with everything i’m doing within my little an often covid-19 strategy, the stopping to reflect part has of late been something i’ve let slip a little.

i am keeping daily notes for any potential report / evaluation needed by the arts council at the end of the project – these are great for also tracking the time spent so far.

so with an edit complete and newly uploaded to you tube ( see link at bottom ) i can stop for a few moments to reflect about prism.

it’s origins are within the rave culture of the early 90’s.  at the time i worked as part of the full time road crew for a hertfordshire laser company.  last time i looked it was still trading.  i take a moment to think of mark who sadly passed – he was the driving force and owner behind the company while i worked for it.

the senario at the time was after financial crash, all the money that had been in corporate communication had disappeared, so to survive the company adapted to servicing the needs of the emerging rave promotions company.  there’s a whole other story for another time.

stepping forward in time to after my graduation, the feeling i used to get while operating at a rave was something like nothing else i experienced and  so for many years hankered after some way of experiencing it again.   each time i attempted – i failed.  something was getting in the way.

evening of 23.3.20 and something lit up for me.


somehow graham had hit the zeitgeist on the nose and began to stream a weekly live mix.  i can’t fully remember everything that happened as a result of watching / listening – as a result i found myself again trying to answer the question of can i make something from what i have to realise the need to feel that in the moment connection.


i’ve written else where of how i needed to get help from the emergency fund – with a successful application has come time to grapple with my feelings towards up dating an old feeling.


it’s been frought with problems – technical and personal.


the personal ones relate to the feelings of is this just a little cheesey? –  what i’m trying to do.  in some way the struggle to create this work maps my own struggle from deciding to alter what i did to attempting to maintain what i do.

when i research the work i have multiple throught streams that are all requiring to be resolved and made good.

back in the day what was turn up, rig, operate, breakdown go home has become more intense and with more questions.  the thing is though that in those odd moments when what i see syncopates with what i hear – i get the feeling.  i want that feeling more and more and when i don’t experience it i become grumpy and self destroying – frustrated about wanting to do better.  (hello dsylexic self).

so i’m being open here and this is something that in researching this work i’m having to be more and more with myself as i challenge what i think i know about what it is i’m trying to create.

it’s more than simply recreating something from a long time ago.  i say that and the follow up sentence is still being worked out through the research.


in the research i’ve done so far i am beginning to see aspects of what i think it is i am wanting to create.

there is a very basic consideration that i am slowly working through.    in the original format what i saw on screen was output via a laser – the simple shapes being projected through space and made visible by the dust, smoke or water in the air.  i say water – longleat rave, outdoor, 20 watt argon projecting into the rain – i was told it looked spectacular!   i digress!

so yes what i looked at was different for the audience.  in this current form where it’s only the screen of the device we’re in front of – fundamental difference that i am at some point going to need to address.  is it more (in some way) working in the realm of digital visual culture?



what have i learnt so far ?

working alone with the occasional conversation and an informal weekly meeting point online has given some grounding that i wanted to find in making this work.  the emerging conversations with graham (dj behind th einclusion mixes) are really wonderful and if you’re reading this graham thank you for your comments and support of what i’m attempting to create.  i’ve enjoyed being part of the journey you’ve been on and i hope you’re rightly proud of what you’ve achieved through this series of mixes.

i’ve learnt of myself that at times i’m more happy to concentrate on how i solve a “how to control?” question rather than a “what might this look like?” question.  this is fundamental to the heart of my inner angst -about how i’ve moved position on why i’m doing what i do.  i suspect there are deeper corners of why i feel so uneasy – fortunately this evening is the monthly mens circle meeting and at it i might well speak more openly about this subject.

musical genre – i’m not sure where i resonate with this.  for now i listen to as much as i can and maybe i need to start to make notes about what it is i’m listening to and how it affects me and what i create.  the question is set – is this work dynamic enough to be able to cope with a wide dynamic range of music ?  the baseline is we’re in the sphere of edm.

i have been hung up on how to control the fx.  it’s something that is continuing to be researched.

last night i made a step forward.  in the edit below the step can be seen towards the end of the video.  it’s helped me to begin to answer the questions set by this work being screen based and how might it be scaled up and enjoyed by others.

researching this work has at times made me feel uncomfortable, as it asks of me questions i can’t immediately answer.  i sense in me a need to be relaxed with where in the process i am.  my memories of the laser based work include moments of raves that occurred after months of effects development and practice.  i am in effect trying to compare two very unlike physical entities.

and most importantly there’s the re-contextualisation of the act of pressing buttons to trigger fx in time to music.  i am aware that i am working to place that act into a different context with more importance placed upon it than was felt at the time.  it annoyed me greatly in the 90’s that i didn’t achieve more widespread acknowledgement for what i did – yes i felt i was that good.  now years later in an ever increasingly crowded world i am trying to set myself up for something – don’t know what that is and to be honest all the factors are against me – all the more reason to keep at the research to see where this might take me and those that in the future might view what i do.