ARTISTS TALKING

# 11 [22 May 2009]

Although there's the performance looming, and yes its existed in an entirely different order everyday this week, I have decided to share with you something else. 

I received two letters today- I posted them to myself from Sandon back to Hertford. Last week I did the reverse and opened two more letters in Sandon. They are not letters however but drawings, mark making if you like.

I think I mentioned this method a few weeks ago, well the exchange is up and running. The idea came out of the journeys I make between my studio in the village which was my ‘home’ and ‘home’ and then what was my ‘old home’ to what is now my ‘home’. And that both addresses are still associated with me. You never manage, however hard you try to stop some of your mail still going to your parents… unless they move I guess.

It comes from feeling very distant from somewhere at times yet in terms of location and physicality it being quite close. Then there’s the ridiculousness of posting this letter to myself when really I could drive it between the places, I often do this, explore the insane, the unordinary and awkward, the very reason for doing something purely because normally you wouldn’t.

It also attempts to celebrate the use of the post box, the royal mail, and the nostalgia of receiving a letter. Further more and initially it also came out of this idea of remembering and those addresses and telephones number that almost become embedded in your memory and what it would feel like to suddenly forget them and the resulting anxiety then in ensuring this doesn’t happen. In particular I have been focusing on my parents address and phone number, which were also my own growing up and between the age of 8 and 19.

These ‘accidental drawings’ are created by the marks made during the process of the letters traveling from one location to the next, and therefore also attempt to visual the journey between one ‘home’ and another.  

# 10 [17 May 2009]

After a full on weekend with Ben, I spend the week focusing on a solo performance I have in a weeks time at The Junction in Cambridge. I have proposed a piece called, 'Everybody standing around sniffing the platform at Hertford East where it always smells of urine'. This performance has been developed from its first presentation during a residency last summer at Courtyard art centre, its about the recession, still, and the universal smell of urine- global issues. 

I say I have been focussing on it this week, but actually found myself strangely avoiding it and coming up with new ideas. I was even for a moment there thinking of presenting the current rural work within this performance. I always do that, try and get everything that Im working on into one performance, it kind of dilutes it though and I'm left thinking, okay I've presented that now, what do I make work about now? so, luckely and after a good conversation with Jenny, I have decided to preserve the stuff I have only just started working with, for presentation in a year and stick to the original ethos of this performance. It was afterall all there, it didn't require new ideas or any extras, I had just forgotten it and forgotten what it was about. 

I have spent today revisiting it and refreshing it, bringing up to date and adjusting it in accordance to the space I have been given- a small office space.

I'm happy about this and excited at the prospect of using and re-arranging the genuine contents.

# 9 [17 May 2009]

Further images from the first part of our weekend at artsadmin- exploration of materials and instructions. Setting tasks for each other and recording, filming or collaborating with each other on the outcome/response.

# 8 [17 May 2009]

Well, another packed week- I'm multi tasking and simultaniously collaborating, all good, my heads rather full though, but rather it was full with this than anything else. 

Last weekend I met to work with ben, as ben and Holly- the first time for two years. There's was a lot of aprehension and I struggled to talk first thing, It felt very precious for a while there, but we had a productive two days together. We are working specifically on a commissioned work for EEC platform at Queen Mary university on the 5th June. They have asked 10 artist from the past 10 years to return to the festival and present work. We are planning a performance that reworks two elements from our past work. We ended the weekend with three elements though, the live video link sitting opposite each other but not really opposite/virtually opposite, used in table for two in Edinburgh, past objects, DIY objects and stuff purchased together over the past 6 years and our journal from the Edinburgh fringe. 

Meeting up again felt very good, it also felt very exhausting, we have a history, and a lot of evidence of this history. Lots of memorys and stories filled the weekend, but fundamentally we still had a conection, a shared interest in materials and human relationships, and a desire to continue to expose our own relationship to visualise this.

What came from the weekend was an understanding not felt previously and a sense of calm. Having both collaborated with a number of other artists seperately over the past 2 years has allowed us to see that feelings/frustrations etc... are not always specific to us as individuals- not personal, more of the experiences anyone goes through, more attached to the act of collaborating and making work rather than who it is with.

We also left the weekend with ideas, several in fact, one in particular is to re-visit and re-stage past work/ past images/photographs. We agreed on two a year.  

Here is some documentation form the weekend. 

# 7 [5 May 2009]

We have met and it went well- what we found in Sandon WAS interesting. I am now working in the village hall, it’s a new base for me and I’m collecting video footage, connecting with local businesses (Saddle menders and model aeroplane makers) and working with postage drawings (posting envelopes with chalks back to Sandon from Hertford and from Hertford to Sandon). I hope to then develop these 'accidental' drawings into performative actions/ movements. The day with Richard has allowed me to see how important I value drawing and how it has made up a large part on my practice. It has also given me much confidence in my ability to make/create/explore site and materials. Having Richard there also allowed me to see the village I was so familiar with objectively. I have now given myself permission to use it and can see how to use it. 

During the day we also explored my own stories and verbally, creating a kind of video interview if you like. Initially I thought I would find this difficult but actually I can easier than I expected. Another possibility would be to develop these into a monologue of sorts.

So, in short the ideas that have came out of this day are

1. Video interview/documentary/relaying stories about Sandon-the village and the activity in it- from memories and from knowledge of how it is now.

2. Drawing work- postage drawings.

3. Sculptural work- crap semi mechanistic sculptures that would work easier if there were two people but that have been adjusted so that they work with one person. 

4. Telephone box (more later) and guerrilla performances.

5. Posters containing rules found around the village (My Mums posters, she always uses that font). 

6.  Event late summer for villagers sharing my practice.

# 6 [28 April 2009]

I have started to see again and since the retreat I meet Richard again to discuss my needs- I need to stop applying to opportunities and focus on the making, making solo work. But what is my solo work and how I do I make?

We meet in Hertford this time- I'm on home territory and it feels good. We walk to my local pub and both avoid alcohol- we knew we had to sort this out once and for all- he knew he had to sort me out once and for all. Before this meeting I have got into creating 'agenda's' for mentoring sessions and any other associated meetings. I have found the format really useful and a productive way to get all the information across and identify needs. They usually start with 'news' then a mentoring agenda with notes, reminders and AOB. Richard had received this copy prior to our meeting.

It was a pleasant evening, I was relaxed and found myself talking about my family, my up bringing, my parents and the village I lived in which is now where my studio is. Without knowing, this conversation had become interesting, filled with content, stories, a fondness and unease towards the information I was sharing. I had not spoke to Richard about my family before- he found it interesting, being out of London helped, I started to realise this was a big part of me that has been hidden up till now. It soon became clear that there was something in this to be explored.

Richard Suggests another meeting- I suggest a workshop, Im fed up with talking about it, I need to start, to make, to 'feel' it to get physical, I want it to start so that I can continue, get going, be in it, find it again, I wanted that more than anything right now. He agreed- we set a date it would be in a week- we would meet in Sandon Village hall- I knew it well from my childhood and teenage years, it was a big part of my up bringing, my family, my mother and continues to be. We would start by playing with some materials.

I was looking forward to it. 

Good news- I have written an artist statement-  This has given me much confidence. I thought it would never come.

# 5 [28 April 2009]

Continued...

Back at the retreat- shared concerns and needs for the region were shared- we identified what we had and where we wanted to go and what we needed to get there.  Confidence was a shared issue and in a bid to raise this Helen and Leslie created an exercise in which we fed single adjectives to each other as responses to how we perceived each others work, practice. I thought I would share with you the words fed back to me: Conceptual, energetic, has integrity, honest, ghosted by Ben, weird, quirky, thoughtful, more solo work please, confident, humorous and fun, genuine. 

I left feeling uplifted, with a sense of belonging, exposed, but in a good way, wiser,  driven, normal and excited. The 12 participants created a syncronized swim on the Sunday for Ants birthday--we might do more.  

# 4 [28 April 2009]

Not sure where the last month has gone and feel adement to use this more regularly now. I have been going through a transition, one which is exciting. For the last 4 months I have been floating- feeling excited about my Escalator status but also filled with and uncontrollable anxiety regarding my use of it. I was finding it hard, have found it hard, the panic and pressure has taken over and I have felt too concerned to do something 'good' for the people who have supported me to receive this. However I have worked a lot out. The turn around I think has been my mentoring sessions with Richard layzell and specifically a rural retreat I attnded organised by Anthony Roberts for artists in the East to re-group-group- discuss practice, share practice and work with artist Leslie Hill and Helen Paris. It was great to be back around like minded people, from my region, all who face the same problems and anxietys as me. Some too also benefiting from funding. The first night we were asked to create a Pecha Kucha Powerpoint, 20slides, 6 minuets. I had not created one of these before but found the task really useful. It hepled me understand much about mysefl, my work and how I operate as an artist. i identified a lack of content in my talk- the presentation filled with opportunitites I had been involved and presented the breadth of work I had made both collaboratively and solo but it lacked current content, current ideas and a current investigation- what am I making work about? What am I creating now? What are my ideas? This worried me but I knew it was this that I needed to start to spend time doing. I needed to foucus on the work- my work as just Holly- re discover my working practices and create some new work. It was a revelation but alos seemed daunting- again I was putting myself under pressure- I knew I had to do this but what were my ideas? and how would I start?.

The weekend continued- I left briefly Saturday to perform with jenny as Hunt & Darton in Peckham for Mark McGowens Village idiot affair- A street performance. We did our performance on Peckham high street. I just went there, did it and returned to the retreat, just like that! I enjoyed performing in the public realm, hardly anyone was bothered. Using the loudspeaker outside changed the use of the loudspeaker massively. 

# 3 [5 March 2009]

Where's the week gone? I have experienced Shunt for the first time- I have been asked to perform at an event there next week and had a pre tour. Its funny to receive work as a performer now- I'm gong to be a twin and I get styled.

I have been considering time a lot this week with the need to slow down and not forget about time. Time being a positive thing, time is good, its essential, there's no hurry.  I have been settling into my new studio space, one half of a barn on a farm in the village I grew up in. It feels funny to return there for the purpose of studio time. I am on a small arable farm with a metal fabricator and a carpenter opposite. Organising and archiving work took up most of my day- it felt good to have the time and space to reflect back on works made in the past 8 years and materials and writing and other paraphernalia that surround my practice to date.  

# 2 [2 March 2009]

So now I find myself within a new collaboration with Jenny, now called 'Hunt & Darton', with a performance that’s been through the mill, and is know finally finished. I'm still very much attached to Ben and reminisce our work often. I am in the process of archiving Ben and Holly 2002-2009. And I'm Holly, I'm me and I'm finding out a little more about what that means in terms of these two collaborations, the future, my current residence in Hertford, and the move to a new studio located on a farm in the village I lived as a child?  

I have recently written my aspirations for this Escalator year and thought I should share them at this point- that way you can all hold me to them.

ESCALATOR ASPIRATIONS AS OF February 2009

To be able to write more fluidly about my practice- OWN IT.

 Give the visual art work space AND utilise the visual art work (Sculpture, drawing, painting, photography and video) more- find links to allow it to support and/or become part of performance work.

Carryout a residency in Colchester July 2009- Camping in Colchester, retreat- a chance to combine visual art work with performance in a space away from arts centre venue- for example an alternative space such as the church or an empty shop etc…

Meet key people in the region- HAMMER THE REGION.

Simon at Norwich art centre

Metal- Southend

Focal point gallery- Southend

Digswell art trust- Hertfordshire

Wysing art centre-             Basingbourne

Kettles yard- Cambridge

Hertfordshire University Gallery spaces.

To PLACE my work both theoretically and physically.

To identify specific theory to read.

To find FORMULAS and FORMATS to support a personal identity, specifically when applying for future festivals-both UK and beyond, residencies and shows AND/OR to support the day to day ability to developed performative activity i.e. to develop methods for developing movement and vocal work.

To investigate AESTHETIC- find a voice.

To archive my work to date including work as Holly, work as Ben and Holly and work as Hunt and Darton- GET IT OUT AND REFLECT.