived, maybe dull and lack REAL expression or concept/ideas.  BUT, I enjoyed doing them (well, to a degree as they can be bloody hard to do - the more detailed you get) and they are what they are, landscapes of London, set to a loose theme painted in oils in a traditional circa 1800 way.

I want to move on

The next step is to take it all further, the lessons I have learned in painting in oils, the ideas that are now coming to me thick and fast and the feeling of wanting to express myself more than ever.

Now if that last paragraph is not a good advert to why you should enjoy, be involved and exhibit your work, then you have lost the reason for art surely!

# 4 [12 August 2008]

Week 3 in the Post Intersections Exhibition Vaughan house.  Helena is on the sofa. Neal is in the diary room.

The work of the artist is a constant tenitus in the mind.  The thoughts and dreams mix with regrets and nightmares.  I have enjoyed 'coming out' and experiencing producing artwork once more, but it maybe has not helped a low self esteem.  My feeling about wanting to paint is strong, my fears and hate based on my abilities unfortunately is stronger still.  I stopped 'searching' inside myself during my early twenties because I found it hard.  The drip drip of ideas and thoughts became a deafening noise that I just wanted to stop.  I shut off the ideas and my mind became a desert.

Now, my eyes are open again but things have changed.  When I was young I found myself less able to focus, more confused, but absence of constraints, the innocence of youth made it easier to make mistakes.  Now that carefree attitude has gone and also gone is the inspiration, the free thinking, but unfortunately the paranoia and hate still remains.

I want to answer everyone, be everything, I cannot an as such find it hard to justify myself, let alone my art.

My art is simplistic, boring, samey and I obviously know that.  The problem is how to move on.  I wanted to go back to basics but now I find myself scared of going forward.  

# 5 [26 November 2008]

It is a few months since I last wrote in my blog.  Its interesting that, I have had many ups and downs since that last post and I am now finishing a commision - yes a commision!  and embarking on work for 2 joint gallery spots next year, a public exhibition and a couple of other group exhibitions.  I am also currently updating my website after deciding I would like to write more.

The last couple of months have brought some sucess, with the commision and exceptance into two gallery exhibitions.  On the flip side I have been rejected for many more and feel fristrated by the lack of movement (on my part) in a positive direction in regards to new pieces.

Loads to sketching has taken place and I am putting ideas down on paper all the time, which is great.  But I do so want to get some feedback that is not just from people I know personally.  So I have recently started getting involved with the loacl art scene and meeting other artists, which has been great.  All are practicing art in different ways, either as proffessional artists, part-time adult education or full time teachers.  All seem to have a real drive in life, to do what they want and I admire them so much.  I WILL be taking that plunge soon I hope and I cannot hold it off for too long.  I am getting desperate, like a prisoner waiting to be released, i feel I must be free and soon.       

# 6 [28 November 2008]

UP THE REVOLUTION!

I am not one to turn down a freebie. So when my wife informed me that the Saatchi Galleries had invited us for a free guided tour, I was on the train before you could say 'the last time I had been there was to see Damian'. Packed with our email from the Saatchi's I went along hoping that maybe Nigella would be there, serving canapes to the guests, unfortunately this was not the case so I had to make do with to the new exhibition China The Revolution Continues.

The Exhibition

Stunning! Thats not a word I'd normally use for many contempary exhibitions, I often find the ideas themselves are the focus of attention and that art pratice ends up a poor second.  This is simply not the case with 'The Revolution Continues'  The attention to detail and use of materials seems to be a real driving force from Zhang Huan's whole body of work (he has quite a few varied pieces on display) to Sun Yuan and Peng Yu's brilliant 'Old Persons Home'

With most of these young artists you get a feeling of a real dedication to display and the visual arts.  Craft, skill and even beauty are words often lost in modern fine art pratice, especially in relation to contempary sculpture and instulation.  But here the refreshing use of skill (learnt under the old Chinese schools of social realisum) really makes this exhibition stand out.  The exhibits marry these sadly dying crafts with overt political statements and a sense of fun and humour, making this the most inviting display of modern art I have seen for many years.

The highlights are many and the exhibition itself is huge, taking up the entire Saatchi galleries maze of spaces.  I think you need go to the Saachi gallery for at least 3 hours to fully take it in, but visit the website to take a look. 

My fav would have to be 'Old Persons Home'  I felt that this breathtaking piece of work typified the whole exhibition.  Basically it consists of old men in wheelchairs.  Their dress alludes to World leaders in their dying days and as their chairs move around the room electronically they interact, bump into and dual with each other.  The sad old men, in the last moments of their lives still battling over their piece of ground.  The old men themselves are intricately made, life size models, hand crafted, painted and concived by the artists and team of staff.  Without gowing too deep into the piece (I don't want to bore you) I felt haunted and troubled by the way in which they follow you around the room, not touching you, crashing into each other in the process.  But it is seriously funny as well, ok you question why are you laughing, but you do and laughter here makes the whole piece even darker I feel.

I say you must go, if Nigella is there with her cup cakes then even better!

The Revolution Continues - UP THE REVOLUTION!

# 7 [2 June 2009]

I have not posted for a while.  In the time I have been quite on here I have been very active out there!  The last few months have flown by.  The main reason being I have been trying to work as much as possible on my art practice.  This has heaped huge rewards, if not financially then certainly spirtually.  I needed months of just doing, being, experimenting; all the things that are part of the artist thing.  My second bedroom is covered in paint, the carpet ruined, the curtains multicolored and the walls plastered with new work.  Francis Bacons famous studio has nothing on this! (ok, maybe his squalor was slightly more advanced than mine).

But what has come of these months of action?  well, lots.  LAst night I had 5 paintings in an exhibition at the RAC Club in London, I have 3 currently on display in another gallery and 3 more elsewhere.  All I am happy with and they all show a new maturity and assured hand.  I think it is amazing what a process of self reflection ad experimentation does to you.  I now believe that this has to be done as mucg as possible, so we can break out of the chrysalis we wrap yourselfs in and become the butterflies we all crave to be once in a while. 

# 8 [15 June 2009]

Once again I have had a refreshing and liberating day out at the Saatchi.  Twice now the Saatchi has questioned my own pesimistic view of contempary art with 'The Revolution Continues' and now with 'Abstract America'  Both have benifited from a great gallery space and the galleries thoughtfull positioning of exhibits.  I wondered through rooms that shouted color, texture, form and movement.  American media is brash, masculain and self assured and so is this show.

Early on in the exhibition Kristen Bakers acrylics on PVC jump out at you and assult the senses as soon as you enter the room. Her passionate and violent use of color and texture covvay movement and the act of capturing a moment.  Most of the works put a mirror up to the male dominated world of car racing and do so with vast planes of color, that dart across the picture.  OK, I'm not entirely sure what was the resoning behind 'The Raft of Perseus' and its obvious references to Greek Mythonogy and Gericault's 'Raft of the Medusa'  but do I care?  It is, for me, a well constructed, textural and exciting work.  It gives instant references to the past, but pulls you into the future and the American love of speed, excitment and the now, like a kid watching its first motor boat race.

I personally think sculpture, especially contempary abstract sculpture, needs the viewer to interact as mush as possible.  Be it either with your mind or body, you need that 1 to 1 experience with solid form in front of you.  Aaron Young's work does this and more.  Once again I am a kid, exploring, but this time I am questioning as well.  Once again the programme notes let me down (as they shockingly did with the missed references to Gericault's raft in Bakers work) and I feel myself questioning what Young is trying to convay.  I suppose I should not need this guidence and I actually do end up coming away better for it.  I INVOLVE my self in the work on a personal level, engaging with the tricks that Young encourages.  I would tell you more, but it would spoil it!  Youngs sculpures are just that, static pieces, but its the movement around them and the interactivity that is exciting.  They pull the viewer in and show them another world.

Thses two rooms jumped out for me and I could talk more about other artists and pieces including the mad, clothes mountains and scary bandaged figures of judgement, but that would ruin the shock and awe.  America maybe kown for its exesses, but this time it is a pleasure to look and try to undrstand a nation of millions that simply won't be held back.  This exhibition often reminded me of a Vegas night time in all its neon, trashy, horrible, brillience.  The only difference is I WANTED to be here, it wasn't business it was pleasure.  I enjoyed the ride and felt lifted by its confidence.  Please go and see and don't forget..have a nice day!      

# 9 [16 June 2009]

I encountered rejection yesterday. 

I find rejection hard to take, but find it even harder convincing myself why I find it hard! 

Some artists (on rejection) bemoan the lack of support for their vision. The problem must be with the gallery or exhibition, 'the panel just don't understand'.  Some, more pragmatically, mention how tough it is to get your work noticed and there is so much good work rejected by accident. 'Its all about getting your work out there' they say.  Others, more cinically, (and I like this theory) mention that rejection rates go up the nearer the pannel get to lunch or dinner, their empty tummies and bored eyes making hasty judgements.   

Apon entering, and being rejected at, the Chelsea Art Society Annual painting and sculpture exhibition, I believe that none of the above apply to me.  My theory is that I have been rejected for a reason. The work was not good enough I tell myself.  My lack of confidence in my own work is justified.  I have been vindicated by my piers, judged and tossed aside as I should be. 

Yes, this is a self indulgent reply and is simply not the way to think about rejection, but it is the way I deal with it.  I will sulk for a few days but will soon get out of it and will pick myself up and take my poor excuse for art to the Mall galleries and go through the whole prosess again.

By the way, there is a happy ending to this tale of woe and self pity. My wife has been acepted!  That is great news for such a hard working person and well deserved.....BITCH!  

# 10 [17 November 2009]

I have recently started painting outside and why did I not before? Painting Plein Air (in the open air in French) has been and is still a revelation. It has made me think more aboiut what I am doing, made me more confident and opened my eyes to color.

The two paintings I am most proud of were recently painted in my local park. Both were entirely executed outside (OK, maybe a 30min 'tidy up' was needed on the lower of the two!) and took very limited time and resources. That is the beauty of it, painting in the open, it seems to install a time limit on you that makes you paint freer. Painting small is the key, certainly at the start. The paintings above are small 7x5in canvas boards and are so small compared to my normal 1.25 x .75 meter canvas I paint. I try to allocate about 1-1 1/2 hours on the painting and try not to fiddle when I get home.

I also recently went on a loan painting trip to Wales and painted 2 paintings on site.  Each took about 2 hours to paint on location, mainly because of the age old Welsh problem of 'rain stopped play!' There was some work needed back home - but I had the colors down so it was just the case of finishing off where bad weather had finally got the best of me. This was the first painting holiday I had been on, ever! I loved every moment of it. It was not an organised trip, just me, with only myself to blame if I got lost, which I did, several times!