‘Your difficulty’s dont define you’

Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth

November 11th

Today I am taking part in the Debate at DYSPLA – Camden Peoples Theatre: Dyslexia a help or hindrance?


An easy answer that wont make a long or interesting blog post is – people and social imposition is the hindrance – but im not going to leave it there – I’m often asked if I hadn’t been dyslexic what would I be doing – I’m going to swap dyslexia for Neurodiverse so it covers my autism too as that’s an integral part of my thinking and process – for creative thinking as an artist whatever that means I find it invaluable…..

Yes I was abused at school and maybe just maybe I would have had an easier time of it but that’s not what counts – yes its been difficult because of the effect years of bullying had on me at school and after – yes it did contribute to me becoming a ‘broken person’ in regards to self confidence but it also made me stronger in others.

Now I make ‘because’ not ‘despite’


A long day – awake at 5am but didn’t get up till 7 as OH taken unwell – sorting her out to doctors left me late for heading into work – no problem there – in first proper day with new support – welcome.

emails – systemizing – confidence raised – meetings – involved – encouraged – it’s not that hard to accommodate neurodiversity in the workplace

Walk home and notice all traces of the tree have gone except for sawdust – all smoothed over – you would never have known

tear repair

Home – eat – prepare

Time for the train

sit with headphones on and scribble words

it rains

it gets dark

its the slow train

at last an arrival snack

‘After-hours’ underground train is good for my personal space and Warren St station usually not exited on the change towards Cambridge is left behind into the rain – head to Theatre just across the road interchange


talk – meet – drink

but unable to have any of the wonderful looking food due to ‘killer allergy’

Chat with fellow debaters – BP a dyslexic artist who ironically was talking later in the day at Cheltenham Science Festival the day I met SBC.

I need to talk 15 minutes – but what should I do? The same talk I give a variation or just do something different – ‘in the moment’ I decide I will do something ‘opposite’ instead – no pictures – an off the cuff performance – Neurodiverve or neuroperverse!



1 speaker

2 speaker


start not as artist but as anti-artist who by a fluke of genetics is not dyslexic – list all the things I never did as I had the ‘bestest’ most perfect time at school

‘never gifted

with dyslexia

by a quirk

of fate

his life was 2D linear

finger pinch


there was no

life rollercoaster’

its over


lights up

too quick


trains a mess



to leave

early – disappointment

head towards Warren St

down on the platform I am


by the granite

it sounds good

fast train home

last train home

without a bus journey


winding down

in quietness


which bit of me


can be


and which


but the percentage


every time I check

light out


‘For a loner rare artist conversation makes a good day’

Portsmouth – Eastleigh – Portsmouth

7th November 2013

An ‘extra’ early morning awakened ‘fear fest’ is calmed by email from New York – A big hello – cheers me

Reviews good – a brilliant Puck




its been

a difficult


so far

Still distracted by sad news heard yesterday

I sit and think about the day to come and realize I need to talk to the chair of the event later so ring – good chat which also ‘Konfirms’ what I need to say.

Train to Eastleigh

Seated, I watch the rail side for ferns and think of trips during the Cultural Olympiad last year

then fresh air – a brief walk on arrival to the venue and made welcome – a great space


Tonight its their first Artists Question Time event and for once I am last on the running order – always first at school with a name like Adams.

Four artists ‘routes to market’ – Chaired by Ellen O’Hara from Cockpit Arts.


Soon the room fills to capacity and as we get ready I doodle ‘Birds and Stones’ – the event starts – I listen – I learn myself – then one – two – three – then me – we each have a generous 30 mins and 4 slides only sharpens the angles we talk about

I talk total route from school to ‘Konfirmation’

I show the following four images:

1. ‘Redacted school report’ – shown at Pallant House Gallery in 2009

2. An Illustration of Roman Jerusalem from 2003 book commission

3. Copper map of Cornish Granite – bought by John Creasey Collection in 2006/7

4. Brain image from ‘Konfirm’ project 2013


Questions afterwards

and as the room disperses

smaller but relevant conversations

We 4 leave for the station in the dark – wait on same 2 platforms – I am 3rd to catch a train

review – learn – think – adapt on the way back

For me rare conversations with artists are rich treasure – for a loner it was a good day in the end


Noise and whispers exhibition at GV Art

Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth

November 5th

The day starts well enough although the cat sits on me from 4am – this is a distractingly regular occurrence.

OH has day off so no alarms at 6am so a rare sleep in till 8 – cats then extort breakfast.

Check CD players and CD’s burnt yesterday – unfortunately as the CD finishes there is a burst of noise – not the sort of noise I want or even in the right place to be ‘part’ of the noise artwork itself – I dress over shorts and head to university to replace files – walking past the tree still laying prostrate like a compass facing away from the winds direction – all the leave dry and silvered – make CDs and walk back – test – still the same – one option – I use usual software and laptop at home – success they play fine and are better quality –

Bad news in the post – there are tears shed

my installation CD player display plays up so pack a newer smarter player instead – late bath – attempt to de-stress badly ready to catch train to London to deliver too

Noise and Whispers

GV Art Gallery London

I have 4 sound works burnt on to the CD – 3 are from the Konfirm project – made from the fMRI scanner noise – samples thru granular synthesis and played and the 4th a ‘private’ work made the same way but the source is more ‘human’ in nature – ‘Le petit mort’ – all made in a very synaesthetic way – felt and sculpted – shaped – an example of positive autistic mind wiring up – characteristics put to use

at the last minute bad news in an email – there are tears shed

The train

Sit in usual single seat angry – lunchtime train so not busy – frustrated by the patchy ‘radio’ dead zone between Havant and Guildford as I try to tweet with ‘issues’ arising – I write watching

Low swoop


Horse mane


Pine wood


Oak stooped


Now you all



I told you so

Guildford 2 get on and sit in row in-front – his coat smells appalling – sensory overload – oil – overwhelming – pull headphones on tighter to no avail – headache brought on by the smell gathers on top of the stressed pain I carry with me.

Here at Waterloo now to brave the underground

Bakerloo line too

Baker street


quite complete

Into daylight – short walk and here – in – recognized – hello’s – shown spot to set up – unwrap – powered – test play – gifted headphones – low drone – action score – projection – looks a good show – all set up celebrate with a grand cup of tea and conversations – joyful place


I say goodbye

annoyed in some way that I am unable to attend the preview Thursday – leave for underground – play with ‘bus thoughts’ but reject and head to Waterloo – train at 6 pm

Bad news by text – bad news as I look in email – there are tears shed

Train leaves but carries my panic with me

part way home a relief solution




Be free

Watch the BBC4 – Challenging Behaviors program on ABA and autism – get quite distressed – some will stay with me – normalizing the autistic way of thinking is medieval

i write

I tweet and get many RT’s

touches a nerve

Train me

Like a dog

for treats

Make me


in your eyes

Take away

my difference

To please

your conscience

tell me your lies

unable to sleep

stressed by these attitudes of changing – fixing – normalizing autistic thinking – having personal experiences and all the tears today – lay awake till 4:12am

brief tea relief

at 2:45 plan a synthesizer layout before returning to attempt fragments of rest