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I have decided to do some V-logging in YouTube, on top of all my blogs. This is proving to be very soul-bearing at the moment as I am going through an absolute low with my Bipolar Disorder. Its horrendous the situation I have in not being given help. The reason I believe is because I am so high functioning compared to many mentally ill people, I need extra support to get to where I want to be work and health wise.

The issue many folk don’t get is that ill health like flu or infection you can get over with the aid of your immune system, it attacks your system so much you cannot lift a finger. Well mental illness is a bit like that, your whole body is under attack, and just like flu there is a death rate.

On Friday I felt so depressed I was planning to kill myself.  I hit rock-bottom. And in fact I realised that on the way to the Doctors surgery that there was something greater keeping me going, not sure exactly what it may be, it does seem to spur me to carry on going. I like to think it is my faith in Christ.

Watching v-logs and blogs by Zoella who is a prolific teen-appeal, commercial diarist and her style of writing in her books is particularly open and particularly happy. I like that a lot. Not everyone is happy all the time, neither is anyone depressed in every moment of the day. I do wonder whom my v-logging will pertain to. In lots of ways there are many people who create art works within a certain frame work and defined measure. In my practice it is about admitting or not admitting something. Recently I attended a Pacitti Company Library Reading day at their Think Tank. It made me reflect upon one of the books’ works on reflecting on ‘Receptiveness’ from which this v-logging has come from. The challenge, when I have enough followers will be to invite questions and respond.

So that is my challenge digitally.

This is my challenge in real time:

I aim to complete the Arts Building Book, all the images I have are established in the documentation and soon it will be ready for the UCS team to be involved and sponsors. And on my own writing I have begun the timeline for the auto biographical How Benefit Gal Works which is documenting my time from psychosis and the utter hell and the amazing journeys I have been along which have led to me being where I am now. I hope to have them both published and sell loads of them!!! well that may be possible, just get it out there.

Coming up is a long awaited collaboration with a friend who I know through my time in UCS and I am looking into ACE funding so that we can both have support throughout the process due to our disabilities. The SPILL Festival Tool Kit has proven very helpful in planning and organising ready for the work to be made.

Please take a look at my video and keep posted on all my blogging!!