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Feeling a little bit frustrated. I am talking to people and writing stuff, managing things and what-not. But I’m not actually making anything. I am setting things up, talking about my work, putting things in place. I’m having meetings. NOT MAKING!

The trouble is I have to set all these things up before I can make anything, so I’ve got a reason to make things…yes, I know I should make things anyway… don’t go on at me!

I want to have exhibitions and residencies and workshops and stuff. These things don’t appear magically out of thin air (not for me anyway). So I have to administer. I have done days and days worth of work, and feel I have sod all to show for it. It could all just not happen and I have wasted my time. I would like just one of these ideas, however small, to actually happen. Then it would feel real. I feel like a fraud. I’m talking the talk. But the walking the walk bit is not happening. I’ve met lots of lovely new people. They make lots of interested noises. BUT I’M NOT MAKING. I’m living off past glories.

So will it always feel like this?

I need someone who has done this sort of thing for a while to tell me there are periods like this, then I will be making stuff. Is it like this because I have just started out on my own, post-MA?

For goodness sake, Sophie, post me a sock!


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