As outlined in previous posts, the direction that ‘Think, Question, Print’ has taken in the latter stages has been disappointing and frustrating. When I received the funding and began planning the project I aimed to devote a significant amount of time to the project to ensure that it would have a beneficial outcome and feel like something akin to a residency. I postponed the start date to August to make sure that I had established some connections before I began making work however I’ve found it a real challenge to remain focused on the original plan. A number of factors have obstructed the project but ultimately the experience has highlighted the need that I have for time, structure and space away from my normal life in order to seriously develop my artistic practice. I naively believed that the bursary money alone would be enough to support my plans and make them easier to realise however I was still having to continue with my existing commitments (working part time and volunteering at Hot Bed Press) plus I took on extra responsibilities through the set up and organisation of ‘Unwrapped’ print fair and a heritage workshop project in Leigh. I hate to make excuses but it was so difficult to carry out a project that required research, exploration and experimentation when my time was so tied up with existing activities and responsibilities.
The experience has left me feeling frustrated with working freelance and taking on project based activities. In order to make anything of substance or effectively develop my practice I would need to drop everything else and devote as much time as possible to research, thinking, reading and creative exploration. This is completely unrealistic and unachievable as it would mean a life without security or stability. To meet the aims that I had for this project I would have had to sacrifice hours at work which I would then need to pick up again once the project was complete. This level of flexibility is not available where I work and I had to put my future welfare first and prioritise my part time work over ‘Think, Question, Print’. This infuriating decision made me think about the cycle of short term projects; once ‘Think, Question, Print’ ends I don’t have anything creative lined up – I began to question whether I should be looking for my next brief/commission/bursary etc. In order to sustain a career as a freelance artist or illustrator I always need to be looking ahead for new paid work therefore sacrificing the time that I should be spending making the work for my current project…I’m sure I’m not the only artist facing this problem but that thought doesn’t make me feel any better. I was hoping to come out of this project with a stronger network and a better formed idea of what my work is about and although I have made connections with other artists I actually feel more confused about what to do next and where my place is in the artistic community. I’m glad that these questions have surfaced but it’s difficult not to feel panicked by the uncertainty that lies ahead. In some ways I feel paralysed by the options that I have – do I continue applying for residencies; improving my applications and keeping my fingers crossed? Should I pay for a residency place and the luxury of time and space? Should I reconsider further education and Masters degrees? I’ve reached a stage where I’ve finally found part time work that is enjoyable, (almost) relevant and conveniently located and all of these decisions would mean giving up this security and moving away. This is a big gamble but I don’t feel like the progress that I’m making at the moment will ever move fast enough. It’s so difficult to make these decisions alone and I’m keen to seek out some mentoring or guidance in 2017. Without ‘Think, Question, Print’ I may not have reached this point and although I’m dissatisfied with some aspects of the project I know that they have contributed to this reflection and realisation.
