It’s challenging maintaining momentum over a month long residency it seems. The uncertainty about why I’m making what I’m making creeps in and as this is not a residential residency like I’ve done before, I’m still interrupted by real life. I’d thought being home based and travelling would be easier for family and me to deal with – less to organise etc – but it means a daily back to basics occurs and thought patterns and obsessive work are interrupted. Or maybe I am looking for excusses.
I realise my obsessive making and thought processes make it difficult for me to balance things out and share my life with others whilst I’m so involved in what I’m doing. The research in the lead up to the residency meant I had planned out some ideas and so I’m keen to see those through. Although of course those ideas are changing as I work on them and what I’m doing each day is becoming in some ways more familiar and others more strange. It seems I’m making 3 strands of work (plus another bubbling away in the background!) and they’re all clearly to do with process, ritual, repetition, learning, things that are changing in my life, things I can’t hold on to – a need for familiar things – a need for comfort. I’m finding the work intriguing and it’s unsettling me that it’s becoming something I didn’t invisage and I also still don’t know how or where I will put this work when we exhibit at the end of the month…….it’s nature is changing. I will keep making and trust the process – it’s an adventure with rules, conversations and an unknown future
First feel sure of idea then the execution will be easier
Eva Hesse – Drawing By M. Catherine de Zegher