10pm

There are many things in my head right now. Topsy Turvy exhibition on Wednesday, curating BH13 Urban Sculpture Garden, schools workshops, the mystery of Cafe Obscura, peer critiques and of course the thing that should be at the center of my focus; my MA.

There are things going on there that I need to deal with. I’m mostly demotivated, a little angry a little insulted. At the same time I can see that I have my finger in many pies; curating, investigating, planning, organising and trying to do a bit of reading. Am I subconsciously aware that I may be unfocused? Who should I turn to for guidance?

I tried to take a few days off, I got lost on Portland high up in the hills. I’ve tried to cycle lots too to keep me healthy; body and spirit but today there was a big blooper when I lost the key for my bike lock.

Tomorrow I’m going to Gallery Soup to install work for the show on Wednesday. It’s a kind of back up plan for the black paintings project I have initiated. The installation will involve tearing up lots of paper which will relieve some tension I hope but it puts me right back where I started again in October 2010.

Maybe that’s what’s up, I’m not into that work. I made it. I didn’t like it. Other people did. I thought it had been anailated from existance but somehow it has come back to haunt me. Why do people like it? Why am I so wound up? Why am I so busy doing stuff for free? I feel so undervalued I want to scream.

Maybe I should go and make that black painting whilst I am in the mood to black things out.

The sliding scale for art and craft could tilt so much that there’s so little craft that, it is so very fuller of art that it makes you wonder; how did this appear in the world?

How did it arrive into my presence, and then, what caused it to be surrounded by whiteness; to be revered?

Who made the decisions; so that I am confronted with the presence of something that is almost nothing at all? It is so empty it only has the things it absolutely needs to exist.

Why is it here, now? In these surroundings, in this place in this existence and today?

This is not for you to know, maybe. This, maybe, cannot be found out, resolved, answered but possibly accepted or acknowledged.

it shall not be affected with notice of, or put upon enquiry as to, the right of any person

ní bheidh sí faoi admhálacht maidir le fógra i dtaobh, ná inchurtha faoi fhiosrú i dtaobh, cearta aon duine

it is not for acknowledgement with regards to notices, to put under examination on the whole, the rights of any person..

Accept or admit the existence or truth of.

Information and skills acquired through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.

# mealladh = disappointment(n)