future focus

future focus… the end.

(pause for jim)

and with 60’s colour i cover myself.

agh, i’m bathed in colour and peace and harmony (any revolutionary thoughts will have to wait). tis the concluding part of future focus. what have i learnt from the experience? it’s easy for me to point blame and upset emanating from an institution, however if that’s every institution, should i start to look at myself as a source of the unhappiness. if i am the source of the unhappiness, i’m doing that to myself because of ideologies set out by people organised into groups. if i don’t get those groups, yet want to be part of it, i must find a path to allow me in, i need to find more support. if i find support and still i don’t get in, then i will remain outside and at last i will be part of the mainstream by being outside of it.

what have i found out about funding? any project funded needs to have an evaluation, so that the funders know that the project was a success and participants got what was expected. i also found out that an rfo giving money to an artist then rules out the artist applying for ace funding directly. i’ve not yet been offered the opportunity to take part in any evaluation.

the other slight moan is to do with the professional development seminar, part of the bursary and part of the advertising for the project. do to a foresight by the university, it wasn’t organised for the week within the exhibition, instead it’ll now happen in October as part of some other initiative. i end up moaning as i actually need a lot of support and when it’s there without having to be proactive about getting it, i feel relieved that i don’t have to go through the whole explanation of my word based problems. i am having to come to terms with my need to search for help, to admit i can’t do something, in order to do something i want to do.

so what next for me? i’ve been applying for things throughout the exhibition and have been rejected by all of them. mostly because what i was proposing was not deemed suitable for the audience of the project. no problem with that, i’m experiencing that in some aspects of the art world, audience is the most important thing, i have an idea for a piece where audience complete the work by their interaction with it.

i also have two proposals in. one for a new piece and one for a residency. i’m not 100% confident that my words are a strong enough communication of my intentions for the residency. if i do get it, then i will conclude the idea was strong, if i don’t get it, the idea was still strong, i simply failed to communicate in words what i had in my mind. i will need to find some specialist support to make an application for funding to develop the piece hinted at in the above paragraph.

this week is a week of rest and recovery, while waiting to hear about the residency decision. it feels very much like a fork in the road. what possible futures are on the sign posts? successful application and the start of something new or another rejection and some inner soul searching and admitting that i can’t do sophisticated word writing good enough to get myself chosen.

not long to wait…

i’ve woken up today thinking about stirling moss, in a professional capacity of course. his motor racing career was possible because of his subconscious thoughts over his interaction with the world around him, ie his car and the track.

his subconscious actions resulting in the positioning of the car.

with less than a week to go of future focus, i’m being reflective today about what my racing car is. am i in a vehicle that i can interact subconsciously? i can test that later today with the artist talk in the gallery. i’m happy to report that of all the tasks involving talking to other people on this project, this one i am feeling most calm about(there are a few butterflys in my stomach as i write this!)

i look back on the first year out of the degree. the first six months were unpleasant, i think because i didn’t know what to ask for and what i wanted to do. the second six months have been slightly better, well they’ve been a whole lot better as i am more connected to what i want in the next six months.

i still need someone to give me a tenable statement about what being critical means, so i have something to work with or reject and thus work with. this need for a tenable statement i can source back to the dsylexic condition. there are some things that i just need absolutely spelling out so i can begin to understand them. the continuing search for what being critical means is like looking through a gallery of paintings that leave me full of differing interpretations. in the painting case, i would be left with an impression, not an actuality of what the painter was thinking about.

that aside, i know at a personal level that i need to ask for what i want more. possibly the greatest challenge i have ever faced in my life.

changing the subject, i am beginning to get how important audience is to art. i am beginning to get how what ever an artist makes, as long as there is a way in to the work for the audience, it’s ok that the work is somewhere out there. i am beginning to get how if a drawing is about process, there needs to be mediation with the audience about process. i think for me i have lots to learn about mediation with audience, as in mediating with audience, how does the work maintain it’s ambiguity and it’s connection with the audience. in reflecting about that last statement, i am making some big assumptions about audience. i am also aware that if the work is engaging enough, the words on the wall almost become irrelevant. what if with a piece of work in a gallery there was a reference to where the context of the work was contained? is that a radical new idea or a simple rehash of an idea i don’t know that i don’t know?

had to add another post after being into the gallery and receiving an email.

i’ve had a reply from the vice chancellor : “I will enquire what went wrong with the seminar – professional practice is a crucial part of understanding the creative career.” was part of his reply.

in the gallery i was exploring how to best document my work. my work has made it onto the work sheet for gallery activity, i feel quite proud. the gallery assistant informed me that they were bribing the cine kids audience with chocolate to visit the gallery after the film.

i was packing up when the throngs arrived. interestingly there were quite a few children who walked over my work without intervention from their accompanying adults.

the best part was watching a lady straighten a part of the floor that was rearranged as a result of the interventions. possible futures in action in front of me. i feel inspired to visit the gallery more often to watch these interventions and reactions.

i’m back from being outside of my pracice this week. all i have to show for the excersion is some nice pictures of a digger.

now with coffee drunk and sun emerging from rain clouds i can look back at a week of very mixed feelings.

i editted the crib sheet and gave it to the landlady. the first thing she asked me when i walked is was ‘where’s my crib sheet?’ some interesting conversations happened from there on in.

last night i visited the second year derby fine art exhibition, which was nice. walking past the adt building i got very down. it related to the seminar disappointment. i’ve dealt with the disappointment this morning by sending an email to the vice chancellor of the university, telling him about it.

research for new works continue and after crawling out of the black hole with yellow centre, i’m starting to feel optimisitic again.

i’ve written a crib sheet for the landlady of my local pub about the exhibition and my work. i don’t know what her interest is in visual art, so the opportunity to write a crib sheet has been fun. it’s allowed me to think about my work, having missed doing that for the last week or so.

i got a little concerned when i realised that the writing of the sheet, effectivley the script for my artist’s talk, might compromise the ambiguity of viewing the work. however, if by reading the sheet, she decides to go to an exhibition that previously she would not have, then i feel that is a good thing(words failing me at this point).

in other news how can i critically and positively write about my disappointment connected to the news that the professional development seminar, supposidly happening this week is not happening this week “as the university didn’t get back to us to arrange it” it’s ok as the programme does not make a big thing on the poster about it. however ‘Future Focus also provides professional development for the Bursary winners.’ is written on the website. i feel let down.

still, it’s all amazing i have a piece of work in a gallery with an international reputation, i know this as i’ve been told by the gallery that that’s what they have. how amazing is that for my cv? time will tell. it’s partly due to me continuing to make work that is deemed fit for an audience to view. i have to get possible future work past the feature editor so to speak.

it is clear that art audiences are more important than artists, as people whose job it is to be responsible to audience will think of audience before artist. ergo as long as an artist’s practice produces work deemed to be what the audience wants to see, it will be succesful. to ease the situation comes mediation. through mediation, all parties can get what they want. phew, i don’t have to worry after all.