’ve been annoyed today, waiting for call backs about information to do with the snee snaw project. intellectually i know that i’m probably one of ten people waiting for a call back about something. it still doesn’t help me overcome the wanting to know what the details are of the to be had telephone conversation.

i guess there’s an inherent risk in producing something that in part has a reliance on other’s input to help realise the whole. i can only guess about things, until i get the calls.

so i’ve been thinking about what next. what next after the snee snaw ?

a big question and not on easily answered. i feel i yearn for being in a group that has a common interest and goal, like the theatre stuff. i’d like my creativity to be more than my own response of thoughts about something. considering the development of the artist over the last hundred years, in terms of awareness of being and self, i wonder if all the bases have been covered, so what is there left for the artist to discover ?

i’ve made an initial call about research opportuities this afternoon. i left a message so ironically i wait for a call back. thing is this call back is not time critical, if i don’t get a reply for a week, that’s no an issue as the call is related to the future, not of now.

i wonder if my path, my creative, inventive path, has yet to be fully realised, well laid to follow if the analogy is to be adhered to. i am aware that part of the path’s inception could be responding to an opportunity in front of me. i wonder if i’ve done that enough now, and now is time to follow the research dream.

i use dream…is it ?

i remember joking when i started my lower sixth for the second time that maybe i could stay in education until i was 30. unfortunately the plan had a wheel fall off at the first bump, a level results, good but not good enough for what i had a place for. that really hurt at the time. little did i know about my dyslexia. yes i do occasionally wonder what might have been. great thing is that what i did instead was interesting and fun for different reasons.

i take comfort from the situation that at the start of the snee snaw paroject i am thinking about beyond it. a year ago i did not have clarity of future. it’s not fully clear now, however i do have somthing to try to squint my eyes at to see. i do have the confidence in myself to attempt the conversations, to see where they lead, to go with my own flow.

this is a process that is ongoing, it always will be and always has been. i’m now more aware and connected to it that i ever have been.

i have enough awareness to attempt that conversation with a research professional, and in the mean time i might just get to talk to those other professionals with whom i need to talk for the snee snaw to continue on it’s way.

i attach a video that i have found claiming to be one particular future. bold words.