six week residency

so i settled into taking the day off and not thinking about the residency or the studio, a friday of cleaning and listening to very old music on a cd player.

by lunch time i was seemingly free of thoughts all critical and creative.

that was the case until i found a nut. not a brazil or hazel. no this one was big. i was given it or found it and thought i’d hang onto it. hang on for why though. i don’t know, sometimes i find it easier to take the item with me, rather than leave it abandoned for some one else to take responsibility for it. do i feel that by taking it from that place the item will not be destined for a container of other rejected and abandoned items. it’s that’s the case i am obseesive about not throwing anything away as a signifier of it’s end of useful ness ness. no, not me.

although when looking at the nut, do i remember where and why i have it. it’s quite large, industrial would be a good descriptive word for it. i took a picture of it, i’ve still got the device from the studio to play with. having taken the picture, can i now throw it away or must i continue to retain the item from disposal, as i don’t see what else the item can be good for.

i looked at the picture of the nut, it’s documentative of the nut. the context of why and where and when i came to have it in my possession is no longer part of the item, i’ve created a document of the nut in a moment, it was easy and quick and i now now a digital cast of the item.

so with the cast i start to play. the device has playful filters and settings. i play and look and decide for myself which one of the processed casts i prefer the look of. i create another file, a copy of the cast which is an abstract of the first. i have srtipped all of the previous context away from the item. i have an opportunity to add new context to the new cast by applying a name, a description, of what the item is. i could grab anything from anywhere to describe the item, however when talking about the description that would not be a very long conversation. i acknowledge that i can reference the abandoned context to give meaningful context to the newly made cast.

in my mind i now have created a memorial for the nut, that through it’s new cast, i can talk about in the future. the item has had something meaningful applied to it so that when i finally have to discard the item a cast of it remains.

i think back to the studio. the collection of abandoned items, what of their contexts, what of their casts, what of their meaningful ends and i am of course assuming that they are abandoned.

dam, it’s all becoming about storey and context. that’s not visual is it, well it is, visual words, formal widely understood language. visual language is a code and the viewer will draw on their own decoding skills and resources to determine what the piece says. what if the work is a painting with colour strewn around the space in a manner that only the applier can understand, what then? me the viewer will look at the strewn pigment and be left with hopeful ness ness that something inside is triggered. at the moment of giving up, the back up of course is our widely understood communication method, words.

if words are so powerful, where does visual communication stand if the pigment says nothing?

oh !!!!

and there’s the moment.

there’s the beauty.

just because strewn pigment evokes very little in me, it cannot be assumed that the rest of those intentionally viewing it, will have a similar reaction.

i get to friday and need to take time out on the sofa to reflect a little. there has been some early stage politeness and stuff and wednesday was fun and yesterday was a day where i didn’t seem to do anything yet i got done loads.

actually yesterday was doing loads of now, stuff connected to the days preceding which went a little against the optimism of doing stuff not yet done in the future, on the residency. while i was in the studio in the afternoon, a chap popped in looking for some assistence of a purely technical nature. he does flying kites with skate boards and was so into it he wanted to film himself from his own helmet’s point of view. he’d popped in to get some gaffa tape to stick his camera to his helmet. i looked at his helmet, playing with his camera realised that the two together could become very unstable. oh i forgot to mention, i got involved with the conversation as it happened near me and i found it interesting. we got talking and i think a collaborative opportunity might come out of it. he wants to use the stuff he thinks he’ll shoot and isn’t really into editting, so i told him i like to edit found footage, well stuff i’ve not shot, and maybe i could do something with his footage.

funny how the language can’t cope with video, still saying footage, maybe in time it’ll become ‘working with the files you created’

in other news, i got online at the studio, very quickly and easily, allowed me to check in with what else needs checking in with. the website i’ve finished recently needed some minor tweaks.

i did get a little frustrated, i had wanted to continue to play with the device i got access to on wednesday, video and stills. an intivation or was it a challenge or merely have you thought of doing… had been bandied about me prior to going.

there’s been a lot going on this week. a little slow, yet movement, towards a slow increase in momentum to some noticeable stuff. no over all direction seems to be before, other than going back to a place where an origin remains. i’m slightly on the outside of that, feeling a bit like an observer. this is simply because i’m not fully engaged as yet. i am still observing and collecting research material. in my mind i’m continually on the brink of having to address a thousand people about what i’m doing, so i continually attempt to construct something amazing, where as in the real, physical, actually happening around me world, i am merely observed for what i do. in finding extra weight in the doing, i know i have more fun and do more and subsequently have more to talk about.

what hadn’t been made clear was the residency started on the 26^th of july.

this morning i got there early, i’ve got things to do this week and obviously am really keen to be part of the fabulous opportunity that has come my way. i was greeted with smiles and a cup of tea.

what i’m liking so far is a lack of ‘the big deal’. there were things going on around me so i was able to drink tea and look around, walk around, observe, take some pictures. it struck me that in this place a certain amount of collecting stuff, or is it amassing of stuff that has gone on. i’m going to ask if the things laying around are here for any particular purpose of if they are materials waiting to be manipulated and challenged.

there seems to be a good amount of space. i don’t know how many how people work out of here. i’m being quite quiet, this has come so out of nowhere that i feel i can be my quiet self, not having to place any social frontage to get myself seamlessly into another social seem less situation.

i have had a conversation about expectation. all that is expected is that i feel relaxed enough to do something here. i got the feeling there is space and time to talk should i not feel relaxed. at some point i might have the conversation with them about the weight of expectation that i feel in new situations. i don’t really know where it stems from. by focussing on it i suppose i make it bigger and more real, rather than accepting that it’s some sort of mental construct and as such can be deconstructed. i need to work on that. and i am of course placing a lot of expectation on them to be part of a conversation i begin about my weight of expectation. gosh, i see that as almost being quite rude actually. no wonder i pick up vibes in new situations, have i been coming across rudely because i want to talk about mental conditions that in that moment are bothering me. now there’s a question i’ll probably never get a straight answer to.

i was taken out for lunch too. a very settling experience, given that this has taken off so quickly. i was glad of an opportunity to voice things that had been concerning me and also that tomorrow is a prearranged day out so i’ll not be in at all tomorrow. lunch and conversation was rather lovely and this afternoon i’ve even done a little mark making and thrown some colour around.

so a bit of an angsty day two, i guess pretty normal given the circumstances.

i?ve been offered a six week residency at the purple shed studio. it’s come out of nowhere and i have no idea what to make there. it’s ok as they are ok with me experimenting with ideas. i?ll not get to see the place until later.

luckily i?ve been at a bit of a loss what to do lately, so i am able to take full advantage of the offer. they seem quite relaxed about me starting when i?m ready and doing what i want. they tell me that there are resources available that i can respond to, or make stuff with or merely move about so the place looks different than when i began.

it’s quite lovely that this has come to me with out having to write reams of statement and intention. having said that, with the offer i need to find intention, or do i? why do i need intention to begin with. maybe something will follow from the studio, to give me some boundaries. i might have a chat with them, maybe out of a conversation the direction will be specified. i?m hoping there is no predefined destination. oh hang on, they?ve stated experimenting is ok. ok, i?m getting excited and filling in gaps that aren’t actually there.

to fill in some actual gaps i?ll go and write some stuff in a book, with a pen. kind of old fashioned, however it’s a technology that works consistently and needs very little electricity to make it work to be read.