It's interesting. I wanted to write something for this blog last night before I went to bed but, sitting at my computer, realised that I was too utterly physically and mentally exhausted from a very full working week to be able to think. I went to bed and slept only four hours before I was woken by my thoughts again. So now I am up in the middle of the night having had just enough recovery time to get me ready for some blog action again.
So, the thoughts go something like this:
However much I protested when starting this blog against the tendency towards gut-spilling in blogs and tried to set myself apart from this by stating that I would be avoiding navel-gazing and instead trying to create a space for many voices to share, I realise that in many ways this blog has become something of a personal journey.
I am thoroughly enjoying this space to think and compose my thoughts 'out loud' with one part of my mind always on the awareness that someone else might read what I write, which in itself creates a desire to transform the strictly personal into a more public text.
However, I know that there is a whole side (or set of sides) of what I am currently thinking that is not getting said here. This is because this forum is a public forum and I am afraid I do not trust the world enough to share these deepest thoughts with you. You are an unknown to me: you might wish me harm but at the same time you could be my best friend. I can't know. This means that for myself (from myself?), in this blog, I am leaving out or withholding significant aspects of my life. They are not getting written. By this I mean, I could be writing them elsewhere, in a 'private' journal for example, but I am not.
They are not getting written.
I don't think I am even prepared to let you know what these aspects of my thoughts relate to.
Or perhaps I could risk this much and tell you some categories in which they might be found: family, money, sex.
Now, I happen to find the fact that these areas of thought (and others that are not even classifiable) are not being written about by myself in this blog extremely interesting. Because this leads me towards becoming able to say something about how human experience has been privatised.
see next blog entry
