professional development

i forget to be proud of what i’ve acheived.

this was a realisation while walking to the shop this morning to buy more milk for coffee.

i quickly mused about adding a blog post.

my realisation came from connecting with an old work colleague on linkedin. i was pleased to see that he had started lecturing 3 years ago as well as doing the stuff that i knew him for 14 years ago. what if he looked at my profile? i’ve acheived a lot, although i’m aware that within me is a resonance that struggles to find harmonics around me.

when harmonics are found however, they are strong.

i’m also aware that while on the move, the harmonics i seek are blurry.

while i feel strong this doesn’t matter to me very much but i soon become weak and my mental agility is tested greatly and all feels dark. i reach for something to enlighten and the sequence begins again.

so why was the colleague’s lecturing so important? because it resonates with my need to be developing, evolving, learning.

something i’ve learnt recently is i’m not arthur pita. sounds an obvious thing but i didn’t know this until i saw work by him. in being aware of not being arthur pita, i see that i do not have his connections, skill and vision. i do however have my own skill vision and connections and with those can be playful and enjoy myself. this again sounds easy, however within me i carry subconscious constructs that challenge my ability to be me in my playful self.

in being playful and myself, it requires me to be courageous and brave to ignore the inner feelings eminating from the construct that i shouldn’t be doing this.

there’s only one way for me to break through this and that is to be playful, to do things / make things that i enjoy and make me feel good.

my personal development is more important than the professional construct.

may be what i see now is that my personal development is my professional development with a defining characteristic being that my professional development is defined by money.

i have a plan for personal development that leads me to money. i over look this at times as at times i maybe forget the self belieft that i can do it.

when i look at what i’ve achieved since graduating i see that i should believe in myself (despite all the disabling factors ) and work towards acheiving that that i want to acheive … … … as i can do it.

within this video is a reference to the asch conformity experiment.

17th august 2011 i blogged about a rejection of an exhibition proposal.

a year later, that same proposal recieves this email

“Hi Andrew

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you but time has not been on my side this year!!

I’m really intrigued by your application and wondered if it might be best to meet up on site one day so you could have a look around.

Your Proposal 1 – alignment: a box of rejection, sounds very interested but would you have the time now to put something like this together? “

it appears that the application from last year remained on the system and became a submission again this year.

i told a friend about it. her remark was

“shows just how subjective it all is “

(after speaking with the chap, he sounded interested but never got back to me. i’ve been acheived being not accepted twice with the same proposal. something somewhere is telling me something)

this morning i have accepted my conditional offer of a place on an ma in art therapy for enrolment in septmeber 2013.

my condition is to pass a second interview where i can demonstrate some wider reading about the subject.

i see this as the next stgae of my continung development.

i am looking forward to how my practice evolves and how i might combine my mark making with digital technolgy and what has been written about the use of digital technolgy and therapy.

for the record i have felt the fear and have gone through it to make the email happen this morning.

i reside to cathart.

my blog entry is intended as cartharthis and point of reference for something yet to come.

an interview was yesterday. today i reflect after telling a friend about the expereince that i actually did quite poorly at the interview. i could have done better but my inadequacy overwhelmed my capability in the moment when it mattered. the interview is not for a job but a course of academic study.

my disappointment sits heavily today.

as i arrived at the place to reside, i noted all the voices along the way. as well as my disappoinement i carry with me a yearning to listen to something interesting, something fresh, something that has an ability to rise above a certain plane.

i’m hopeful.

marking the passing.

i’ve finished my aa2a residency. i’ve taken great pleasure in rounding of my profile, intentionally so that possible future views read something that has a completed nature to it.

i was unsure about the aa2a scheme at times.

having now completed and reflected upon it i can say i benefited from being on the scheme. i’m pleased to have been part of the scheme and it has helped with my professional development.