DEGREES UNEDITED

# 32 [20 June 2010]

Its now 3 days after the PV, it feels like months...

Am really tired and haven't managed much today except loaf on the sofa.

The PV was great, really busy and I really enjoyed chatting to people about my work. It seemed to be really well received and I was happy at that.  It made all the long days and busy months really worth while.

Yesterday we had a focus for friends and family to visit so it as another busy day. I spent a lot of this showing them around and getting a chance to take in the rest of the show myself. Which was good.

It doesn't seem real that its now just about all over. This time next week my work will be down, the results will be up and I will have left the building for the last time as a BA student.

The interim 2 weeks between meeting my deadline and the show opening were equally as hectic as the previous period was, and again thats just not how it was meant to be. But I had the damaged painting to re-do, my website to update (took much longer than I thought) and my book to get printed.

It all got done, to varying degrees of success. I wanted to re-design my website but when I realised how much work I had to publish let alone going in for a re-design I decided against this for now.

The painting I re-did, but in the end decided not to swap it as I preferred the old one much more. Would have to worry about it if anyone considered buying it, otherwise go with what I liked best. 

The book I got printed, along with postcards and business cards. The printers have been great, really helpful and spot on with delivery.

Looking at how I am displaying the book, 3 days in, I don't think it's very successful and it's my fault. I should have displayed it on a flat surface where I would have been able to lay it out demonstrating the slide-to-view technique required. Instead people are pulling at the pages to see the images .... Lessons we learn....

The exhibition overall I think looks great, our room looks great, there were no space issues in the end, all the stress-induced discussions were all for nothing. As is often the way.

I am proud to be part of the exhibition and proud to be showing alongside those I am with. Well done everyone.

Our catalogue and website guys were successful and we have good visual representation for our show.

BUT NOW WHAT....

The show is on for another 4 days, 12-8pm mostly, closes early (6pm) on the last day, then we have friday to start dismantling it and collect our results.  Not something I want to think about right now, but its not to far away in my mind...

I haven't sold any of my work as yet, and although that is always nice, thats not what its about, getting the feedback, sharing my thinking, my motivations, explaining the reasoning behind the blank squares - that they represent actual students on the course but they are ones I had no photo of from the time the others were all taken - its all been really good.

I decided in the end to propose that anyone interested in buying an individual portrait would be invited to have their photograph taken in the photo stdio by me and I would then crop this, paint them and replace the one they took with it. That way the whole piece would keep its integrity and also evolve into something completely new. So from his point of view it would be nice to have some buyers, to explore this next step if you like, but maybe all it has done is serve to scare anyone off. Hum-Ho ...

I think this blog is pretty much coming to a close now, I'll finish with the show end in a few days possibly.

I'd like to move on, look at a fresh start, start a new blog on artist talking but I'm not quite sure where or how to start there... any tips?

www.csm-2010.co.uk

www.bernicewilson.com

# 31 [10 June 2010]

(please read ⌗29 and ⌗30 first, this is a continuation)

The rest of the week picked up. My friend got her work on the wall the next day - the batons worked and it looked amazing. We were both really chuffed for ourselves and each other.

This left the floor clear for the other guys to get their work in and up.  This hadn't been an issue as they were both still making their work and it hadn't been ready for install up until now.

There was still a little tension between myself and the guy I'd had the words with over my sound piece. But not about that, that had been a non-issue in the end. No, it was more about the placement of his work within the room. He had two floor pieces, one a large display cabinet, and I was worried it would sit too far into the room and encroach on the viewing of my piece. While I understand that my work is likely to dominate the room from a size perspective and also that the work around it serves to compliment rather than argue with it from a viewing perspective - photographs, display case, prints, video pieces  - I am also conscious that it has to have the viewing space required to actually take it in. My feeling was/is that it would also hopefully be a non-issue and all would be well in the end, but his attitude did nothing to assure me of this. In fact it only served to worry me.

Best thing I decided was to let things pan out before worrying too much about it, I still had loads to do. A sound piece still to build and book(s) still to make.

I took myself home to get on with these tasks having covered all my work in bubble wrap to protect it for now and while the floor is painted.

Our deadline was looming quick and fast - 6 days left till all our supporting work and documentation had to be in for marking. Then we'd be banished from the building till the day before the PV on the 17th...

These six days are just a blur. Everything took longer than anticipated, there were no major hitches, just long days and in fact the night before the deadline I didn't get any kip at all, thats how close it was. Totally unplanned for. Thought I was in control of the time frame. Thought I'd easily make the deadline. How wrong I was. Compromises were even invoked - there were only 2 books, the third option of a box set of prints didn't happen and the other two only had bare canvas covers - no time to paint or affix an image onto them.

All over now. Its all the hands of the gods now, I mean tutors.

Here's hoping I'm pleased with the result they bestow. One thing for sure, I couldn't have tried any harder. I couldn't have been more committed. I am ecstatic with my achievement on a personal level, I think it looks great. I've had great feedback so far from my peers and one thing I hadn't banked on was how much the speakers resemble cameras, cctv in fact, bringing me full circle on my journey.

Two weeks now till the PV, got the fated painting to re-paint. My website still to update, my chosen book to get to the printers and other marketing material to sort, postcards I think... so no rest yet!

Before I forget:

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE WHO HAVE A DEGREE SHOW COMING UP.  HOPE IT IS A GREAT SUCCESS x

# 30 [10 June 2010]

(continued from previous post)

Best plan I decided was to stick with what I was comfortable with - paint a new one. So I took myself down to the painting workshop, while the others carried on with the wall re-build, to apply the latex in a dust free environment and start painting. It was chocka-block with work so I had to set my canvas down on the floor in a corner of the room and rope it off.

As I got started the painting tech arrived - she doesn't do Mondays and in fact was in for a short course she runs.  Never the less when I explained what had happened she was as gutted as I was and made time for advice. She was also of the opinion a repair was possible and explained how to do this.  It would be less stressful than painting a new one.

I agreed reticently, deciding to pursue both options for now.  With the repair under way and the latex drying I set about sorting my other major problem out. Oh yes there was another. All the photo's I'd taken of my paintings in the photo studio, hoping to get great images for making my book(s). Well I had sort of. It turned out they were all a bit dark, the colour wasn't as it should be and short of re-photographing them, I wasn't sure what to do - except go seek help. My next stop, the photo technician. To my relief it was just a matter of adjusting the white balance. Phew! That I could cope with.

The day finished quite emotionally - a heated discussion around the placement of speakers for my sound piece - with the upshot being that I agreed to cobble together something resembling it for fellow student also sharing the space to hear. I do think it was just all the emotion of the recent events just catching up with me rather than this isolated incident. Never the less I was in bits on my way home.

Good news was, the wall was now up and with the efforts of my friend and her boyfriend it was also re-painted so would be ready for install tomorrow.

Tuesday 25th, together with help from our other halves we make a start on hanging my work. Least we did eventually! Attaching the mirror plates to each column and hanging the speakers on the wall - positioning them where we'd finally agreed they should go - took most of the day. But by the time we left that night half the columns were successfully on the wall. Hurray!  We started from the new wall end, which meant my friend could look at hanging hers now too.

It never rains but it pours - where does that saying come from?! Who cares, it was apt and our patience continued to be tested. You must understand that although my friend and I were not the only ones exhibiting in this space (there were two others) and our work was completely independent, we had worked together so much on this install that whatever affected one affected both of us. More acutely with the passing days too.

The next day we start on installing her work, to find it bowed out at the bottom! All the advice she was given AND followed regarding hanging mechanisms for her work failed! It was now time to feel gutted for her.

Incidentally, the update on my damaged painting: repair applied, acceptable (to me) to submit for assessment but plan to re-paint for degree show viewing. 

Further advice sought, new plan, vertical batons need to be applied to her work to stiffen and remove bow. This was an overnight job and further expense, glue took 24 hours to dry once applied, and needing space to layout whilst doing so, there was only one option - to install the rest of mine in the meantime.

And thats what we did, once the emotion had been dealt with that is.  By the end of the day my work was all up. Even the repaired one. A blessing - if you could call it that, is that it is at the bottom of the column and rather than bolt all six together we bolted five and hung this piece independently, so I can easily exchange it with a new one for the show. All that said it looked really good, I was pleased...

# 29 [10 June 2010]

Not sure where the time has gone. Got quite a shock when I realised the date of my last post. I really have been burying myself in my work.

It's even been a week now since my deadline and I don't know where the time has gone.

Let me see if I can take you through how it all ended, it wasn't without drama I can tell you now.....

On Thursday 20th, day after last post, I managed to get 8 of the 11 columns of paintings bolted together (see image to follow what I mean by that). Friday I went in early, as was my habit, to continue.  My friend who is showing next to me was hoping to hang her work that day, two large 150cmx150cm photographs.  But try as we might it wasn't happening.  What we hadn't realised, with all our painting and making good, was just how bowed her wall was - we'd even used lining paper and wall-papered it trying to make it a smooth wall. There was only one thing for it, the wall had to be replaced!  

Yep, thats right the stud wall had to come down, rebuilt and repainted! Originally only half of it was coming down, but as the technicians started they decided it'd be easier to re-do the whole wall. So with my friend and I as 'lackey's' the wall came down.  I joked with them that it would have to go back up in exactly the same place (my wall is perpendicular to this one and I had about 2in to play with currently!).  As it turned out, there was some room to manoeuvre so the new wall was positioned a 2in back, giving me a little more confidence my work would fit, one good thing had to come out of this set back :O)

I was so relieved I hadn't actually started to install my work, or any of us for that matter, as there was dust everywhere, thankfully mine were all wrapped up and protected.

Or so I thought, cause as fate would have it, on the Saturday - I didn't come in, had work I wanted to get done from home - a length of 2x2 fell sideways and onto my paintings. Before taking the wall down I'd got two more columns built, so only had one stacked ready to build. This stack was where the wood fell. It went through the sheet and bubble wrap AND canvas.  Yep I got a phone call to tell me there was an 8cm gash in one of my paintings.

Gutted goes no where close to how I felt. It was an accident, it could easily have happened when I'd been there.  My friend was devastated, it was hard to console her. Until I saw the damage I had no idea how bad or what actions were open to me.  But I did play out quite a few scenarios in my head over the rest of the weekend none of which were good.

Monday arrived and first in I was able to have a few minutes alone with my work, see the damage for myself and work up a plan to deal with it.  

We were now way off schedule - having been way ahead only a few days ago - without the thought of re-painting a piece.... But thats where it was at.  The tear was right, near as damn it, in the middle of the canvas.

I did have a stretched primed white canvas spare, albeit on a squinty stretcher. But I'd re-use the stretcher the damaged painting was on so I didn't need to worry about that.  I set about swapping them over so I could add coloured primer to the new one ready to re-paint the portrait. 

When the tutor arrived - we had one of our cluster group meetings scheduled - there was a lot for him to take in, not least the fact that there was a huge gaping great chasm where the wall had been. My friend also brought to his attention the misfortune to fall on my work.  He was of the opinion it could be repaired. That may as well be I thought, but (1) I didn't feel I had the skill to know where to even start (2) I couldn't possibly have a repaired one in the actual degree show.

Hhmmm... 

# 28 [19 May 2010]

Apologies for previous slightly cryptic entry, been a bit tough these last few weeks. So much to do, so many pieces to pull together, so much to focus on.... then some bad news turns up and I wonder what the point is, why what I'm doing is important, in the scheme of things all this stress and anxiety is meaningless....

My niece's (same age, like a sister) husband has cancer, had an op, complications, had another op, now needs chemo. Two kids under 5.  Knocked them for 6, the family, me. Perspectives looming big and close! He got out of hospital this week so things are looking up and I spent the weekend with them and realise life goes on, we cope, we adjust as much as need be. We adapt. It was the shock, the 'putting myself in her shoes' aspect that choked. 

It's getting easier and in some ways burying my head in my work has helped a lot. Just reflecting on things has been difficult....

....

Things are in full swing in the studios. Making good. Painting. Installing comes next. After the risk assessments have been handed in and equipment checked.

I had to make a new stretcher in the end for my squinty painting. Worried a little that there might be more. But equally think I would have noticed before now. Although I was getting tired towards the end. Time will tell I guess.

I hope to start the install of my work today. At least get the sections bolted together, assemble the columns ready to hang, and check for any more squinty frames!

Spent yesterday on documentation, feel more comfortable now, it was beginning to overwhelm me... felt the task was running away from me, becoming unmanageable. But although I still have lots to do I can see it more clearly now.

# 27 [12 May 2010]

Well the paintings are finished.  Repeated all four.  One I realise is on a crooked frame (not square) so sorting that out.  Have photographed them all now in proper studio conditions to get same quality - that was a mammoth task, getting them all 9 floors down and then back up again.  Friends have been a great help, thanks guys.  Been working on sound piece too, dodgy equipment always helpful, not.

Got a meeting today which will kick start the preparation of transforming the studio spaces into gallery space.

Thinking of my family right now

# 26 [28 April 2010]

Less than two weeks left to finish work. Yikes!

I have 4 paintings left to do and then I need to decide which ones, if any need re-doing or further work on them.

I have decided to re-paint the very 1st painting of the set - 'Magda', as I was using a different palette range at the start (no white) and now it stands out as a misfit.

With the rest, there are about three that I am not so happy with for one reason or another. What I can't decide is

(a) whether to totally re-do, probably quicker than option (b) as I have spare canvases built and ready to go

(b) try an re-work the parts I am concerned about, possible blending issues

(c) leave alone as they signpost the journey I have been on 

While I finish off the last few I will mull over these options. I guess neither decision is wrong as long as its all documented in my supporting work.

I've been wandering around the studios looking a bit of a loony with my sound machine - headphones and mic, recording sound.  I started by trying to engage people in a specific conversation about the journey they've been on throughout the duration of the course, but we all found that quite hard - becoming shy about being recorded. So I resorted to just setting the recorder up to record natural chatter.  I have yet to edit any of it, but I have been and got advice about how to do this.  Next weeks job me thinks - to play around with the 6 or 7 conversations I have recorded.  I plan to overlay all the conversations, my aim being to create 'babble' rather than coherent identifiable conversations.

Tomorrow is our last ever tutorial, when voiced by my friend Ruth it felt a bit sad; little reminders that the whole experience is soon coming to an end :O(

I won't even be there for the whole tutorial.  I'm going along to the Q-art convener at the Slade in the afternoon. Put to the tutor that I had the opportunity to go as an invited party by Richard, to talk about my blogging experience, he totally encouraged me to go to that.  So a busy and exciting day tomorrow.

Our tutorial is to explore documentation ideas and ensure we all know whats expected of us there. Hopefully I'll have enough time to print out some stuff to take in examples of what I plan to do here.

# 25 [28 April 2010]

Thought I'd posted this on Sunday, just realised it was sat unpublished on my mac. Doh!!! 

The week didn't calm down much and I found I wasn't as productive as I have been. Lots of distractions - more people about to catch up with after the holidays; anxiety (I guess) about the imminent final 1-2-1 tutorial before the show and dissertation marks pick-up.

As punishment - harsh! - necessity really, I went in yesterday (Saturday) to paint and try and get back on track.

The tutorial was a bit odd but positive in its outcome.  I have since started recording experimentally for my sound piece accompaniment, so thats a goer hopefully.

Am getting a bit tired now and can't seem to shake it off.  We all are, but the thing thats keeping us going is that the end is in sight... albeit that in itself brings on panic, of a different kind, panic that we won't make the deadline, panic that we won't quite finish our work,.... We're doing a good job of reassuring each other and helping each other stay calm though, which helps.

# 24 [21 April 2010]

So I got it wrong!  I have tried and I have tried to write my blog and upload it directly from my iphone, but I still haven't succeeded :O(  I can write it in the notes and send it to myself be email to upload, but I can't copy and paste the note into this box on my phone or write directly into it.. if anyone else knows how to please help.

As for the Twitter advice, thanks Rachel, I'll look into it.

A few more people in on Monday than have been during the holidays but not so's you'd notice. Our first meeting was yesterday, and there were tutorials so much more busy.  Been asked continuously about when we are getting our dissertations back - it's not on the timetable and there's no notices up so I'm as clueless as the next person, but I guess everyone is getting a bit anxious as we were told at some point it would be this week...  I don't know how I feel, I'm not really worrying about it, haven't got time and there's nothing we can do about the mark now anyway. Getting it now could just prove a distraction to getting the degree show work completed, especially if its not what you'd hoped for.  

Someone asked, apparently it's Friday we pick up the marks.

As for the painting so far this week, Monday I struggled with one, and Tuesday I erased half of it and re-did it.  The nose and mouth were all wrong and it was not at all satisfactory.  The painting technician was in and I had a word with her.  She made a big deal about me mixing my solvent and oil into my paint directly and said that I should have a pot of just mediums mixed to use as I go.  I guess I get that but what I am doing works for me right now and at some point these decisions have been made (probably out of ignorance you understand) that have enabled me to progress as I have and I'm loathed to change my routine this close to the finish line.  What I did do was make up a pot of medium anyway to help with the part dried surface I was now trying to work with. It did help a bit. I am now ok with the painting.

The meeting was admin really, about deadlines, cluster groups for hanging the show, procedures, things to watch out for, PV, etc.. Even though a lot of it has been mentioned before its now more imminent and a few people are now a bit freaked out.

Hmm.. how to 'stay calm and carry on' ....

# 23 [19 April 2010]

New week, and a new term.  Everyone should be back today, providing they weren't out of the country and are therefore caught up in all this flight-grounding business due to the volcanic ash from Iceland. It seems a great idea, go on holiday and often wish you got stranded and couldn't get back.... but I bet anyone off the course affected by it is probably freaking out right now as there's not long left till our deadline and there's no obvious end to this air crisis.  It's affected quite a few of my friends, some on holiday, some on business trips. Thinking of you all.

I got down to my teens last week, I'm going into this week with 16 paintings left to do.  Bar the few I want to re-do, I don't think thats a bad place to be at all, considering we have 3 weeks studio time left.  But as I said last time there's so much more 'stuff' to get done.  I did write a list (no particular order yet):

*update website

*artist statement

*book/catalogue of paintings

*documentation - diary; internet research; gallery visits; painting processes; bibliography; a-n update...

*dissertation 'recording'- promised myself I'd get this done during this unit of work, its not being marked, just for self satisfaction really.  The dissertation should already be marked and we should get marks back this week if rumours hold true. Yikes!

*soundpiece?

*animation?

*postcards/business cards

On the most part I have till the 4th June when the assessment starts to get through this little lot.  But before then I have to finish my piece and hang it in the space, after preparing that.

So, as I said a lot to get done!!!