I was told I would probably be able to drive about four weeks after the op. Well it is four weeks today and I’m not. Well… a nearly-lie… I drove about two miles yesterday. It wasn’t good. Felt decidedly wobbly, even though I had my husband with me. We swapped. I’ll have another go tomorrow. It is as much about confidence as it is about the state of my knee. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a confident driver, not like the ridiculous woman I heard say “oh I’m not very good at reversing!” (to be honest I think she should have her licence revoked until she is). What I mean is the confidence in my own body to do what I ask it to. I’m not quite there yet. Also, not doing it for a month makes the re-start very self conscious, I find I am explaining to myself in my head where the windscreen wiper controls are. But I’ll get there too… like my physio, a little bit more each day…
All this leads me to my studio. I found myself also losing studio-confidence as I hadn’t been there for a month either. I had forgotten how I did “studio”. I started to feel weird about it. As if, unlike bike riding, I would forget, and end up letting it go, unable to find that feeling I had grown to love.
Anyway… today I was given a lift in, and my husband helped me carry back some of the stuff I had taken home. We carted the stuff up the stairs. I walked up very slowly, good leg first, one step at a time… this is really pissing me off now, but if I try to lead with the “bad” leg, it all goes horribly wrong.
The room was dark and icy, the Farmfoods Christmas decorations through the window made it seem worse, not better.
I dumped everything on the table and Mike left me to it.
Kettle on. Heater on. Lights on.
I started to unpack things… the red bra, the wired up white bra, some paper, and some drawings, sketchbook, and a variety of Apple products.
As the kettle boiled I plugged in everything to charge, fired up the bluetooth, connected everything together… “Can you hear me Houston?”
I made the tea and cracked open a packet of jaffa cakes.
I sat on my quilt-covered chair and assessed the situation: I have 2 bras finished and wired. I bra finished, waiting to be wired. I have a wall chart waiting to be filled in. I have a variety of sounds, songs, lyrics, all waiting to be pieced together, and a whole lot more still to be written.
As I laid everything out before me, the room was warming up nicely. The tea was warming me on the inside. I looked around the room and all was well. It was still an extension of my brain, the things on the walls were still relevant. The music playing soothed the savage beast (Jesca Hoop).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bxpLcNod80
Two hours later, Mike knocked on the door to ask if I was ready to go home. Yes I was. Two hours, thats all. I feel worn out. This is obviously another aspect I am going to have to build up slowly. But at least I know now I can do it. I haven’t forgotten.
Daft Cow, what was I thinking?
