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Before Easter I felt largely undermined and belittled.

Opportunities that I hoped would lead to permanent employment or a commission seem to be withdrawn, as if no one really wants me to ever earn a living. And one of those exciting opportunities, I’ve since been informed there is no budget for!!

I’m 36 years old, and all the career advice I am provided with is “to get a job in retail”. Retail. I have no experience of this. I’m really starting to despair.

A fellow artist shared this http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/universal-credit-toolkit-quick-guide-self-employment.pdf

and I started to worry again. Despite having spoken to Gingerbread before, and their reassurances, I really don’t trust the DWP not to pull the rug out from under me. They’ve lied to me before and tried to cut off my only income.

So I spent an entire afternoon applying for a job. It would be ideal, only one day a week working in events management for a charity. But not a single part of me has any confidence that I’ll get it. Since I became a single parent in 2001, I must’ve applied for hundreds of jobs, never getting a single one of them. I don’t think it’s because I don’t have the ability to do the jobs that I apply for, or that I lack confidence, I blame the employers for not choosing to employ me.

I’ve stopped browsing the Jobs And Opps on here, because no jobs or opps exist in Lincoln. Plenty in London. And I found that I could be awarded a scholarship to do a Masters in Norway, but I’m not in a position to go to Norway for any large length of time while the kids are at school here.

I feel that at every single turn I come up against barriers, and what hope I used to have that despite this I will somehow achieve my dreams is fast disappearing.

The race is now on to find regular paid work before me and my kids are forced into destitution. And as I have said before, every single person to whom I’ve applied for work over the years and has declined my application is to blame for my demise. Every single person that offers unpaid “opportunities”.

You can support all self employed single parents by signing this petition, and I strongly urge you to: http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/the-uk-government-please-abandon-your-plans-for-a-minimum-income-floor-for-self-employed-single-parents

I spent most of the Easter holidays feeling ever more terrified. I’ve since calmed down now that the weather has improved, and my sister got married, and as soon as the kids went back to school, I was offered a link to an HPL position in Illustration, and assured that there’s no criteria for requiring a masters to do it, and support for the application.

Others are quick to tell me I’d need a PhD to become an hourly paid lecturer. In order for me to even consider doing a PhD, I need to do an MA. In order to do an MA, I either need to move to Norway, or have a regular income to support it, which is the catch 22 situation I’m constantly trying to circumvent.

Thanks to Andrew Bracey for including the LAN in his article here: http://new.a-n.co.uk/news/single/a-centre-on-the-periphery-lincolns-emerging-artist-led-scene

My work as an illustrator is included in this exhibition http://www.digitalartsonline.co.uk/news/illustration/exhibition-show-artworks-drawn-built-on-beermats/

I plan to go down to London to see the exhibition, as it coincides with Magne Furuholmen’s “Norwegian Wood” exhibition at Paul Stolper gallery, and I’m really excited to finally make an effort to get elbowed in the face by A-ha fans in an attempt to speak to Magne about his work – I noticed in the press release some interesting correlations between his work and mine that I wasn’t previously aware of. http://www.paulstolper.com/Exhibitions/PressReleas…

Aside from the fact that A-ha remains one of the pivotal reasons for becoming an artist and illustrator, in 1995, while Magne was creating “Kutt”, I gave birth to my first son Kurt, named after Cobain, but since I have been known to reference Schwitters within my own work.

The woodcuts already look visually and emotionally arresting just seeing them online, I believe he previously exhibited this work out in the wilds of Norway, so looking forward to seeing this: http://www.paulstolper.com/Exhibitions/Works/54-ma…


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