ARTISTS TALKING

# 11 [10 February 2010]

I've been taking a mini break in the sense that I've been making some Chinese New Year pieces. I usually make a card for my mother but this year have decided to make a few more as presents and also, inspired by DAD's Remade in Dover (http://www.remadeindover.net/HOME%204.html) upcycling project, I've been using old postcards, some of which I've had since I was at school. There is no point keeping them unlooked at in a box; funny though, when I took them out to look at again, they brought back loads of memories.

# 12 [11 February 2010]

What a day. Decided to see if the dog could walk without pulling me over and tested him on a longish walk. He was not too bad! Months and months of training and help from a dog handler are paying off. Positive reward based system only, which requires endless amounts of patience. Anyhow we got to where we wanted to in time for a meeting, where he was quite well behaved. Then he was allowed a loopy run in the snow and then we walked home and he managed a few spells of "pure genius" when he actually seemed to understand what was required.

So now for a quiet time in the studio I hope. That is after making a load of phone calls, finishing a press release, updating the DAD website (www.dadonline.eu) and generally wrapping up the day. We've appointed a coordinator for the education programme on which I was leading so hopefully that will all run smoothly.

# 13 [26 February 2010]

Feeling fairly energetic again. I took the bull by the horns yesterday and decided to take up an offer by my critical studies tutor to read what I have done so far on my research paper which I don't actually have to submit until next year. It's just that I've already done so much work on it I thought I might as well get some feedback now if I can. So I sent it off with not a little trepidation. I am trying to investigate autobiography as a component of both the making of work and the response to it so the form is also a kind of memoir, which I feel is rather risky, in that the whole thing could just get way too subjective.

# 14 [27 February 2010]

Feeling very chuffed. Got very encouraging feedback on my draft research paper. Maybe I can pull it together by May and submit this year. Then I can just concentrate on my practice when I return to college next year.

# 15 [15 March 2010]

On with the research paper then. Lacan and the gaze.

In the meantime have been busy in between periods of grogginess. DAD has set up a temporary 'story shop' in an empty venue in Dover where we will be collecting stories from people connected with Buckland paper mill which used to make Conqueror paper in Dover.

# 16 [16 March 2010]

Still writing. It's strange but having read through lots of theory vs practice huffing and puffing on various a-n blog pages I am now realising how a really close engagement with theory is actually really exciting. I mean close engagement as in trying to read a few lines really carefully as opposed to trying to catch at all the bits of theory that come one's way. My own subjective reading of artworks is coming together with the theoretical in a way I hadn't expected and it is impacting on how I think about my practice.

On we go! Have done about 6,000 words now. I'm not sure if I can submit this year as I'm not officially enrolled but if I can get the writing done, then next year I can just hone my practice. CSM doesn't give separate marks for the research paper and the final work, so it's just about practicalities in terms of time really as to whether I submit in May or not.

# 17 [27 April 2010]

Back again. I've just sent a second draft of my research paper off for feedback. Let's see what comes back. It is now much more analytical than in its first incarnation.

One good thing about deferring till next year is that I can experiment when it comes to my practice and give myself more time to get to the heart of what that practice is or might be.

I'm currently making a book of sorts. I can't sew and I'm not dextrous, in part due to arthritic fingers, so the sewing feels like hard labour. Sewing also relates to my mother, whose stitches are neater and finer than machine made ones.

# 18 [30 May 2010]

I managed to finish my research paper and submit it on time. The marks will be carried forward till next year when I present my studio practice.

My chemo sessions are over though the whole course of treatment isn't. Next stop hospital for an op.

Anyhow, now that I am not writing and rewriting and editing and checking my bibliography I've got some time to play. I've been looking at medical imagery and think I might pursue this a bit, though this drawing/collage looks a bit too much like a plate.

# 19 [31 May 2010]

So nice to get a comment from Becky Hunter. Makes me feel connected.

I haven't written much in this blog about how I've managed to keep busy. I got distracted by Facebook which I joined because I thought I was going to be completely out of it most of the time. Fortunately though, despite the fact that the chemo knocked me out every three weeks, the feeling of being totally incapable of anything at all only lasted a few days so I had about two weeks out of three where I was able to work at almost full energy levels. So I kept on writing, and rewriting my research paper and working on DAD stuff (Dover Arts Development). Joanna was great - she'd say "come on Clare, you've got chemo in 5 days so do it now!" It has been really important for me to have that kind of support. Realistic, upfront and not treating me as ill except when really I wasn't up to it. My partner has been fantastic in the same kind of way. And it has been important for me too to learn to let people know when I'm not able to do anything and when I am. Admittedly I haven't been out much - no trips to London to see work for fear of catching a cold on the train, but I'll soon put that right. Staying in control of my own activities has been the most important thing over these past few months.

# 20 [16 June 2010]

Back from hospital after my operation. Was lucky to have a room to myself and free TV. Don't know what I did to deserve it but anyhow it meant I watched too much TV, although by the last day I'd had enough and read all of Brief Lives instead.

So home and back to work. Submitted a funding bid yesterday to Screen South. They have a good system of a panel to discuss the bid with you and in this case give some advice on tweaking it in time for the final decision-making panel. I tweaked it as they suggested but didn't reduce the budget as much as they wanted. Just feel they ask alot for their money. If we don't get enough to run the project, we won't do it.

Submitting another bid tomorrow for "New Recipes" funding from the Kent Arts Development Unit. Won't hear until end July whether successful.

In the meantime we - that's DAD - have interest from Saga in our Watermark project. We suggested that not only the former Buckland Mill employees but also we fall within their target population!

Still working on defining my practice, especially with the thesis behind me. Did this drawing today - very much work in progress. I'm thinking of working with text too.