It is done. It is over. The daughter is safely delivered to Edinburgh and I am back at home. I am exhausted. I have cried and cried and cried. Why? My clever wonderful child has gone onto the next stage of her life. She’ll be singing along to folk songs in the bars of Edinburgh and has already met some vets who told her how to rejuvenate a hamster. Why am I crying? Because this is an ending and a beginning for all of us. I too get the chance to have a life mostly dedicated to developing my artistic practice. I’m already planning how to take over her bedroom to make extra work space for myself. I bravely went in there when I got home and had a tidy up. Folding the clothes away she hadn’t taken and wondering why she hadn’t taken the new denim skirt she loves? Chucking all the dead face wipes away and wondering if I can squeeze another small wardrobe in to accommodate some of her skirts so they don’t get creased. I’m keeping busy, I’m probably going to get drunk….again.
I am thinking about what I want to do, and that’s why I’m re-organising the whole house and having a super massive clear out. It feels appropriate to welcome this new phase with a mass chuck out of things I no longer want or need.
I just hope that I can concentrate on art and creativity and not be taken over by a massive mummy fear. Time will tell…..tick tock.