THE MOTHERS AND FATHERS OF INVENTION
ah it’s good to be back. Well passing through actually. My other project (the Rink Revival – see project blog on here) is erm.. somewhat taking all of my time at the moment. But they do say having a ‘spare’ is a good idea.
One good idea I’ve had I think is; when I do finally get the piece made it will end with a statement along the lines of:
THIS EDIT WAS FINISHED ON (insert date) AND WILL BE UPDATED THE SAME DATE NEXT YEAR.. AND FOR EVER MORE UNTIL I AM PHYSICALLY UNABLE.
I like the idea of that sort of commitment – after all it’s taken me almost 30years to get version 2 together, but now it can become the piece that never ends. Hmm the taste that never ends.. sounds like a cigarette commercial from the sixties. In that way I can overcome the usual problem of time base media.
It will be ‘my time on this earth’ based media.
I had previously wanted to end it with a long sequence of people recounting their dreams, with a caption saying THIS BIT GOES ON FOR QUITE A WHILE -YOU CAN LEAVE WHENEVER YOU WANT… but now i’m thinking – perhaps after I’m gone other people could add their dreams. Eventually send it into space…? who knows.
Another theme that has started to crop up is that of slightly ridiculous inventions. Some of them might actually be good inventions I don’t know. At the risk (in the great British tradition) of giving my ideas away to others to exploit in a global market… here are a few of them.
1. Gyms to be linked into the national grid. All the power generated by people on tread mills and rowing machines could be harnessed.
2. The Matter exchange. An exact amount of matter is traded for the same amount elsewhere. Nothing is made or destroyed in the universe so this theoretically should be possible. It would certainly cut down travel and transportation time. Just needs a switchboard inventing.
3. The image cleaner. Search and destroy (or amend) software that allows you to clean up your online image and replace it with stuff you would rather have represent you.
4. The nail clipper reminder AP. A small insignificant thing perhaps, but it is surprising how many people seem to neglect this personal routine.
5. The shower razor tidy. This simple sucker device allows you to stick your razor to the shower wall – thus eliminating the exceedingly tedious, ‘dropping through the wire basket’ occurrence that so often takes place.
6. The inflatable suit. This allows you to regulate your temperature without having to add or remove clothing. Tiny air pockets in the suit expand and contract depending on the wearers core body temperature.
7. The spooning shaped cushion for people who travel. This inflatable shape is a boon for those who find themselves alone in a hotel and want to replicate that ‘more secure’ feeling.
8. GPS holidays. Put this programme into your car’s sat nav and it takes you on a magical mystery tour of unexplored delights. A perfect gift.
9. The smokers door. A door with holes in it to allow smokers to pass their arms and head through in order to take a drag of their smoke, without having to stand outside in the cold and wet.
10. The virtual tourist. You sit in a darkened room and our virtual tour guide wanders around remote places to your instruction. This is projected back live into your room. Eliminates danger, plus the time consuming necessity to travel yourself.
11. Audio plates. Listen to the sound of the animal you might have been eating. Particularly good for vegetarians seeking an extra edge to their Quorn consumption experience.
12. Wheelchair seat raiser. Benefits both the person in the chair and the person stood up. The seat raises up on a central column to allow the seated person to make direct eye height contact with the person they are interacting with. Should get a Queen’s award that one.
Anyone wishing to develop these ideas please do get in touch. Remember – you heard it here first.
tooth animation and edit by me – fractals by Jock Cooper