Threads

Sometimes I find it hard to let go of old ways of thinking. I have done it in the past, because my work now does look different to how it did a few years ago, I am able to move on, it’s just that sometimes it’s difficult to let go of the comforting things, where you feel secure, and where you feel you know what you are doing. 

But… in order to make progress you do have to let things go, take risks, follow up on the interesting things.

I find it hard especially to let go of work that has taken a long time to make. That value is all entangled with time and effort. But it’s not is it?

Also… trains of thought… and opinions… you have something in your sights, a target, an ambition. And you’re really pleased to get there, but then discover it isn’t quite what you thought. Do you continue along that path or do you cut your losses and step back, even if it has taken years to get there? Should I be swayed by the opinions of others?

I really feel I am at the point where I need to reassess my focus. 

Which things are too much like hard work for no return?

Which things are hard work but worth it?

Which things just feel like natural progressions to be followed up on?

Am I spreading myself too thin?

Am I stretching the metaphors so much they need to be broken so I can get on with making?

Is materiality enough?

What do I want to be making?

Who do I want to work with? …and perhaps more importantly who DON’T I want to work with?

One of the things that is troubling me at the moment is the selecting of work to be hung in the ground floor gallery at RBSA in February. It is, for all intents and purposes, a retail space rather than a gallery space. All work hung here has to be for sale. It would be nice to raise some money, but I’m really struggling trying to decide what work goes up. I don’t want to spend a fortune framing or making work just to sell, I have plenty of work, but no idea what to pick, or how to display it in this environment. 

In my post on October 9th I wrote about editing my life because of my health. Then my last post talked about organisation and time management. In fact, as I look back there have been several posts about this sort of thing. Yes, the work, but also in the way I go about it, and the “admin” of it. It has come initially out of a desire to streamline things so my energy is used in the right place, with the focus on the work.

So I find myself now, on the cusp of December, feeling that things are in order. I now have a pre-op appointment for my knee, hopefully followed closely by the knee replacement operation itself. Possibly in February or March. This has focussed the mind somewhat!

I have an exhibition space booked in the ground floor gallery at RBSA from the last week in February to the first week in April. I’m hoping that I can get an op date after the hanging, and before the take down. I can send in friends and family to do the take down if necessary, but I need to hang it myself.

I’ve also booked in to do an online course with writer Camilla Nelson, called Towards an Experimental Ecology of Line. My friend and fellow artist Helen Garbett is also doing it. I’m thinking that because it is online, and I have a friend by my side, I can do it while I recuperate, and if I have to miss anything, she will be able to fill in the gaps for me. I’m really excited reading the course outline. I think it will definitely have an effect on the work I am making, and plan to make.

So for the first time in many years, I go towards the end of the year feeling positive, and looking forward. This is often a grim time of year, for many people for many reasons. I’m looking forward very much to 2025!

Luxury, and/or Necessity?

In the early hours of this morning I listened to this…

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https://www.mixcloud.com/BrumRadio/the-glass-age-feat-chris-cleverley-051124-w-dan-whitehouse/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR3ApYIqJ4v4fbjYeoAkZXWLKMDnJWopnka199Qt8vE7u67hC3GKuNciVAg_aem_I4fr_LaM12SoL31pLObqCQ&h=AT1_s8esn_FarpKaSBAajM184LJGvu8bW7vxDR1FNUPQr9770ogjNmB4FqH8CIFymMtYMZmkgcGc3dsx7w-uT-2fFPzIsuGfwU_aSS_aN2uYp3yACfepsi1XWplBCIVyApCFXwI&__tn__=-UK-R

It is a regular show on Brum Radio by my friend Dan Whitehouse, and in this episode he interviews another songwriting friend, Chris Cleverley.

I’m a big fan of Chris, he has his feet steeped in quite traditional folk music, but over the years I have known him his songs have become more contemporary, and more “him”. We also have quite a lot of favourite music in common, which always helps! It’s an interesting process I think. It’s a thing that happens to visual artists too. It takes a while to soak up enough “stuff” and do enough of it to then be able to use what you know to produce something unique.

The show is worth a listen, as in addition to the songs, there is a good discussion on the nature of songwriting, and how it happens, and how you push the process along sometimes, and how sometimes you let it sit awhile. Again, much like the visual art process.

Dan quotes Bob Dylan…’It is the first line that gives the inspiration and then it’s like riding a bull. Either you just stick with it, or you don’t.’

This really struck me… because that is what I do. A good first line is key. If it grabs me, and draws me in, gives me somewhere to go, is an intriguing set-up… then it’s worth pursuing. Occasionally in the edit, or the music writing, that first line might not end up being the first thing you hear, but it will be there, somewhere prominent.

In my note book there are many “first lines” that have remained as that, just one or two lines, sat there just waiting for the rest to follow. But sometimes, the rest just flows out thick and fast!*

Chris also talked about the routine of his days. This is something I’ve not been very good at in the past. When I worked for other people my routine was theirs. But since being freelance, I haven’t been very good at this. I am trying to change. Chris talked about the daily routine of getting the “admin” of life out of the way first so that he could then concentrate on his day: writing, playing his guitar, and looking after his voice. He sounds very disciplined.

I can’t really do a daily routine like that, but I am trying to establish a weekly rhythm to my artist life, by changing how I frame things.

I do this thing, if I’m not careful, that when I am in the studio, I think about the things I should have done at home, and then when I am at home I am always thinking of the things I want to do in the studio. It’s bonkers to always wish I was somewhere else, or feel guilty about it.

But Art is not a luxury, Art is a necessity. It is important, and I have to use the majority of my time with Art… or perish.

A suggestion from a friend has changed that completely! So now, on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I “prepare for being in the studio”. This entails batch cooking, housework, laundry, shopping… whatever is required to set me up for the week. Then on Thursday to Sunday when I am in the studio, I know there’s nothing to be done at home, or if there is, it can wait till Monday! This is such a simple change to my internal script, but after three weeks, it has been revolutionary! Why didn’t I think of it sooner? Thanks Kate!

*Some of my first lines:

BUTTONS:
He knew where all her buttons were
And used them at his will

UNDERTAKER BEES
I learned today about undertaker bees
And a kindness dressed up as cruel

EIGHTY SEVEN
She counted every one every day
Eighty seven steps to the top floor

At the moment I have a couple of strands of work that are putting me in a quandary as to what to do with them, because I don’t really know what they are yet, what they are for. And yet I am compelled to keep at it.

One: the paper twigs. I’ve taken a small break from these. I thought I had finished, but I think I want to make a few more. Mostly because I am still unsure what they mean to me, these false leads, these interlopers… they’re not real, but are they still useful to me?

Two: the drawings of stones on fabric. As with most things I embark upon, I feel the need to have more, am compelled to keep making them. Unfortunately I have run out of materials, so I am on a bit of a hunt for more cotton and linen sheets and tablecloths. Ideally I want old and worn out ones. Holes are fine. Not sure about stains though.(If you are reading this and you have some, please do get in touch!)

I don’t know what these mean to me either really.

I know I am intrigued by the “weight” of the stones, floating around, ungrounded (like they were on the paper drawings). The fabric makes them lighter, and adds movement. They waft around in the draughts of the studio. The placing of the stones makes a difference, they either sink to the bottom of the sheet, or they are suspended in space half way up, or perhaps they are floating in water.

They have grown out of the work done with the twigs… sticks and stones… but I am still pondering the relationships. They have no identity as yet. In the paper drawings, I had them posing as adults to the children, but that doesn’t really work for this… they have their own role to play.

I have, however, learned to trust my compulsions to make. While my hands draw, and manipulate the fabric, my brain is doing something else.

At some point, all will become clear, I am confident.

(ish)