ARTISTS TALKING

# 7 [25 May 2009]

As the unstable chemicals gathered across the room some of us felt compelled to rub our eyes, but this child would not shed one tear. And when one tearful boy did finally look into the camera I felt moved enough to look away. A tear rolled down another boy's cheek, and I observed his jaw twisting in agony as he too wiped away his tears.

There was something mildly disturbing about watching adults standing around an LCD screen poised on a young boy, waiting to see if he would cry. To be fairer, we were waiting to see if chopping onions would draw tears from these boy's eyes and within the context of the title of this blog ‘Boys don't cry', the aim of our collaboration was to question emotions and how they could be explored within art education. How could a framework as rigid as a school curriculum ‘shove over' and ‘mind the gap' for something as abject as emotion?

Assisted by our six, pupil volunteers, along with the generous input of camera and sound people Maverick and Jim; Faga, Cassius and I had set up studio within the ‘clay room' of a North London Boy's school. Having resigned myself to the idea that today's filming was for educational purposes only, and not for public domain (safeguarding children), I cultivated a healthy distance from the ‘creative' action around the LCD screen. I manoeuvred a role between organising students to fill in questionnaires ‘about crying' and issuing far off advice with regards to chopping speeds and tear inducement. Faga and Cassius located themselves with the technical team directing each individual boy to look into the camera the moment they felt their eyes fill up with tears. I don't know if these young boys knew how exceptionally generous they were being, or even valued their part in this. Everybody knows we're not talking real tears, but the focus and enthusiasm that I observed in these young people was touching and full of hope. They were all really eager to perform and whilst awaiting their moment of fame, sat huddled in the background fighting off a contagious attack of the giggles, watching volunteer number one, who would not shed one tear.

The school buzzer sounded the final alarm on a Friday afternoon and half term beckoned to the boys. Faga distributed compulsory chocolates of thanks, and Cassius declared it was a rap or a wrap? The ‘clay room' emptied of tearful boys and we did one final surface sound recording of the space to cover all the unwanted sounds that occurred during filming. Looking forward to seeing the edited version!

A quick glimpse at WikiAnswers.com and the following question pops up "Does putting bread up your nose stop the tears from chopping onions?" and the reply "Hello, my name is Sydnee. No, I don't think putting bread up your nose makes the tears stop".

# 6 [17 May 2009]

I feel a bit disappointed because I'm not going to get a still or a DVD of the filming that's taking place at work in school of pupils performing the action of chopping onions. I wanted a document that shows the process of isolating the material of emotions; and here we are the filming takes place next Thursday and I'm not going to get a personal copy; I know the reasons are really valid, and I keep reminding myself of this fact...never mind at least the work still gets made.

Having performed this action of chopping onions as part of a previous work, entitled ‘do you think you have a feeling?' it's invaluable to consider this action from other artist's perspectives. ‘do you think you have a feeling?' used informal ritualistic actions and gestures as a way of socially engaging with audiences and the question of feelings.  I created an embodied experience of ‘feelings' through onion chopping and framed the activity by asking individual audience members how they were feeling; this was documented onto a clipboard as a list and then read back to the audience as a performed spoken word. I've been thinking about onion chopping in relation to emotions and questioning how I could even justify it's link with emotions; it exposes something physiological, from inside, without the attachment of emotion, the tears are the material of feelings yet separated out from feelings, they still come from inside and look like real emotions, but are absent of it. I think it is this absence and separation that I am pursuing, perhaps it is the ‘lack of the emotion' that is compelling, is seeing knowing?

Issues that this collaboration has thrown up for me are the difficulties surrounding continuing to make work as an artist even though you have to take a day job to pay for living. I don't have a studio space and the need to be resourceful is an art practice in itself, so that ideas can still have a life and questions can still be asked. You've probably realised from reading this blog that there is no real budget, someone needed an idea, a few ideas were thrown into a pot, a common ground was initiated, a-n blogging became the framework and hey presto, the official existence of a new work. Blogging creates a space for me to have a handle on the collaboration without me inflicting my ‘I must have control over my idea' statement! Let's face it it's good to share ideas and to be in a position to receive creative input from other artists; how does anyone make work alone?

Faga just rang to say that the filming date had to be changed to Friday because she's got an interview for a new job on Thursday. My constraints are dictated by my role within this institution, I have a responsibility to the Curriculum Support Department. Ho hum, the work will still get made though.

# 5 [13 May 2009]

Yesterday we had two meetings; one with the person who is responsible for making sure that pupil's rights within the school environment are protected, in relation to showing images, videos etc. of them in the public domain. The other was with our film maker/producer, director Cassius Matthias. 

There will be no images of boys shedding tears on this blog (repeat). In my ignorance I assumed that after the moving image had been made, we would do the right thing and request permission from school and parents afterwards, for the images to appear on websites and DVDs for future project development; but we were always going to ask permission. However, not so. We were told that permission needs to be sort well in advance and even then may not be granted. We've already sort parental permission for the boys to be filmed, so that's OK, but because this is for educational purposes only, Faga is the only person who can use the images as part of her teacher training. It's understandable and not such a surprise, after all, even though our pupils are full of enthusiasm and looking forward to being filmed, they are still children and need protecting, and as we all know, an artist's intention can develop a life of it's own.

At the very outset, this collaboration happened because Faga and I had had a conversation in a classroom one day about questions concerned with art and emotions; how does art express emotions? What feelings do colours depict? Is performance art all concept and no feeling?  As artists and teachers the questions developed and an exchange of ideas grew. So that we could both explore common questions and shared visions further, we agreed to collaborate within the working environment of school and in fact, to place so much importance on the final outcome of an image is futile, because the blessing has already been received, the questions have a life and ideas are still growing, what more could an artist want.

Our meeting with Faga's friend, director Cassius Matthias, happened at the end of school; after the day's gruelling battles for elbow space in the corridors and thinking space in the classroom, we had a civilised artist's conversation at Faga's. Cassius led us straight into the scenario of a series of portraits, real young people, natural light, the camera's eye following through a domestic action, simply executed. We all agreed that The Cure track 'boys don't cry' was no longer an option, and that an abstract sound is more preferable. We spoke about the mechanics of chopping onions and the safety of the pupils; when I have performed this action during the past before an audience, once the tears start to fall, its almost like becoming blind, the eyes sting, and to continue chopping before an audience doesn't feel safe, chopping would have to stop. The pupils safety is paramount, Faga said she would give a demonstration to the pupils on how they are required to chop the onions in this instance. The pupils already receive food tech lessons in knife skills, and these skills are about the prevention of tears during onion chopping, but we want tears, real ones!

# 4 [7 May 2009]

Faga and I have had a slight hiccup in our plans to meet, in that we are both suffering from mysterious 'flu-like' symptons (shivers, vacumm-heads and kidney pains). And seeing as we both work in the highly contagious environment of a boy's school, we have decided to do the responsible thing and stay off work. Faga's drawn the short straw also in that she is preparing for finals on a PGCE and up to her eyeballs in applications and dissertations. So we've ended up communicating about the collaboration 'in passing' via mobiles and emails:

Hi Barbara, i will try again to send this to you again, there is alot more!
How do we as teachers,
 Teach young people emotional intelligence! (faga's thought)

some of the snip bits i got: [Friday]
Year 7:
When was they last time you cried?
1. " the last time I cried was 1 year ago because a ball hit my face very hard and started bleeding"
Paint a colour that you think fits this?
Red
"I think this colour is sad because it is like blood"

2 " last time I cried was because I lost my phone"
Purple:" I think this is a sad colour because dark is like a scarey thing when youre alone. I thought dark violet because I always see a violet colour in my dreams that makes me scared"

Year 9. when was the last time you cried, and why?
" I was crying over eastenders"
" the last time I cried was when I was made fun of and picked on in school when I clearly didnt do any thing"
" when my brother beat me up"
" the last time I cried was because looking at the situation in life. God will get you through hell to get you to heaven"
" the last time I cried when my granda died"
" the last time I cried was when i got told of by Mr waxman"
There are more...

Year 11
" the worst thing ever is when my mum cries"
Some of the questions asked to 3 boys:
who do you think cries more girls or boys?
1."girls cry over anything"
2."girls are more emotional than boys, they care more, if a girl gets dumped by a boy they always cry- boys dont"
3. "i dont take things personally"

What do you think of boys crying?
1. "you dont want to cry -but you cant help it especially when you are angry"
2." i might cry over my results if they are really good I might"
3."I would cry over money"

As for me I feel crying is a good emotional outlet, as a child I cried with my mum over Lassie films, I'm not scared or embarrassed to cry. I can cry at at britains got talent when someone does well or at an advert for a starving sick child.
love Faga

# 3 [2 May 2009]

The 'boys don't cry' collaboration is moving on, even though the nature of our collaboration's exchange of ideas, (and maybe this will be true for other artist's collabs too?) usually happens during 'passages through' the staff/class room, the mobile/email or this blog. Whilst I spent yesterday in the company of 'gifted & talented' boys at the Design Museum near Tower Bridge, discussing the true meaning of the 'student-speak' term "Shank", Faga asked some leading questions with a group of boys back at school like, "When was the last time you cried?".

(do not forget) A face to face artist's meeting, will be planned for somewhere in the vicinity of Muswell Hill as this is a location near to all our homes asap to discuss boy's feedback soon!

When was the last time you cried dear reader, and where were you; were you amongst friends/strangers or alone? It would be great to receive comments from other artists about their own expression of emotions on this blog.

Since receiving Arts Council funding for a collaborative residency at the Museum of Domestic Design & Architecture in 2006, I have been working through the contexts and meanings that developed in my work as a result of that residency. I've always had a fascination for domestic ritual and as an eldest teenage daughter, one of my chores at home was to lay the table for dinner. The unfolding of a crisp white tablecloth, the correct positioning of serviettes and cutlery. In the study rooms at the Museum of Domestic Design & Architecture (MODA) I was in my element reading post-war publications about 'how to create a perfect home'. Is this always a female preoccupation? A good friend of mine challenged me recently concerning my work as an artist in relation to Gender politics, and said that if it wasn't for the groundbreaking work of Feminism my fascination with domestic ritual probably wouldn't even be getting a look in. I think that what I came away from MODA with, and what I learnt about in terms of the contexts and meanings contained in my work was more about a process of 'disengagement' or 'absence'.

I have been so challenged by the works of artists such as Franko B and Kira O'Reilly; who cut/pierce/wound/divide/brand their bodily surfaces before an audience to reveal an 'inside', in relation to Kandinsky's 'Concerning the spiritual in art'; with a personal need to question the relationship between that which is 'seen' and 'unseen'. My own experience of being unable to view the works 'in the flesh', but a desire to read about them, lead me to want to question the abject material of human emotion more. To support these questions about 'emotions' and 'feelings' I started to perform the domestic action of chopping onions before an audience.

# 2 [24 April 2009]

First week back after the Easter holidays and Faga has found a video artist along with 6 boys who have agreed to take part in the performance. With timetables firmly in place for the boys end of year exams, their time is precious and this does pose a problem for us working within the school curriculum. The video artist has suggested that we capture each student's action individually and video one boy at a time chopping onions; this process will allow for a more intensely controlled portrait to appear in the final edit of the video. I feel a pang of disappointment as to missing out on the live event and experience of working with a larger group, to watch boys chop and cry in unison together.

Thinking about the process of collaboration and artists working together, and the importance of generating ideas and processes, this is what I enjoy about collaborating. A special energy grows out of this and vitalises the collaborative relationship and experience. This collaboration came about because I found a way of continuing to ask questions important to me as an artist within my place of work.

This question of what is spiritual and why should it be important to artists is what I struggle with. Kandinsky wrote about 'feelings' as being the material expression of the soul, and described 'thought' as a product of the spirit. So are emotions the only tangible measure of expressions of 'thought' and 'feeling'? Reflecting on this question I was reminded of works by performance artists such as Franko B, Kira O'Reilly and others that emit bodily fluids during their performances. As a result of a childhood experience I confess that I have never been able to to see any of the aforementioned artists perform in the flesh (as it were), however having spent many hours reading about these artists in the study rooms at the Live Art Development Agency and online, I started to challenge my fascination for reading about the performances but not being able to see the live performances for myself. I know I'm not alone and it really is a case that I cannot bare to see the blood spill, but this performed ritual of artists exposing themselves viscerally got me chewing over Kandinsky's idea of the 'inner life' in terms of the spiritual. What is a 'true' or 'real' expression of the artist's inner life and what could it look like? Must the spiritual mean that which is 'unseen'?

# 1 [23 April 2009]

Artists met during half term to consider a format of preparation and both agreed that the song by the Cure, 'boys don't cry' should feature somewhere within this performance. A list was drawn up of things to do and one of the first tasks was to track down 6 students who were up for a bit of onion chopping and not averse to the spilling of tears! Faga in her role as Trainee/Teacher/Artist would raise up some parent permission slips to be sent home to the boys who hopefully would agree to take part in our performance/art educational video. We also needed a third collaborator who would video our performance. Questions were already surfacing as to what to tell the boys beforehand so as not to influence their performances whilst chopping onions; should this be an art or food tech experiment? Also, at what time during the school day do we conduct our performance so as not to be too disruptive to the boys' learning; for myself in the role of Teaching Assistant at this North London school, it is less easy for me to be released from school timetable during a spring/summer term, as I am needed to support students as a scribe or reader whilst they are sitting important exams.

For our purposes in this performance small onions will prove the best, because they are strong in aroma and will hopefully emit a powerful vapour to tickle the tear ducts. A glass chopping board will produce a sharper and more uniform noise as we perceive the boys chopping in unison. Perhaps we will choreograph a sequence to give the boys a format to follow but try not to spoil the spontanaity of their actions. The knives will be borrowed from the food tech department and all safety checks and procedures will be put in place and demonstrated. The question of what to do with the onions after they have been chopped is raised and whilst Onion Soup is the obvious we are not sure whether school kitchens do their own cooking anymore.

For Faga this collaboration develops out of her own interests concerning emotions and how they are explored within the educational system; how can one use colour to express feeling in art - what colours depict a feeling or emotion? How can emotions be painted? We discussed artists who used emotion in their work like Kandinsky, Munch, Bacon and Rothko amongst others. Faga has started to work through a piece already with a student in year 11 looking at emotions in facial expressions through sculptures in clay.

For myself this performance develops out of research I have been making during the last couple of years and relates to Kandinsky's book 'Concerning the spiritual in art'. In his wildly prophetic publication from the early 20th century, and amongst his prescriptives on colour and form, are Kandinsky's thoughts concerning emotions; he believed that art had the power to transform the 'inner life'.