over the course of my blogging here on the a-n platform i’ve recorded, reflected and reviewed about many topics, feelings and works.
today i’m blogging from our family home, the washing machine revving up into a spin, woman’s hour is just audible about this and a cardboard box affords shade for my screen. today i feel so excited while at the same time having a feeling like no other i’ve ever had.
… i sit and listen to the washing machine while i wait to find the words.
in simple terms – because of the financial losses incurred as a result of the covid-19 pandemic in the uk, i am about to start research funded by the arts council covid-19 emergency fund and am so excited about this at a time when i’m still hearing of friends in other industries having work cancelled.
in beginning the project i’m going through an acknowledgement of other’s situations. in part what is fuelling this is a the seeing of a tweet in the days before i learnt of the offer from the arts council. another artist had tweeted about his offer and there were so many replies in response – not all were complimentary. i’m mentally preparing myself for difficult conversations that might happen in the future.
so as i roll into the beginning phase of the project i’m already processing some aspects of my practice i’ve not been able to prepare for – so am working through them in real time.
keeping a separate blog for the project is something i plan to do – it’ll be part of the documenting of the process.
there are two threads of research: how might i work with another community ? what can i do to re-ground myself ?
i see the words on the page and i feel less scared.
this is an interesting development for me. was the feeling of awkwardness wrapped around the real thing of just being a little scared. oh to be able to pluck out of the ether the quote or video clip about being scared and harnessing that energy for good. ( looks to google…)
ok so i’ve randomly searched you tube and found three clips and i’ve placed them together – after your tube led me from the being scared to hearing reeve talk about his wheel chair.
there’s a feeling of responsibility to create optimism through my research. in the coming days, weeks, months ( to be honest i don’t know how long the research period will be ) the optimism in the two questions is something i’m interested in finding.
i review the word responsibility above. this might place too much pressure upon myself. the research requires me to be happy and having fun with what i’m doing – so i can share that energy through the work.
today i’ve begun to talk about the project beyond my family home and in so doing – the scared feeling – and those associated feelings i spoke of earlier are starting to wain.
for balance i’ve added in this interview from 2019. beth pascal is a doctor based in derbyshire and runs ultra-marathons. through one of my work networks last year i met someone who took part in the utmb festival.
beginning this project i begin to further negotiate what it is to work (at home) at this time, to keep mind, body and soul together. to find new balances, new moments and new experiences.
my practice is about to develop further. thank you for the opportunity.