Look I can control him as his dog runs amok

Portsmouth 30th April

Wake at 5:42 am fresh from dreams about chalk caves, quarries and escaping rock falls – enclosed growing spaces close in – wake just before crush to find the cat sitting on me.



the latent

unwanted anxiety

Dress walk heat dust and non working traffic signals add interest to the morning attitudes

I purposefully don’t stop to photograph the many objects and patterns on way in unlike yesterday – hurts to walk over potential but

time appears to be slipping away

In at University – Some research today and pictures into PDF format – emailed to the printers – Small expo for the Month of the Brain events at the University this month

Draw and save – import and save – export and don’t save


digital computer

digital computer

digital computer



Images from the blog will be on show along with a playing of part of the recorded ‘Konfirm soundwerk’ derived from MRI scan noise on the 29th May


Morning rush over – break for a walk with 2 minute warning – corronation chicken and bread pudding – eaten by the fountain – goodbyes and return to finalize printing

‘look I can control him’ says the man as his dog runs into the station barking


Computer digital

Computer digital

Computer digital

Computer digital

Computer digital

Computer digital



I need to constantly be reminded of the feel of breaking pencil lead on paper

Portsmouth April 28th

Wake at 5:27 am

Tired after unwittingly freezing my phones screen switching on accessibility just after midnight and the resultant web search to find out how to alleviate the panic – finally done at 12:43…

sleep listening to music on headphones hoping something of the technique will sink in

Note one: Even with the Sun its still cold

Not to well again Friday and yesterday – I did last most of the week but not all the game and missed events yesterday unavoidably. Lots of research on the web and practically with sound software on the Ipad though.


I managed to find an app to create 12 tone matrices – paid – downloaded and tried – then I realised – yes I can print a neat copy or email but I missed drawing the grid and scribbling in pencil the first line – working out the coding – the maths – the reinterpretation of addition – the fear of making a mistake – the joy of correction – I confess to be disappointed by the ease this has all been taken away for just £1:49 – less than a Sunday paper I should have bought maybe….

Digital technology is great but its just another tool – an alternate pen and paper – an alternate voice or colour wheel – i need to feel the process happen – the smudges – the grip different to mouse or touch screen


not made

through interface

I need to feel the breaking of the pencil lead on paper – the spilling of paint – the slippage of rular or brush – note pressed into keybed – the alteration of voltages

for me

this is about feeling alive


‘My Line drawn – end of an era’

Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth

April 26th 2013

Wake 5:28 am and read emails before returning to snooze

the usual tea toast bath dress pack remember routine and another unwritten list

‘things to take in case they are useful’

Today = dual day

SK project meeting at The Arts Catalyst

Cultural Olympiad reflections at the Barbican – Last official event

Train times to London considered – we leave at 9:24 on a remarkably empty train with unusually correct timings – all noted and written for the Look About documented end game.

Bus on arrival – number 243 fast at first then a crawl through Hatton Garden – eventually familiar pink encourages us to ring the bell and alight – ‘Bus stopping’ from a slowness with a jolt

Project meeting and introductions with photographes taken of pattern unseen on last visit

Meeting – time slips past and list recedes into workability – the day – the advertising – the number – the people invitations – order of performance – amalgamations of 3 into 2 – movements – all planned and squared away before a startling leaving.

Narrow manoeuvres in the lightened tunnel lead to the silken registration and book turned fossil treasure

Its over 30 years since I worked as a temp in the Gallery filling in time after University – It was the Asger Jorn exhibition i moved within that informed me to leave the sharks behind and go home to draw. This is the 4th time I have been back.

Meet people seen and new met over the last 5 years of running a Cultural Olympiad project – I have my sociability mask tied with look them in the eyes string firmly in place – I cant slip here – Greetings followed by a series of presentations from Sir Tony Hall, Maria Miller MP, Ruth Mackenzie and lastly Seb Coe


a wonderful non-sectarian plea for the fight to be taken to the treasury to make the ‘case for the value of the arts’ by Tessa Jowell from the floor

seats fold back upright as we stand


A shared comment with aspie joke on the stairs finally fills my limit of ‘the social’ and a need to escape overwhelms me but . . . . . .

I am rememberd

A ‘late escape’ – break again – running round the streets on an imposed errand leads us back for the next set of talks – slightly late

unconformity noted

we find an ‘Impassioned plea for no more silence’ after the opening and closing

then ‘The Cultural Olympiad is over’

and recordedin the note book as a single black line – unremarkable in its drawing

Not for me as the Look About geological map of the CO will be worked on over Summer and launched end September

My sociability mask retrieved from bag firmly placed – we take to the conservatory for beer freed talking and networking

new people

new projects

and a coup

are won

before we run

tinged with resigned sadness



usual seat




lay awake

and consider

the invitation

as the moon

unseen through cloud

darkens with shadows of us


‘manipulation of the there’

Portsmouth April 23rd 2013

Wake 5.22 settling in nicely to early routine again. snooze contemplating the loss in the ‘fire just burning down’ vivid dream while Neighbours kids are bad today – always crying.

At very least my head better today – after the disaster of yesterday

best forgotten

just as I did






lock and leave

The ‘list of the day’ reveals itself on pavements during the gentle but firm walk in to University – unwritten but remembered

a. Sorting admin that’s out of date – slipping away

b. ‘Aspie staring competition’ expression of interest preparation

c. soundcloud editing of detail plus upload

d. Forms – employ-ability and aspergers editing

e. preparing for project meeting later in the week

problem seems to me

Not a load of room for making

Not a load of space for thinking

just ‘manipulation of the there’

hope I have the energy to ‘Last the game’

return home early

Day fulfilled with interest

ideas swim

heat of the moment

scarlet shapers fail

The evening fairs much better – settle after tea to research and practicality – synthesizer on lap – I arrange the altercations between VCO LFO and Filter – with ramp and squares – experimentation of turn and slide – eight fingered repetitions – a discovery of a secret – almost perfect ratcheting – I am happy I have found late in the day

Space for learning

Space for making

all towards the alternative analogue goal – pieces joining and coming together – evolving – presenting itself as the 14th June draws closer and I can say to myself

‘I am catching up’


s e c r e t n u m b e r t w o

Portsmouth 22nd April

unwillingly awakened by vivid dreams 4 nights in a row – exhausted by thoughts and worry

So I sit slumped in the hall and look both ways to the front and side waiting for a social solstice

instead i get




















We forget easy

we forget how lucky we are

we forget how close we came

I have Spent a few days distracted from the essence of the project – a habituated hiatus – need – writing about the process for the REF at university plus some physical prototyping where I am Making and adding to the 5th ‘case’ – which leads to a telling – a letting go of secret number: Artifact 3

Artifact 1: – Konfirmation

Artifact 2: –

Artifact 3: A contemporary piece of serialism – music – derived from the workings of the project – premiered in London June 14th 2013

Artifact 4: –

Artifact 5: –

The complication

the detail

the bigger picture at the core


always in sight but never climbed



written upon a wall

right to left

left to right –

retrograde patterns

collected and described

forcibly pinned within

the book of life

by a Victorian collector of butterflies

colour dims

strangely as all life

fades to grey

leaving ant eaten laced wings and spoil


take me

take me

by the hand

and spin


times in a row

till I am clean

and ready to follow

digital vs analogue – Completed piece will also be available to listen – here