ARTISTS TALKING

# 27 [9 July 2010]

 future focus… the end.

(pause for jim)

and with 60’s colour i cover myself.

agh, i’m bathed in colour and peace and harmony (any revolutionary thoughts will have to wait).  tis the concluding part of future focus.  what have i learnt from the experience?  it’s easy for me to point blame and upset emanating from an institution, however if that’s every institution, should i start to look at myself as a source of the unhappiness.   if i am the source of the unhappiness, i’m doing that to myself because of ideologies set out by people organised into groups. if i don’t get those groups, yet want to be part of it,  i must find a path to allow me in, i need to find more support.  if i find support and still i don’t get in, then i will remain outside and at last i will be part of the mainstream by being outside of it.

what have i found out about funding?  any project funded needs to have an evaluation, so that the funders know that the project was a success and participants got what was expected.  i also found out that an rfo giving money to an artist then rules out the artist applying for ace funding directly.  i’ve not yet been offered the opportunity to take part in any evaluation.

the other slight moan is to do with the professional development seminar, part of the bursary and part of the advertising for the project.  do to a foresight by the university, it wasn’t organised for the week within the exhibition, instead it’ll now happen in October as part of some other initiative.  i end up moaning as i actually need a lot of support and when it’s there without having to be proactive about getting it, i feel relieved that i don’t have to go through the whole explanation of my word based problems.  i am having to come to terms with my need to search for help, to admit i can’t do something, in order to do something i want to do.

so what next for me?  i’ve been applying for things throughout the exhibition and have been rejected by all of them.  mostly because what i was proposing was not deemed suitable for the audience of the project.  no problem with that, i’m experiencing that in some aspects of the art world, audience is the most important thing, i have an idea for a piece where audience complete the work by their interaction with it.

i also have two proposals in.  one for a new piece and one for a residency.  i’m not 100% confident that my words are a strong enough communication of my intentions for the residency.  if i do get it, then i will conclude the idea was strong, if i don’t get it, the idea was still strong, i simply failed to communicate in words what i had in my mind.  i will need to find some specialist support to make an application for funding to develop the piece hinted at in the above paragraph.

this week is a week of rest and recovery, while waiting to hear about the residency decision.  it feels very much like a fork in the road.  what possible futures are on the sign posts?  successful application and the start of something new or another rejection and some inner soul searching and admitting that i can’t do sophisticated word writing good enough to get myself chosen. 

not long to wait…

# 26 [15 June 2010]

i’ve woken up today thinking about stirling moss, in a professional capacity of course.  his motor racing career was possible because of his subconscious thoughts over his interaction with the world around him, ie his car and the track. 

his subconscious actions resulting in the positioning of the car.

with less than a week to go of future focus, i’m being reflective today about what my racing car is.  am i in a vehicle that i can interact subconsciously? i can test that later today with the artist talk in the gallery.  i’m happy to report that of all the tasks involving talking to other people on this project, this one i am feeling most calm about(there are a few butterflys in my stomach as i write this!)

i look back on the first year out of the degree.  the first six months were unpleasant, i think because i didn’t know what to ask for and what i wanted to do.  the second six months have been slightly better, well they’ve been a whole lot better as i am more connected to what i want in the next six months.

i still need someone to give me a tenable statement about what being critical means, so i have something to work with or reject and thus work with.  this need for a tenable statement i can source back to the dsylexic condition.  there are some things that i just need absolutely spelling out so i can begin to understand them.  the continuing search for what being critical means is like looking through a gallery of paintings that leave me full of differing interpretations.  in the painting case, i would be left with an impression, not an actuality of what the painter was thinking about.

that aside, i know at a personal level that i need to ask for what i want more.  possibly the greatest challenge i have ever faced in my life.

changing the subject, i am beginning to get how important audience is to art.  i am beginning to get how what ever an artist makes, as long as there is a way in to the work for the audience, it’s ok that the work is somewhere out there.  i am beginning to get how if a drawing is about process, there needs to be mediation with the audience about process.   i think for me i have lots to learn about mediation with audience, as in mediating with audience, how does the work maintain it’s ambiguity and it’s connection with the audience.   in reflecting about that last statement, i am making some big assumptions about audience.  i am also aware that if the work is engaging enough, the words on the wall almost become irrelevant.  what if with a piece of work in a gallery there was a reference to where the context of the work was contained?  is that a radical new idea or a simple rehash of an idea i don’t know that i don’t know?

# 25 [29 May 2010]

had to add another post after being into the gallery and receiving an email.

i've had a reply from the vice chancellor : "I will enquire what went wrong with the seminar - professional practice is a crucial part of understanding the creative career." was part of his reply.

in the gallery i was exploring how to best document my work.  my work has made it onto the work sheet for gallery activity, i feel quite proud.  the gallery assistant informed me that they were bribing the cine kids audience with chocolate to visit the gallery after the film. 

i was packing up when the throngs arrived.  interestingly there were quite a few children who walked over my work without intervention from their accompanying adults. 

the best part was watching a lady straighten a part of the floor that was rearranged as a result of the interventions.  possible futures in action in front of me.  i feel inspired to visit the gallery more often to watch these interventions and reactions.

# 24 [29 May 2010]

i'm back from being outside of my pracice this week.  all i have to show for the excersion is some nice pictures of a digger.

now with coffee drunk and sun emerging from rain clouds i can look back at a week of very mixed feelings.

i editted the crib sheet and gave it to the landlady.  the first thing she asked me when i walked is was 'where's my crib sheet?'  some interesting conversations happened from there on in.

last night i visited the second year derby fine art exhibition, which was nice.  walking past the adt building i got very down.  it related to the seminar disappointment.  i've dealt with the disappointment this morning by sending an email to the vice chancellor of the university, telling him about it.

research for new works continue and after crawling out of the black hole with yellow centre, i'm starting to feel optimisitic again.

# 23 [25 May 2010]

i've written a crib sheet for the landlady of my local pub about the exhibition and my work.  i don't know what her interest is in visual art, so the opportunity to write a crib sheet has been fun.  it's allowed me to think about my work, having missed doing that for the last week or so.

i got a little concerned when i realised that the writing of the sheet, effectivley the script for my artist's talk, might compromise the ambiguity of viewing the work.  however, if by reading the sheet, she decides to go to an exhibition that previously she would not have, then i feel that is a good thing(words failing me at this point).

in other news how can i critically and positively write about my disappointment connected to the news that the professional development seminar, supposidly happening this week  is not happening this week "as the university didn't get back to us to arrange it"  it's ok as the programme does not make a big thing on the poster about it.  however 'Future Focus also provides professional development for the Bursary winners.' is written on the website.  i feel let down.

still, it's all amazing i have a piece of work in a gallery with an international reputation, i know this as i've been told by the gallery that that's what they have.  how amazing is that for my cv?  time will tell. it's partly due to me continuing to make work that is deemed fit for an audience to view.  i have to get possible future work past the feature editor so to speak. 

it is clear that art audiences are more important than artists, as people whose job it is to be responsible to audience will think of audience before artist.  ergo as long as an artist's practice produces work deemed to be what the audience wants to see, it will be succesful.  to ease the situation comes mediation.  through mediation, all parties can get what they want.  phew, i don't have to worry after all.

# 22 [16 May 2010]

a week is a long time when considered as seconds.  the exhibition has been open for a week now, many seconds for my thoughts.  many seconds to reflect. 

i have done more than just think about this exhibition, and that has been a great feeling.

so on a quiet Sunday night after my first sober relaxing weekend of the year, i feel compelled to spend some more seconds recording my thoughts in this moment.  i’ll spare you the mundanities of sandwiches and green tea. 

i enjoyed the opening night a lot more than i thought i would.  i enjoyed interacting with the local entertainment editor and kept my thoughts to myself when it became apparent that his ‘artist talking about their work interview’ was to be recorded on a mobile phone.  i know that afternoon at the national photography symposium there had been a talk about how things are different now in terms of gathering of info for publication in the press. this guy however was taking the piss.  i’ve seen the other artist’s interview on you tube; the sound quality is so disappointing.  i look forward to posting the link to my piece, if it makes it via Bluetooth to the web editor’s pc and on to the distributed media.

my work investigates the notion of possible futures.  something i’d seen gormley say about his 4^th plinth project. in researching my piece, i knew some of the materials i was using could be influenced by heat.  the heat in the gallery concerned me, and upon considering my concerns realised that within the notion of possible futures, there are conditions out of my control that affect my present, i.e. the work in the gallery would continue to explore the notion of possible futures.  little did i expect a small person to respond to the work on the preview night by attempting to sit on part of the work.  my investigation of possible futures had indeed manifested itself in my present actually in front of me.  i was so pleased, and so relaxed and excited that it had happened.  a very worried curator rushed over…i calmly said “leave it, it’s a possible future.” 

upon a visit in the week, the storey of how my work was intervened with had become a storey of the man from the arts council kicking my work, and the invigilator in question, told me that as a fact.  i laughed.  the same invigilator told me that the work had been repaired, as it had to be that way, it was better for the aesthetics.  seems a possible futures for the work in the gallery is to be compelled to be compliant because that’s the way that it has to be because the gallery needs it to be so.  what ever happened to someone talking to me, the person responsible for making the work to ask me what i want?   i didn’t expect a possible futures for the piece like this, however i am finding it fascinating that it is occurring.

more on that storey as it occurs.  please feel free to ask for more details.  i have a mobile phone equipped reporter dispatched to record the developments.

in other news…

stories of a sacking turn out to be incorrect.  the long serving worker was deemed to be working for a department that was no longer required as a department, so the department was reformed.  the said long serving worker was then working for a newly made department that subsequently was deemed unnecessary and so the newly appointed worker in the new department that didn’t exist any more was redundant, as there was no new department any more.

and finally the weather.

the fine weather will turn cloudy with possible storms on the horizon.

# 21 [7 May 2010]

opening night. 

the result of my conversation is on show, what of the conversations it has with it's viewer's ? 

i have to be patient.

what of the videoed interview?

i'll wait and see if they approach me.

it's been a long journey and from which i am tired.

# 20 [6 May 2010]

today i'm feeling flat, uncertain and not really sure what to do.

needless to say i finished installing my work yesterday.  the process of completing being more enjoyable than the completion.  that's of today for sure.

i'm tired and my hauntings in the back of my physche are awake, somehow like an anti angel.

moments like these are interesting as i require face to face communication to be able to relax and be assured that in this moment all is safe.  these moments are interesting as i turn to a blog to record my thoughts, even though my blog has a history of little or no interaction with it.  that lack of interaction is a concern of mine.  interlectually i know that i'm simply writing stuff that is not attracting comments, emotionally it is draining as it taps negative energy within me left there some years ago unbeknowst to the person leaving it. 

at this time of great triumph and optimisim inside i feel exhausted and tearful, if truth be told.

i got bored yesterday waiting for the power to be connected for my piece, i took some pictures, played with the space and the light available.  i've played some more and added six images to my facebook page. 

interacting with my online community feels easy to do however is kin to a one way conversation, i'm talking and there is no response, which fuels doubt in my ability to make anything, which fuels other thoughts.

being critical.  is that referring to the way one views one's work and thus informs the work one makes ie getting beyond the parent response to the child's drawing of 'oh that's lovely'  is being more critical addressing the the balance from a parent child to an adult adult balance?  if no one knows what this being critical is, how on earth can it be taken on board and used for the better?

# 19 [4 May 2010]

back into the rigours of the gallery again today.  i've had the last three days off.  needed it after the two days spent in the gallery.

i'm still sitting with the word critical.  the longer that there is no feedback, the more inclined i am to go with the results of my own research.  streuth does that sound like a threat?  it's not a threat, however i've thought it possible to read as a threat and as such it's possible and oh no, i wouldn't want to do anything to pose a threat.

my research continues while slaving away in a hot gallery to finish the work ready for the appreciative audience on friday.  does amuse me that there appears to be three streams of invitation happening for the preview event, what could possibly go wrong on the nite ?

ps i've got an embed video box on this page...cool will have to think about some video to upload...

# 18 [28 April 2010]

i am aware of my quite poor blog keeping.  i am envious of alex's blog, it reads really well and i am drawn into his world. 

i've been asked to do an interview. 

thing is, just how far do i want the world to enter my world ?  how far am i prepared to go in telling the world what i am doing?  i'm in agreement with duffy and hemsworth that the work is the statement, and ultimatley, according to hemsworth the rest is bullshit.  if the rest is bullshit, why is there so much emphasis on talking about the work?  is it some sort of general lack of getting visual communication and thus it has to be backed up by traditional words, a kind of keeping an eye on the subversives.  making sure that what the visual statement says isn't too questioning and pushing the ideals of people too much.

i wonder if art as a service to the public is in danger of becoming very safe and fluffy and purely entertaining as we wouldn't want to upset or offend the public, for they might not attend our show of our art.

gormley spoke about testing what it is to be human.  what actually is it to be human?  how many of us are able to truely individually say what being human is? asking questions seems to be the important thing, it's something that is a function of intelligence and i think we are the most intelligent animal on the planet, so someone will offer an answer.  answers to what though?  questions set up by individuals we may never meet yet they have an affect on us.  what happens when we can ask a question, do we ask it, or are we quiet as we spend so long being quiet.

if one meets a succession of people, how long before the pattern of quietness ness is noticed and the next time a meeting occurs, the silence is challenged by asking a question.

i was raised in a manner that has left me in a questionable position, i think i have to maintain questions, so i can ask questions of others.

and finally is a question the beginning of a conversation.  if more questions were asked...would there be more conversations.