the first six months…

i’m excited at the prospect of leaving this blog behind me.

it has become a weight around my neck, the release of that weight beckons a longer view once again.

i know what i’ve been through, a charley brooker style review in words alone seems wide of the personal mark.

i have some reflections still to do, those will be place on the other blog that i keep that no one reads.

words are painful, some one made that recently. i now understand that at my own level and will finish off my revised coping mechanism shortly.

so pleased to be moving on from this place.

sometimes i forget there is tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after the day after.

i get a sense of fun from mr fishers (perl) blogs.

perl’s a singer, yet i’ll not go into that now.

practice and practice and practice and relax. phew.

practice some more and drink tea to be reflective.

drink beer, warm by the fire.

sometimes i need the basics laid out for me. it stops the internal panic set up by my disability. yet being disabled in this place doesn’t always count. frustrating yet ‘it’s the way it is – deal with it’.

i’m trying to end the year with a momentum to begin the next. i’ve not ever felt like this about a new year before. in the past a blurry day followed a blurry day and it was blurry.

inner peace and calm is what i would like for christmas, if i was that way inclinded about christmas. as it’s a christian festival it’s a big of a bugger if what it’s all based on doesn’t hold any water and for me it now doesn’t. it’s also a bugger if there are not thousands of pounds to squander on presents in an attempt to make up for the past year. oh apologies, i’m getting all political and socially minded.

i’m drawing close to the conclusion of this blog. the personal reflective time is with me, as most days. i know in myself what i need to do to become happier and up my output. accepting i am in treacle is a start. accepting a lot of things about me is a start.

and a start is what is required.

nice glow from dinner and a prospect of a pint.xxx

joy to the world.

words.

/[|//{]-__-[}\|/]

where’s the time lord?

i near the end of the first six months.

i’m saving the really deep reflective stuff of recent developments for my possible futures blog, the notion of this blog being purely for self promotion and discussion about theorectical issues diverts me to another place to share the most inner thoughts and reflections.

and in blatent self promotion i’m happy to announce that i have been selected for the future focus bursary scheme running at quad in derby. the scheme offers mentoring and a commission for a new piece of work to be shown in a group show at quad sometime near the middle of 2010. i’m excited, relieved and really happy to be on board with the scheme.

times like these.

it’s a foo fighters song from a few years ago now. the album was released at a time when i was going through a lot emotionally. i heard the song and it hit a resonance with me, i made a video to go with it. at the time i had gut feeling intention, i didn’t even know that was what it was called at the time. i knew i had to make something to express what i was going through at my times like these.

years later i find myself having to rediscover intention, rediscover what it is i want to do. i have no idea why i lost intention, it somehow becoming obscured by something else that i don’t know what.

needless to say, i see clearly today, intention intention intention

i’ve posted a submission today, i think it had intention within it. thing is someone else will decide for me if my intention has been intended. oh where did all the excitement of making go to? why did i not see that i had a practice years ago, for that was what i was doing, practicing, using each video to make the next better than the one before.

i see no need to fill in the gaps,

more beer, more beer, beer, sleep. xx