hi nick

wow ! what a few weeks it’s been – the what next summit has taken me to places that i probably wouldn’t have experienced without it.

now as the virtual dust settles i’m going to take a moment to reflect with you about the experience.

i didn’t really know what the summit was.  i signed up through a process i found confusing and not very intuitive and i can say now i’m so glad i had the courage to sign up and go with the flow.  it was this same courage and going with the flow that we first connected and i’m so pleased that this is so.

our connecting was a sign of how the summit would connect me to other people at a time when i know connecting with other people is so important for me – so needed for me.

i can’t remember how many sessions i attended.  what i can remember is that i made at least one note from every session i attended.  some i wrote more about than others.  some i listened closer than others.   some i spoke at more than others.

what the summit has helped me to realise is a feeling of where i need to be.  in some of the sessions i attended i did feel like i shouldn’t be there.  as the breakout rooms feature rolled out i was able to speak to the feeling of i’m not sure i should be here.  it gave rise to many discussions and soul searching of those in the room with me.

on the last saturday i was able to make a choice of session that left me feeling – i should be here.

in my note book i have several pages now to pour over and reflect upon.

going forward i will draw on my courage again to reach out and develop those connections made at the summit.

overall i feel so pleased to have ventured out of my comfort zone and engaged with the summit.

keep safe my brother.



happy countdown day everyone.  what are you counting down to ?

the view out the window today is with cloud and an overall grey palette.  warmer brighter days are on their way.

work on the museum of making commission has been progressing well and this week i’ve managed to turn around last weeks feeling of there being no end in sight.  as i begin to transition from having to get sign off from the main contractor to working independently again there is an unsettled feeling – one that has come and gone during the duration of the project.  i continue to embrace it, work with it and carry on regardless.

the conversations i’ve been having on site have been insightful to the process and also at a personal level – we’ve been sharing stories of recent lived experiences.

what else can i say ?

listened to a neurodiversity lecture last night. wow !  hadn’t heard before

when you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person


reflecting upon it, i like the what it’s saying, get it and agree with it.

something i left with was how might mainstream language evolve to embrace the use of neurotypical as opposed to normal – in describing a person.

i see an answer to my question as – through regular use.


countdown day has reminded me of the bird off of tranquility base:

enjoy x



the process of reflection sometimes leads me into the realms of personal history.

this weekend i’ve been spending a lot of time in my head as i process the week and the submitting of the dycp application.

on thursday i felt optimistic and amazing, by saturday lunchtime i felt doubtful and uncertain.

the affect of the lockdown and restrictions to where and what we can do has set up me feeling “mah” as my mood orbits through time.


i feel i’m battling something deep within my psyche when i start to think about the development of my practice.  i see the key word there being think.

note to self, try doing more.

however when trying to do more it triggers the anxiety loop ( as i’m now calling it) that leaves me crippled to make or do.

the programme i put together for dycp is one i feel that will really be helpful for me.  the waiting for a funding decision being something that i expect to be universally understood by those who read the blogs here on a-n.

today i’m aware that acknowledging the inner triggering is the beginning of unpicking it.  i accept it will take a while to complete.

in the meantime i will do what i can, make what i can make, work at what i can work at.




today i’ve added the post to my annual blog.  

it asks my future self many questions.   i reflect it shows where i am, the impact of the pandemic and what’s on my mind too.  i reflect i have some visioning to do.

from somewhere i will draw the energy to climb out of the situation, to begin to thrive again.

for the rest of the day i’ll watch the last hours of eddie izzard’s run for hope .  watching and listening to her endeavour has helped me through this month.


one step at a time now.


it’ll be ok.



hello hello.  feels good today as i’ve reached out to a local project to get involved.  i’ve been brave and spoken about my evolving practice – i’m currently investigating if indeed i practice in a transdisciplinary way.  i’ve linked this to socially engaged – something i do have previous in.  i’ve also started to share more widely my preferred pronouns – they / them.

as the snow falls here in derbyshire i am feeling bouyant as i step outside of what i find comfortable and sit in that space.