ARTISTS TALKING

# 16 [16 March 2010]

Still writing. It's strange but having read through lots of theory vs practice huffing and puffing on various a-n blog pages I am now realising how a really close engagement with theory is actually really exciting. I mean close engagement as in trying to read a few lines really carefully as opposed to trying to catch at all the bits of theory that come one's way. My own subjective reading of artworks is coming together with the theoretical in a way I hadn't expected and it is impacting on how I think about my practice.

On we go! Have done about 6,000 words now. I'm not sure if I can submit this year as I'm not officially enrolled but if I can get the writing done, then next year I can just hone my practice. CSM doesn't give separate marks for the research paper and the final work, so it's just about practicalities in terms of time really as to whether I submit in May or not.

# 15 [15 March 2010]

On with the research paper then. Lacan and the gaze.

In the meantime have been busy in between periods of grogginess. DAD has set up a temporary 'story shop' in an empty venue in Dover where we will be collecting stories from people connected with Buckland paper mill which used to make Conqueror paper in Dover.

# 14 [27 February 2010]

Feeling very chuffed. Got very encouraging feedback on my draft research paper. Maybe I can pull it together by May and submit this year. Then I can just concentrate on my practice when I return to college next year.

# 13 [26 February 2010]

Feeling fairly energetic again. I took the bull by the horns yesterday and decided to take up an offer by my critical studies tutor to read what I have done so far on my research paper which I don't actually have to submit until next year. It's just that I've already done so much work on it I thought I might as well get some feedback now if I can. So I sent it off with not a little trepidation. I am trying to investigate autobiography as a component of both the making of work and the response to it so the form is also a kind of memoir, which I feel is rather risky, in that the whole thing could just get way too subjective.

# 12 [11 February 2010]

What a day. Decided to see if the dog could walk without pulling me over and tested him on a longish walk. He was not too bad! Months and months of training and help from a dog handler are paying off. Positive reward based system only, which requires endless amounts of patience. Anyhow we got to where we wanted to in time for a meeting, where he was quite well behaved. Then he was allowed a loopy run in the snow and then we walked home and he managed a few spells of "pure genius" when he actually seemed to understand what was required.

So now for a quiet time in the studio I hope. That is after making a load of phone calls, finishing a press release, updating the DAD website (www.dadonline.eu) and generally wrapping up the day. We've appointed a coordinator for the education programme on which I was leading so hopefully that will all run smoothly.

# 11 [10 February 2010]

I've been taking a mini break in the sense that I've been making some Chinese New Year pieces. I usually make a card for my mother but this year have decided to make a few more as presents and also, inspired by DAD's Remade in Dover (http://www.remadeindover.net/HOME%204.html) upcycling project, I've been using old postcards, some of which I've had since I was at school. There is no point keeping them unlooked at in a box; funny though, when I took them out to look at again, they brought back loads of memories.

# 10 [3 February 2010]

Here are a few close ups of my work in the Bargehouse. Am feeling quite perky and have done some DAD work and some new drawing. I've been catching up with old friends too via Facebook - a relatively recent discovery.

I've just been listening to Front Row's interview with Gillian Ayres. I liked her statement that her paintings weren't about anything and that one could look in vain at the paintings to see what the relationship was to their titles.

# 9 [30 January 2010]

Was feeling a bit woozy today so didn't make it up to The Bargehouse. Fellow student Le sent me some pics though of my work installed. Other people helped hang it and also provided some lighting.

# 8 [29 January 2010]

1st chemo yesterday and I'm feeling fine. I can't quite believe it but there we are.  I've been up in the office cum studio and working on some small pieces. I never know what titles to give, if at all, and have been toying with the idea of text in some form or other. Also the idea of how text can pick up undrawable narrative.

My partner is fast asleep having promised to walk the dog. The dog has given up thoughts of a walk for now and is lying under my feet asleep. The cats are sleeping. I am the only one awake.

# 7 [24 January 2010]

That's it - date for chemo to start is 28th Jan. I was expecting to feel relieved when I got the date but actually felt anxious, which I suppose shouldn't have been the surprise it was.

My partner has been great and measured my head for a hat yesterday. Today I'm getting my hair cut short.

I've been getting my work ready for the CSM interim show and annoyingly the opening is on 28th so I can't be there. However, I am going to try to get to The Bargehouse during the week.