well – my last post was a bit dramatic ! i wasn’t feeling too good. i’m recovering from a self diagnosed vitamin d deficiency and there is a possiblity of something else as yet undiagnosed.
my previous post caught the moment – a moment of knowing i need to address an imbalance of work i’m making for myself, or at least sourced from myself.
there are currently two aspects to this imbalance – i mean two trains of thought that are on going yet currently not being regularly talked about.
the being involved with something yet not regularly talking about them is a feature of two opportunities following successful interviews earlier in the year. i start to ask myself if its something i’m doing wrongly – am i simply too patient ? i do know that in these opportunity instances its a factor of those directly involved in the opportunity.
so today i reflect that balance is there – its simply how i look at it.
one of the aspects of practice i’m considering currently is do i need a mask / a persona to set up space for me ? its something i need to explore with those involved in an ongoing musical based project before expanding here more.
when i do many things for others it makes me aware of me and my needs. my needs being compromised by inherent mental patterns that are difficult to walk around.
and then there is tiredness.
this is the single most challenging factor to my thinking and being. even though i know this – when i’m in that space its still difficult to grasp that my view is warped due to the time spent working.
perspective – moment – sleep.
this post is in part trying to reassure readers of the previuos post that i was simply having a bad time – today i can see clearer what it is i need to do. i knew this last night – wanted to do stuff last night – had to admit i couldn’t and should rest – despite being keen to get things done.
i pause for a sip of tea.