ARTISTS TALKING

# 30 [24 January 2010]

Week 1 - Part 1

A great lesson in letting go of expectations this week. I spent a lot of last week preparing myself on many levels for this weeks installing in Bristol. I worked on visualising how it would go – I would arrive at the museum with everything in place and ready to start hanging with my team. We would have a swift, trouble –free, joyful time, with everything falling into place effortlessly…

 

When I did arrive on Monday I was told that, due to a major defect on the councils ordering system, the main frame from which 900 of my objects will hang had not actually been ordered and a key member of the museum installing team was off sick. I did almost burst into tears, I had such an expectation and adrenalin ready to go, it felt like a punch in the stomach. I had had to juggle so many things to be away for all this time, with two children and Leo working full time. The frame won’t get there till Thursday, which put me, four days behind in my head.

 

 Then I reminded myself that I do believe in a broader way that the universe has its own timing which is, overall, much more effective –if less comprehensible initially – than I as an individual can control or manage. And what ensued was some invaluable time considering and focusing on detailed aspects of the installing that I had not been able to allow for. I have had this projects layout either in my head, on paper or literally all over my studio floor (see previous blogs for photos of mapping work over xmas) for such a long time and yet the gap between this and the actual hanging of the 900 pieces still contains unknowns. With the gifts 1-99, I had suspended them in my studio and know how they work in three dimensions.

 

But the larger piece is a different creature. David Singleton, one of the main conservation people took Julia and I up to his office on Monday morning to take a look at experiments he had been doing with different weights of fishing line and weights on smaller objects, as issues around coiling wire, safety and visibility etc were coming up. Thank god he had done these, as well as knotting tests to see how the type of knot affected the slippage of a given object. From these we decided to go with a lighter weight wire than I had planned as well as a different knot and a decision to do some hanging tests with objects to establish which is the optimum wire to use as well as how the air conditioning and door opening will affect the movement of objects. Boring but essential, so thank you council, for screwing up to allow us time to do valuable, if tedious preparation.

 

# 29 [10 January 2010]

Last tuesday, Nathan and David came from the Museum to collect my work ....at last! It felt momentous..then, the next day, the snow came, and everything stopped.

For a few hours. Then came a snowstorm of emails, requests for opinions and feedback on the Exhibition, Catalogue, the gallery texts, the posters design, the labelling...so many choices to make so quickly, which i like as i don't work well with too much time to deliberate, after such a long run on this project, the choices seem straightforward. somehow. Have also been editing my own Gift List , 1-99, which will appear on the floor and it begins to read like a strange poem –come-shopping list. They need to order the vinyls for the floor for that one so have Monday as a deadline. As fro the 100-999 text labels for the other objects, I still have some editing to do before they can begin formatting that and getting it ordered to print. I am trying to get as much done as I can late at  night when the children are asleep, after a day’s sledging…

 

 We are meeting on tuesday re catalogue design, David Hyde the designer has already come up with some beautiful cover design options and seems to be working very intuitively and sensitively which I appreciate. It’s exciting for me and a new experience as no-one has ever published anything on my work as yet, bar an article in Textile Journal which hasn’t yet come out and which I put together mainly myself, with some direction from Janis Jefferies. She has also written an essay for this show on my work, which i think is excellent and provides insightful perspectives and threads of meaning on my work and its context which I have learnt a lot from. It all feels like being at a water fountain and really delighting in it’s fresh cool taste..

 

In the meantime, I have been editing several thousand metre of poetry scrolls from my installation project for South Bank Centre last year called The Bibliomancer’s Dream, which I worked on with Willow and which is happening again this year, alongside  an additional installation at QEH. During the Imagine Festival. Crazily, both shows open on February 5^th! I am not going to complain, but I do wish I had  access to temporary cloning pinned down. I am travelling to Bristol on 18 jan to start installing, and planning to finish by feb 2^nd at the latest (I will blog about the process) as am due to be installing at Southbank on feb 3 and 4^th. Then back up to Bristol on 5^th….. 

# 28 [31 December 2009]

I finally finished the floor design , mapping and packing up of all 900 gifts last night at midnight...it took a lot longer and a lot more excruciating patience than i had planned for... i am too exhausted to write anything coherent but wanted to post up these images from my phone as i liked the pattern the number made on the floor...and it gives a sense of the scale of the final main piece..

now for a couple of days revelling the  resting before the final push to make everything ready for the 5th, when the work gets collected from my studio.

happy new year etc

 

# 27 [26 December 2009]

 

It’s been an extraordinary month in terms of physical work in the studio on the gifts. I now have all 999 objects, and some of the most moving came in the final few weeks …I made a decision a while ago not to disclose much about the objects submitted in any detail ,as it feels like the gallery space will be the legitimate place for proper disclosure, but the poetic and moving nature of some of the final items make it hard for me to do this…so I may post up something soon with a few pointers as to the emotional scope of some of the items given.

 

The objects are now all laid out on a paper grid on the studio floor. (see image)  The museum apprentices, Rosie and Casey, have been logging all the cards and we have been trying to locate stray numbers with displaced objects for the last few weeks. I became totally obsessed with getting the database of objects to numbers accurate, it felt like an injustice to mismatch anything as inevitable a few things had lost labels etc. But this has eaten up a lot of time and I will be spending most of this week finalising the design on the floor grid done by raphaell, then turning the grid into a map for the installing process, with outlines on objects and their numbers and position marked out carefully. Then into 50 bags, one for each line , ready for collection on January 5^th when they go into a special museum deep -freeze in Birmingham for a week,  to kill off any bugs and make them eligible for exhibition.

 

It feels like a lot of this whole year has been taken up with not just the physical but the emotional processes surrounding this project,.others and my own. I first had the seed idea for this 7 years ago. Today is the 5^th anniversary of the death of my mother  in the Asian tsunami and it’s the only day in a long time when I have felt completely unable to tap into the creative power of what came from living through that experience and ride its energy. I realise that it’s the art  have made from it that has kept me in balance. Today I decided to just lie low –no big rituals or hosting like I have done in the past to mark the event. And yet I feel totally vulnerable and unable to function, very much ‘in my child’ (and unwilling to mother my own children today with any degree of effectiveness..). I guess this blog entry is the most creative thing I will do today (I wrote from my bed) and that, in fact, it’s important to fall apart occasionally, with no idea of how to manage or channel what is arising. To feel the deep sadness, the intense flashes of grief and anger, then let go as much as is possible until calm seas return.

 

 

# 26 [8 December 2009]

 

Thoughts arising …

..that came out of the launch evening of the shape of things last month and I have been so busy making that I haven’t had the chance to write them down since.

A question asked at the launch by Raimi Gdamosi, which I am grateful for as it brought up a lot for me  …something like- ‘in the face of the diverse practices of the artists on the panel (ie the 8 Shape..artists), are Non-European makers always going to be determined by their ostensible Otherness?’

 

 I have a discomfort around the focus on Otherness. I fear it can be limiting in its  entrenchment in a definition of Self within a particular cultural terrain. I understand that it has been and continues to be useful, essential even, in the face of erasure, where there is a question of survival of one’s culture in the balance through migration, displacement etc. But I don’t come from that kind of background, I only experienced the Iranian Revolution second-hand, through the lives of our relatives who fled and came to live with us as I was growing up in suburban Tunbridge Wells.. When I visited Iran in 1992 and 1998 I was warmly welcomed like a guest, a novelty, the beloved daughter of my now legendary mother. 

 

When I state I am a British –Iranian artist, I am acknowledging my sources, not underlining my otherness.

 

Otherness…in contrast to what ? to what has been a white mainstream, but is no longer, because it is all being beautifully mixed up…???.I am second generation, hybrid, mongrel….. so not Iranian enough to be an Iranian artist and invited to that party, but somewhere in between, enjoying the new colours I can weave on a collective cloth that is so interwoven with ‘other’ influences it is impossible to see where one thread finishes and another begins. And so, the emphasis on otherness, on separateness, is for me not always a concern. Finding the universal through the personal is what I am seeking. Despite this I am aware that I use an approach in my work that draws very closely on my Iranian heritage – the metaphor of textile and its aesthetic, the desire to mourn and self-disclose on a mass scale and connect with masses of people I may never meet (a tradition maintained these days by Iranian bloggers, who have the added element of risk and survival to contend with). The use of poetic language, of communal rituals that are intended to create connection and self-reflection…

 

So it seems right to show that these are rooted in someplace other than the South East of England. And for that reason I embrace the chance to highlight this through the shape of things. And I truly hope that The Gifts will transcend the biographical material it is rooted in and strike a universal note to those who come ...

 

# 25 [18 November 2009]

 

I have just finished the 6^th of 8 mass gifting workshops here in Bristol this week.  There has been a real range of groups- from primary school (10-11 year olds at Golden Valley and Knowle Park), to adult artists at The Studio Upstairs and the third session with older members of  The People's Panel  at the Museum. I realize how flexible the framework of this project is for engaging people in the different themes of the work most appropriate to them.

 

With the younger ones, both in and out of the museum, I highlighted the parallel between everyday objects in the collection and their own contributions, pointing to future times when they will become 'the ancestors' and their chosen gifts will be ancient artefacts.

They seemed to respond very viscerally to the idea that these objects were being reborn through The Gifts. Today, two of the children at Knowle Park came up to me with their wrapped objects to show me that they had left a small hole in one corner so that the object (in both cases a first toy) could breathe...

 They all seemed to think very carefully about what they were writing on their cards, knowing that it would be on display . I think the physical act of wrapping and binding has been having an effect, its finality and also the transforming nature of the materials we are using - mainly muslin, silks and recycled sari yarns. It has felt at every session that there is a kind of three dimensional form of painting going on , with the binding being a very real form of individual mark making.

 

Other themes I have been drawing out, especially with the adult participants, have been my own personal process of grief and healing and how it informed this project, and how I have developed the seed idea into what is going to be a very large -scale artwork...it seems to be that people are responding powerfully to the concept of the Gifts, and enjoying the haptic connection with the project through the object wrapping, underlined by written reflections on the personal meaning to them of what they are donating.

 

I have also enjoyed broadening ideas out with the primary school children of what art can be in terms of both mediums used and the closing of the gap between personal processes and public art. 

 

Images to come later.

# 24 [12 November 2009]

 

Last week I was up at the Museum, facilitating a mass Gifting session with groups from Backwell school in the rear hall of the Museum. It felt good to be out in the open rather than in a closed room, more connected. I brought in references to certain objects at the Museum which I realize have had an impact on my thinking process in this project.

 

The main one is a child’s ball- a scrawny object made of sackcloth with a bit of rope tied around it -  and I find parallels to it in terms of the context of the objects I am being given. I realize that this collection I am randomly curating - is acting  as a counterpoint to the Museums collection of artefacts which hold only objects which have been carefully sourced and chosen by specialist curators. The only criteria for The Gifts is that the object donated has to have had personal emotional resonance for the Giver and not be over a certain size.

 

 

So, I realize that certain levels of meanings of my work don’t become clear until it starts making itself... In preparing for the panel presentation this week for the launch of the shape of things (which I will write on in my next post), I saw how, once again, the theme of death is a constant. This time it’s the idea of the death of the object and the ritual of wrapping and binding these objects that enables a process of reincarnation to occur. They are certainly being utterly transformed and it’s only the display of their narratives that will give any clue to their previous lives.

 

An artist friend, Ivan Pope, came by the studio the other day and we discussed the form of the narrative display which is still under consideration. A Book was initially favoured , especially by the curator, as it is a reference to the Register Book used by them to enter objects into their collection. But I feel more and more that  this limits access to only a few people being able to browse it at any one time. Ivan suggested an idea that I had originally had but ditched a while ago, of a wall display of index cards that are effectively the narrative interface of the collection.

 

I am getting clearer that I am not concerned with people being able to individually access information on a particular object, and that this is a singular piece of work – a multitude of objects that have effectively become one. Although each object will be numbered, the numbers won’t always be clearly visible,  I want to leave some incompletion , some space for those looking to make connections…I went to see the Ed Ruscha at the Hayward last week and I liked his quote around this :  ‘The most an artist can do is to start something and not give the whole story. That’s what makes the mystery’ 

 

# 23 [27 October 2009]

 

I am in the ‘full-blooded’ stage of the project. Was in Bristol last week, a lot happened – major installation design decisions, planning for the catalogue.  presentations to teachers, gifting sessions at the Museum with a group of  students doing the Creative Media Diploma at Backwell School.

I stayed at my sister’s house in Backwell, and with her and my brother-in-law Mark’s help (he is the school connection as he works as a lead practitioner in the  CMD for the region) , we worked out how to translate my colour palette for the 900 objects in the main piece into actual number of objects per colour and metres of fabric required. I had been trying to do this for a while without much success, so when we came up with the final numbers I was in sweet shock for a while as I saw that every number relating to every single colour is divisible by 9 again! 9 seems to have become a living entity and be following me around, toying with my head..

 

Mark unearthed around 30 objects for the project to wrap–most of them childrens toys .My nieces were there, deconstructing their early childhoods  as they debated and  figured out the detail of each item’s history…

 

I was due to give what I had been told by the museum was only a presentation to Mark’s school group the next day . However when I got to my sisters house I realised that there had been a communication blip and the students were bringing objects to wrap the next morning..I, however I hadn’t brought any materials. I perversely like this kind of situation. We hatched a plan and got  the students involved in sourcing fabrics, cutting, stripping and logging as well as wrapping and experiencing the adrenalin rush of being in production of a live artwork.

 

 Mark has since set up a lot more sessions with different school groups  and I now know what I need to do to be prepared. I enjoyed sharing my work and approach with them, I have started to accept that my self-criticism that I talk too quickly and jam too much in  is in fact exaggerated in my head and just part of  my style and the more I accept that the more I will slow down anyway.

 

Example of objects given so far…coming in thick and fast:

 

A bunch of keys to a recently repossessed house.

A child’s toothbrush

A photo of an ex-lover

A gold watch strap of a recently deceased partner

A ninetndo wii (broken)

A screenplay

A jar of gold size with gilder’s tip and gold leaf.

Three small knitted dolls, each symblising a lost child through miscarriage

A photo taken by my mother of a group of her Iranian friends, sent to me by one of them

An ipod mini

A large seed pod

A jar of shells and stones, collected  over 30 years ago  by parents long departed. 

 

 

# 22 [18 October 2009]

On friday Julia Carver, the curator of the project came for a studio visit. I was so glad that Raphaella and I had hung the objects up last week as she got a proper sense of how its going to work and look which photos cant really convey. There was a lot to discuss - the installation itself, the exhibition guide, presentation next week, the launch, PR for the object gathering etc. It's like unravelling a ball of wool and it just keeps getting longer...I realise this is the first public project i have worked on where I have a sustained and close relationship with a curator, and I am really enjoying the interchange and support, we are a good match.

It was also good to be able to show her my parallel new work - from The Gifts of the Departed series - that is very much fed by and feeds into this project. I have just finished the 'Mother Tongue' piece and it's the completion of a two year on-and-off  process.I basically wrapped three of my mother's  rice cookers in wool and silk, then bound them in black binding and wrote three versions of the same song -based on a sufi poem by Rumi- on them, 'Come , Come , My Beloved' by Bijan Bijani. It was the song that was playing when i was in labour with Delia, my first child and I remember my mother sat there translating it to me, what an amazing moment of closeness it was - almost other- wordly.

The largest cooker is written on in farsi, the medium size one in romanised farsi and the third, smallest one, in the english translation.  Julia called it the 'prologue' to The Gifts and i see what she means, in that the themes it draws on  - core relationship through the female ancestral line from my mother to my daughter through me, the transmission and gradual loss of language, the importance of food as a form of love etc.  

It felt very significant for me to finally finish it and to say goodbye to those objects and see that they can work in a totally transformed context but still speak of the work they once knew. I hope this will apply to the Gifts, which seems to be revealing new objects and their stories to me every day.

# 21 [8 October 2009]

 

Objects have begun to slowly flow in, i am receiving 1-2 a day since i sent out an initial email to friends and family in the first instance last week. Some are very moving ,i will start listing examples soon .. It's like an alternative christmas, and some (local) friends / Givers have come to the studio and wrapped their object themselves. It seems to have the same cathartic effect on them as it does on me which is reassuring as it has felt like such a personal process so far , even though it is an age -old ritual i am tapping into here.

 The museum are sending out a PR this week and it will start to escalate, i hope. Only real obstacle is the postal strike...! My brother pointed out to me that i have set up a project where certain elements (like the sourcing of the main material of the work) are beyond my control, and that must be a challenge i desired. He is right, it's a step further than i have been before and it keeps the thrilling if terrifying element of uncertainty alive  -will i get enough response to my call out for objects  etc... The larger, deeper part of me trusts i will, postal strike or not , but my controlling side is somewhat on edge. 

Raphaella helped me hang up 99 objects in a spiral to see how its going to work with the smaller of the two pieces, ie, my own objects. it's looking good, though its going to be tricky to photograph since there is so much background visual noise and i am reluctant to publish images of it here as yet. It’s wonderful to finally see objects hanging in the air, as I had imagined them, and with only 99 it already feels like a powerful space is being created. I now have the dimensions needed to give the designers something to work with for the first hanging structure. 

 

Which brings me to the number 9. the choice of 999 was an intuitive thing, I knew 6 years ago that was the number I would use if I ever managed to do this project. I am now  discovering the beauty of the number 9 and how it always returns to itself ,  (ie 9+9+9 = 27, 2+7=9). Also, if you

you multiply anything by 9, the same thing happens, ie 9 x8  = 72, 7+2 =9  and  5 x9=45, 4+5 = 9 etc

 

And even in the dimensions of the spiral we made, bizarrely  (and without calculation, just by eye) ;

144 cm wide, 1+ 4+ 4 = 9

261 cm high, 2+6+1 = 9

162 deep, 1+6+2= 9

 

Finally, here is the invite to contribute an object, either from my website or the Bristol Museum site (you have to scroll to the bottom to download the form on that one)….please spread the word…