i spend alot of time looking out the window while i sit and compose my posts. for the most part the posts are reflective about the last few days or maybe the week.
this morning as i prepare to go back to work at the museum i have some time to sit, watch the world go by, listen to pete tong from last night and attempt to collect recent thoughts about the things that make me feel good even though i don’t really know why.
sound plays a big part in how i enjoy the world around me. losing the perception of low frequencies in my left ear jolted me and left me isolated from myself before the infection.
over time i’ve accepted this and learnt to appreciate how i hear now.
i’m drawn to creating sound and drawn to doing something with sound. the snee snaw creates a sound track in response to the actions of the participants and i have found this to be universally enjoyed. so working on another iteration of that work is a really good thing for me.
it does however leave me with a feeling inside of wanting to do something more – something else.
the dilema i have is that hearing is a very defined entity – it follows other actions – and i’m aware that if i were totally deaf this previous statement would read differently.
there’s something in me that walks towards antithesis – it’s deep inside me, can’t explain it – makes me feel good.
i look out the window and wonder if antithesis is an intellectual response to rejection.
so in thinking about something sound / noise / auditory focused i have to stop myself for a moment. i am aware of the aspect of my personality that rails against aspects of what i believe in in my practice. in thinking about a potential piece of work – i find myself jumping to the how might i display / share what i’m about to make.
this is an ok thing to ask however i can see how this takes my focus away from the process of listening to the feeling i have about my relationship with sound and no sound.
in a non musical context the no sound aspects of sound help me to form the emotional relationship to what i can hear.
i would like to explore the relationship of no sound through the setting up of something that is experiential – invites it to be interacted with by myself and or others.
to begin with – note to self – i’m going to find the trust in myself to collect sounds before i know how they will be assembled. comfort zone challenged = tick.
i feel calm having explored the intellectual aspect of the schema feeling i’ve been experiencing this week.
as well as the sound thing – i’m drawn to code and this week it’s been html + css – i’ve been listening to a feeling about webspace, communicating about performances, wanting to play with timeplacespace.net and move that forward in some way.
i’m in a period of spending time in internet searches researching web design techniques. this morning i was taking my grid knowledge to the next level of 2d grid – rows and columns.
not sure what i’ll do with the information – i’ve also been spending alot of time window shopping for html templates on themeforest.net
if i were a graphic designer or fashion photographer i would be amicably over catered for in terms of portfolio html templates or wordpress themes. as i’m a multidisciplinary practitioner with a penchant for diversity of interests i fond there’s no quick solution for me.
i have to add i’m surprised how helpful it fells to have explored my current thoughts and feelings about the two things i’ve shared with you. the inner unsettlement of feeling has been calmed and i have the benefit of using my writing here in the future in what ever manner might fit.
cue … ” i am what i am ! ” …