DEGREES UNEDITED

# 1 [31 August 2010]

In two weeks time, I will officially be a 'third year'. How mad is that?!

We have been asked over summer to write a draft of our dissertation. Unfortunately, due to a recent house move (with the new house needing serious redecoration) and my decision not to book any form of childcare for either of my children over the entire summer, I have had little time to do any actual writing. At the rate I am going, I shall have a lovely long bibliography but a teeny tiny word count. I am trying not to stress out over this...

# 2 [16 September 2010]

The third and final year has started... I had been worrying about feeling rather unprepared, but after a tutorial, and meeting up with my fellow students, I'm feeling so much more positive and can’t wait to get started on some studio work.

My previous work has mostly fallen into 2 categories; 3D papier-mâché ‘boxes’ that were layered with fragments of text, images, found materials, and lo-fi stop motion animations, both of which explored reconstructing narratives within old memories and dreams. I am now beginning work on combining the two to create a layered structure that contains screens for animations. I am also thinking about involving some sort of mechanical process - perhaps automata style - but have no technical experience of this so some further research is needed...

Since this is my final year, I really want to get the most out of the facilities that the college has to offer, and to push myself to try out ideas that I might have shied away from over the previous two years. Exciting stuff.

# 3 [28 September 2010]

"...what is the point of mining the past if not to tell us something significant and potentially useful about the present, and to allow us to realize our roles as agents within it?"

(Vivian Rehberg, "Shock of the Old: What can the past do for the present?", p.19 Frieze Oct 2010)

Although this was written in a slightly different context (mining art history rather than personal history), I have been thinking about it all day. I feel it is applicable to my own practice, in which I am constantly looking back into my memories of childhood; what is the point of mining my own past unless it can tell me "something significant and potentially useful" about my present? Furthermore, how can I ensure that the outcomes I produce from "mining" my past will be interesting and/or relevant to the viewer? Should my work aim to tell the viewer "something significant and potentially useful"? I need to keep these questions in mind whilst planning my work.

# 4 [12 October 2010]

The dissertation is taking shape - hoorah. There’s a lot of words now but I need to spend some time reorganising some of it. Despite what I thought was meticulous section planning, I think I may have gone off on a few too many tangents... 

At college, we have been experiencing the same frustrations as the past two years - all technology/computer related (and the fact that nothing seems to work as it should). Thankfully, everything seems to be sorted now, and I am getting to grips with using Premiere to animate a sequence of chalk drawings. This is intended as a ‘test’ animation (before attempting a longer version) although I had not anticipated it to be so time consuming. 

I have several other ideas buzzing around, but am very conscious of the pressure to produce ‘good stuff’ now that I’m in the final year (whatever ‘good’ means... ) and it seems to be making me nervous. I’m full of self-doubt at the moment.

On a positive note, I'm going to Frieze for the first time on Thursday - I'm intrigued as to what it will be like. If I have enough time, I'd really like to go to 'The Future Can Wait' in Shoreditch too, but that might be pushing it.. I need to be home in time to pick my boys up from after-school club! 

# 5 [18 October 2010]

Frieze art fair was completely mad. There was so much to see... I woke up the next day with what felt like an art hangover. I’m really glad I went to have a look, and there were several works that really inspired me (and many, many more that left me completely baffled!). I enjoyed just milling around, dipping in and out of the spaces that caught my attention, and so for me it was totally worth it (although the amount of money that some people have to spend was an eye opener too).

I feel like my ideas for practical work are changing all the time and I don’t have enough time to try them all out... I guess this is a case of being more selective about which paths to go down.

My ideas regarding memories have evolved into an exploration of what happens to thoughts and memories after death; this has led to looking at the cycle of life (this is where the “cells” animation comes in) and an interest in microcosmic/macrocosmic structures.

I've been pretty busy collecting things; I picked up some great vintage books from Oxfam (a 1940s midwifery handbook and some gorgeous illustrated children’s books) and have been rummaging through my mum’s box of old photographs for some image sources. I’ve ordered a microscope, which I am hoping to use to enlarge things (obviously!) for using as starting points for some drawings (I'm hoping it works ok... it's only a children's 'toy' one - I thought my boys could have it when I've done!). I've also bought an old 'View Master' off eBay, which I plan on making some reels for, using my own drawings - I thought this would be an intimate, novel way for the viewers to look at my work. It's probably been done before, but nevermind. I like its instant connection to childhood, and how the viewer is completely visually immersed in the image. Also, potentially, it could be like a really slowed down version of the stop motion animation I've been working on. I've found a website that shows you how to make your own DIY reels so I'll be having a go at that!

In my mind, I am still planing on creating the layered structures that I discussed in my first post - I am just working on the individual layers at the moment. The plan is for it to all come together in the one structure. Not sure how yet.

# 6 [27 October 2010]

It’s half term, which means no college for me but also means my boys aren’t at school (which equals mayhem at home!). I have been trying to get on with some painting/creating during the day, dipping in and out of it when I get a chance, and have been saving the dissertation for night time when it’s quiet (although I’m not totally convinced I’m at my most coherent at 11.30pm).

I’ve been working on some small canvases, experimenting with some mixed media (acrylic, pen, pencil, collaged photograph (scanned, not original) and white cotton... and a little bit of chalk). I’m playing around with some ideas about the relationships between our scientific, biological side (our physicality, mortality and genetics) and our emotional, spiritual elements (memories, religion, soul etc). Getting a bit deep and meaningful. 

I had a tutorial with my tutor last week, which was really helpful to clarify some of the ideas I’ve been thinking about, and to give me the confidence to go ahead with them. I think I’ve been holding back a bit for fear of doing something ‘wrong’ but I guess you just have to accept that while some ideas will work, others won’t, but rather they might help you figure out a way of doing something different. So I need to stop worrying about things and just do them.

# 7 [10 November 2010]

The past couple of weeks have been a little dissertation-heavy, but the first draft has been handed in now so I can breathe a temporary sigh of relief and concentrate mainly on my studio practice for a while. I still feel as though I’m struggling a bit with my life/degree balance... there’s so much I want to do, but I feel like I’m always fighting to find the time to do it all. Prioritisation is needed! 

I have been playing with my View-Master, making some DIY reels with images based on my “cells” stop motion animation (still a work in progress). It turns out that making these reels was slightly more problematic than anticipated - but I’m currently working on making the images look 3D, and also experimenting with different ways of creating the images. Future plans involve having a go at modifying the View-Master to hold digital photo frames - I like the idea of a lo-tech/hi-tech combo, and feel it fits in well with the spirit/science theme I’m exploring. 

Alongside the View-Master work, I am drawing up some plans for layered structures incorporating animations played on miniature screens (building on some work from last semester). These will be following the same themes, exploring the relationship between the spiritual self (thoughts, memories, emotions etc) and the biological, scientific components that make our physical form.

# 8 [19 November 2010]

Disaster has struck! My short experimental animations have somehow vanished off the college computer network. And of course, I hadn’t backed them up. I had hoped that the IT man would be able to retrieve them from wherever they’ve gone, but after trying for quite a while, he had to admit defeat. This is frustrating beyond words, but rather then dwell on what I’ve lost, I’ve tried to focus on redoing the animations. Thankfully, I still have the photographs that were used to make them - if I’d lost those too, I would definitely have cried. Lesson learnt: BACK UP ALL MY FILES (and then back them up again).

I’m still working on a few canvases in between other things. I often worry that my work is too “safe”. But yesterday, we went as a college group to the British Art Show in Nottingham, which served as a reminder that really, anything can be “Art”. I have an undying love for illustration and narrative, so it pleased me to see several illustrative portrait works (ironically illustrative?!). I also loved some of the video pieces - Christian Marclay’s ‘The Clock’ and Elizabeth Price’s ‘User Group Disco (Hall of Sculptures)’. 

Here's the first “cells” stop motion animation (mark II), made using chalk. I have a small MP4 player to play the looped animation on, which will be embedded within a larger mixed media piece of work (still under construction). The plan is to have several different screens playing short animations within the same work. 

# 9 [30 November 2010]

December really does need a few more days in it. Family/home life is so busy at the moment and I really don't know how I'm going to fit in any coursework, unless I give up sleeping. I can feel myself starting to panic, but I'm aware that's not going to help... just need to get on with it and do the best I can with the little time I have.

I started some larger canvases but they are frustrating me, so have decided to take a break from them, with the plan to return to them later. I think (other than finishing the final draft of my dissertation - deadline is December 10th, which with fantastic timing is also my youngest son's birthday), my energies need to be focused towards one project at a time. I do have a habit of starting several things at once and then not knowing which to give my attention to. Since the canvases are giving me grief, I'm planning on focusing on some layered structures. I'm excited about getting stuck into making them, so I'm pretty sure this is the right path to choose. I'll hopefully have some progress pics to post soon!

# 10 [6 December 2010]

This week is all about finishing the 2nd draft of the dissertation, ready to be handed in on Friday. At college, we are also getting ready to do presentations to our peer group, and a mentoring session, where we pass on any advice, tips and general wisdom (!) to the second year students.

One of the features of studying at a small college is that there's only 8 of us on the entire course (we have no first years, and the course will probably be cut after next year due to Lincoln wanting all their places back because of government funding cuts - it's all really depressing). The plus side of being such a tiny group is that we have plenty of one-to-one time with our tutors, but sometimes I do wish there were a few more people to bounce ideas off (my fellow students are lovely though!!). While we do tend to discuss our practice regularly with each other, the peer presentations will give us the chance to have a more structured discussion about our work.

I'm still working on my layered structures, and have just finished this small mixed media canvas. I desperately want to create more work but am being sidetracked by the need to make nativity costumes and birthday cakes. If only I could incorporate them into my practice somehow...