ARTISTS TALKING

# 38 [28 September 2009]

I have decided it is time for a new blog. The summer in a certain way has felt endless and I haven’t seemed to be able to find the enthusiasm to keep this blog updated. I have seen it all trail off, my head just refusing to really focus on my activities of late with their strange obscurity. I’m wondering if there has been some particularly high electrical charge in the air or our local water has been polluted by some mood altering drug. Many encounters with family, friends and peers lately has felt obscure, challenging and just slightly off centre.

Maybe it’s just the strange positions I have found myself in recently…somewhere in the middle, caught between two places, adrift in the firing lines. Open studios personally was a miserable affair and a complete belly flop. The collaboration space transformed in to an ugly monster for many to flex their muscles in and try their hardest to provoke and offend. In some ways it was interesting I guess. It challenged each one of us, some rejecting the project before it had begun, others dominating the space completely, others getting possessive about the work and the space. Everyones values were being challenged. The ability to accept what others had done seemed in many instances completely impossible. It turned more into something like a social experiment and from what I can see we basically are useless at communicating and understanding each other adequately. It felt like the only thing everyone was good at was being really selfish. Is that what artists essentially are or essentially need to be? Maybe it’s just representative of what we all need to be to some extent.

Anyway, thankfully it’s over and I can get back to concentrating on ME! (opps!)

With eyes on the horizon, I enrolled at Wimbledon last Thursday and start this Thursday and Friday. Next Tuesday it’s off to Bath to set up for Domesticated. I will make a start on my new blog when I have something new and exciting to write about. (or more likely when I can work out what to call it)

# 37 [23 August 2009]

The week has been really busy. The exhibition came down on Wednesday and as always only took half a day to do. What a complete contrast to the 3 day stint getting it up and again that peculiar taking down feeling in my belly. So the work is all now back home, sitting still in it’s packaging in my studio. Nicola Kearey has reviewed the show on Interface, http://www.a-n.co.uk/interface/reviews/single/557177 - read her response to the show. Thanks Nicola and sorry to hear you had a problem with the opening times.

I have since been sorting out for the next thing. I had an email about 3 months ago now from an artist asking if I would like to be involved in a group exhibition in Bath called Domesticated. It has been emails and a phone call and now I am travelling across to Bath next week to see the space, a place called Walcot Chapel. From the photos it looks like a wonderful venue and I’m really excited about paying it a visit. The artist who is organising it, Callum will be meeting me there on Thursday, so I’m hoping this all goes well. He is hoping to have it as a 2 part show, 2 weeks in Bath and again at the beginning of next year in Swindon. 

I am planning to use one of my pieces from the solo, but re-work it especially for the space. It will be free standing. This has been an interesting development, departing from the white wall. I thought it a bit of a challenge with my work at the moment but the more I work on the idea the more enthused I am becoming about the change. It is really forcing me to reconsider a new way of presenting my work and getting me to approach it from a new angle.

I’ve also started updating me website with the images from Drawn on, Drawn in. If you fancy a look please do visit me at www.christinabryant.co.uk 

With all this I haven’t even got to do any work on the Open Studios collaboration. Each time I’ve stepped into the studios I’ve seen some new interesting developments but am yet to contribute and respond myself. I really need to make some time for this soon.  

# 36 [17 August 2009]

Not sure I should necessarily be posting posts like the last one. (clearly not, Andrew has since advised me to remove a section from it) It can be quite difficult to gauge how much is appropriate to say on a blog. I do acknowledge that Digswell Arts Trust does provide much needed affordable studio space in an area where it is so few and far between. Without my space I know things would have been so much harder after graduation. I don’t want to seem ungrateful; it’s just very frustrating when you feel something with such potential isn’t anywhere near reaching it and you can do nothing really to influence that. 

Anyway moving on. Last Saturday was the last day of the Margaret Harvey exhibition and there was a closing view in the afternoon. It was a great chance to be around to chat to people about the exhibition. I had expected it to be just a few of my friends that hadn’t managed to make the opening, but I was delighted to meet some people that had visited the exhibition during the 2 weeks and had made the effort to come back to meet me and chat about the work. One man came along who specialises in this particular area of visual science and perspective and its history. It was quite fascinating to discuss it with someone with such a specific knowledge, from such a scientific angle. The contrast in our approaches to this subject was really interesting. Him asking me ‘had I heard of this rule and that person and did I know the scientific name for what it was that I am actually doing?’ My answers were mostly ‘no’ and I admit I felt quite uninformed and pretty stupid, yet my work really excited him. There was me coming from a conceptual angle, relying on my own general cultural knowledge and very self directed exploration. My work definitely seemed to speak to him from a completely different place from which I knew very little about. Mmm feel there is lots of extra reading I need to do.

# 35 [14 August 2009]

I had expected to be concentrating now on doing the last push of over time before the ma. However, I find that there are lots to do. We are having an open studios exhibition at Digswell on the 12^th and 13^th September, keeping it short and sweet. Wednesday night we got together for a meeting to discuss the organising of it and ideas for the opening to be held on Friday 11^th September.

Digswell Arts Trust is an organisation that celebrates its origins, looks back to the good old days of the radical 60’s through those rose tinted glasses. It has had some excellent artists through it’s doors more recently as well but those seem not to be acknowledged widely or just quietly shelved maybe until their names might be more recognisable to the mainstream. Who knows?

What we know for sure now is that we, the artists are definitely not the things that the Trust is primarily about. The Trust is about the past.

Last year we attempted to apply ourselves to developing the future of the Trust, we tried to contribute our efforts and be proactive and recognise our responsibility to the Trust and it’s survival. A year down the line however, we are left despondent and disillusioned with regards to our efforts. (On Andrews advice-large chunk removed due to confidentiality issues) Opps! 

This is why the talk last year of developing the Digswell Arts Trust stopped from the side of the artists and from my blog. I have not been to a Trustee meeting since. I really can’t see the point.

So as you can probably imagine, getting back on this Open Studios ride and readdressing our identity as Digswell Artists again, is one I thought we would be reluctant to do.  

However, it was a good meeting, most people turned up and after a time of throwing different ideas into the mix we found ourselves in agreement that we would again use it as an opportunity to try out new things, work together and show our worth as artists. I could feel that there was a real desire to not just fall away from each other. We can’t change the Trust as we have discovered, but we still are a group of artists. continued...

# 34 [14 August 2009]

...continued

Therefore we have decided that a big part of this Open Studios will be collaboration. We are going to work collectively in a designated part of the studio over the three weeks, adding when and how we want to, creating interventions and responses to the space and each others contributions. The space will evolve and our actions will be documented along the way. Although it was not mentioned in the meeting I feel myself that this is our own way of trying to respond to and address the position we find ourselves in after last year. I really don’t know what will happen in the space, but from Monday the project begins.

# 33 [6 August 2009]

I really enjoyed doing the performance last week. After the madness of setting up, the worry and the sleepless nights it was a great relief from the hard work. I felt I just slipped into the zone and relaxed into the flow. People buzzed around me with glasses of wine, most faces were familiar and friendly. People weren’t afraid to play around with the piece so it was a lively drawing session. I received many compliments and there seemed to be real intrigue in the pieces, but I find it so hard to comment on people’s reception of the work. No one looked bored or uninterested that I saw, so I recon that’s a positive.

St Albans Review did a preview feature on the exhibition last week which my aunty had cut out and bought to the launch for me to take home. It felt strangely comforting, clutching this little newspaper clipping (proof of the show in someone else’s words) as I was slumped in the passenger seat as Q drove me home. Home for egg and chips and ‘Mock the Week’ Just what I needed!

In this new space the work looks new and fresh to me. It feels like I’m looking down on myself a bit, I have a strange feeling of detachment from the whole scene. In this public space the work appears to have ditched me and branched out alone. Even in the performance I felt like part of me was floating off somewhere else (although maybe that is just down to the long periods without sleep!)

So for now I’m just paying frequent visits to the gallery, spending my days chatting to the invigilators and the occasional visitor and processing the whole experience.     

# 32 [30 July 2009]

Finished putting up yesterday at about 6pm. The whole experience of hanging and organising the work was rather a rollercoaster of emotions. The 3 days seemed like one long blur of frantic drawing, climbing up and down ladders, a bit of um-ing and ah-ing and a very large amount of going home and thinking well into the night about those little niggling worries. But on finishing yesterday a huge wave of relief came over me… I felt happy with it. Of course there are still little things I wish I had more time on and some things I might have done slightly differently. As always this new space teaches me new things and really questions each of the choices I have made. It emphasises to me more the importance of growing more experienced in showing your work and moving it in to unfamiliar spaces. It really helps it to take on new faces, quite often ones that are even strange and new to me.   

So performing tonight. I’m quite calm, just keen to enjoy it and hoping those who come do too.

# 31 [26 July 2009]

Have I ‘found my practice’? I thought maybe Andrew might have gone mad or emailed the wrong person when he sent me this question. I didn’t really know I was supposed to be looking for it. This particular worry, I have obviously forgotten to worry about, what with all the other things to worry about (until he asked it and now I’m racking my brains as to where and when I might have last seen it!). Shit! Has anyone seen my practice?!!

I was always in the mind set of just ‘keeping it going’ and making things meet somehow, seeing through another year and having a little personal whoop-whoop moment now and again to myself for not throwing in the towel. I’m paddling frantically under here (is this not what we are all doing?) trying to keep the waters in motion.

I think I am probably quite an irresponsible artist in regards to maintaining a practice that is realistic and sustainable. I seem to shy away from the issues of finding funding and applying for grants or anything else that requires me to fit particular criteria. I cling to my part time job because it asks nothing of me as an artist and allows me a clear distinction between when I earn and when I create. This often does make me question if I even have a practice. The money I may earn from my own artwork is usually just a lucky one off and considered a bonus. I know this is not the way to move ‘my practice’ forward for the long term but it helps me, for now work on what I consider ‘my true practice’ (the one that exists to learn rather than earn). The most important thing to me now is creating space, time and freedom to be able to work with as little compromise as possible. I do work very hard trying to ‘get it out there’ and get people interested in my ideas but ultimately my work is not to fulfil anyone else’s expectation. If I focused on what I ‘should’ be doing I fear the results would only be contrived and empty. I guess a lot of it comes down to intuition and allowing yourself space to listen to it. For now I maintain this view but who knows how this may change in the future. I feel like the only way for me to make it work is keep an open mind and be prepared to adapt, yet stay confident and focused on what feels right to me.

 continued on previous post...

# 30 [26 July 2009]

 continued.....

In terms of how to see myself moving closer to a more sustainable practice, financially, I want to learn more about how to balance it. I find so far looking to other artists that I really admire (not just at their work but how they conduct themselves) gives me some guidance. The a-n blogs have really helped me gain access to what others are doing at ground level. I also often look at other artists C.V and get a feel for what decisions they have made to get where they are.

Mainly I am concentrating on just trying to get on with it, in the way I know how- a little bit of feeling my way in the dark, a little bit trying to pick things up as I go, and a little bit of what feels right. I don’t know if this is an answer to Andrew’s question but it’s the best I can do at this stage. I don’t think I have found my practice for the long term, I’ve just found how it works best for me for now.     

# 29 [25 July 2009]

Work has been packed up and transported away from the nice cosy studio space that it knows so well and left to grow more accustomed to it’s new home ‘the gallery’. I went along for the first trip over to help unload at the other end and have a nose at the gallery now it’s been set up in position ready for me to install. My initial thought as soon as I walked in….. ‘Shit, this space is big!’ I’ve seen it many times before, but never empty… wow the shock of emptiness!

There was my little pile of bits and pieces whimpering discreetly in the corner, looking at me with pleading (take me home) eyes, almost shrinking and cowering at these huge bare white walls. I wanted to give it a bloody good shake and demand that it ‘grow some balls and stop being so pathetic!’ On Monday we are going to have to take on this space and take charge. So it’s got a few days to settle.

Settling seems to be something I myself am struggling with. Friday was a gap in my schedule and a day to just potter, get a few last bits and relax. I might of felt the benefits if I could just get a proper night sleep. I can’t switch off and am annoying myself as I toss and turn and huff and puff into the early hours. I don’t even feel particularly nervous or worried, just excited. But the more nights that pass without a decent rest the more hysterical I am liable to get…someone give me a bloody good shake and tell me to grow some balls!

Well, tonight is a new night so fingers crossed for the sleep fairy to bring me a nice present.