Tina Gonsalves, Chameleon Project, Prototype 08 – Lighthouse Residency August 2009

I shot Helen in the studio last week. It was our third shoot together. By the time she entered the studio last week, I felt like I knew her – as I had spent a lot of time in the studio editing her. Below Helen writes about her experience of being infront of the camera, asked to express different emotional states.

Helen :
This intimate relationship with a camera lens was a new experience for me and I found its scrutiny a great challenge. I learned that while it becomes possible to represent a range of emotions, the sudden and immediate proximity of some, particularly sadness and fear, was potent and very real.

I shot Sereena in the studio last week. Sereena is 24 years of age and going into her second year of University studying Music Visual Art and performance. She is of mixed heritage of Iranian/Jamaican decent and was born and brought up in London. Her Father is Iranian and came to Britain at the age of 23years old just before the Iranian revolution in 1979.

Sereena “I do not really know where to say I’m from, I was born in London raised there and in greater London with both parants till the age of 6years then with my Mother.”

“I used to sing in a Trip Hop Blues band which I absolutley loved. Before starting this course I probably saw myself more as a singer, but now I think of myself as more of as a performance artist. I love traveling like the majority of people that seem to live in Brghton. I Love food, cooking it, eating it! I like swimming as I’m a bit of a water baby! I love socialising and bringing a smile to friends and strangers faces”.

Sereena :

The whole process from entering the darken studio, to being confronted with a camera that stood only half a metre away from my face, I instantly thought would promote a perhaps less sincere and maybe uncomfortable response; but I was amazed to find how easily my recalling of these particular emotionally significant events unraveled, and how moments of embarrassment were soon ousted. The process in a strange way behaved as a form of therapy – as how your emotion pour out when you go to see a counselor. In previous years I had always just pushed my emotions to aside without really acknowleging them, but as I’ve got older I’ve learnt that all that does is turn into an unhealthy repression which subsequently, only damages myself.

I shot Ron Hassell in he studio last week. Ron is 86. We spent about an hour and a half together. Below he writes about his experience in the studio, of being asked to express ’emotions’ in front of the camera. Earlier in the week he wrote to me about an article in the guardian – “Extract from an article in today’s Guardian, (no, not the Independent), about an exhibition at the British Museum. Thought you might be interested”.

Tina Gonsalves – the ariticle writes about the exhibition at the Natural History Museum, which these project is currently part of. “After Darwin: Contemporary Expressions”

Ron Hassell. “Scientists also saw the benefits of photography and there are grimly fascinating portraits of the French neurologist, Guillaume Duchenne de Boulogne using electrical stimulation to activate individual facial muscles and forcing his patient to look happy or angry”.

Ron Hassell : Recollecting incidents

Recollecting incidents in one’s past that gave rise at the time to feelings, and often expressions of, sadness anger, etc., does not necessarily mean that these earlier reactions will repeat themselves. This does not imply that these reactions were in any way ‘wrong’ or ‘false’, merely that life has moved on and that whilst these memories remain important they no longer evoke the same physical responses.

There arises then the situation that should one be asked to recall some of these earlier incidents, in order to portray various emotions, one feels obliged to simulate or act them. This does not imply duplicity in any way. But the ‘director’ may feel the need to encourage, or illustrate to, the ‘interviewee’ a little, as did Tina, if the acting abilities of the subject are limited. It is a very fine point as to whether these expressions are true or accurate or genuine.

I shot Julie Watson last week in the studio. We spent about an hour and a half together. I asked Julie to write about how she felt in the studio. Again, the post is cut into two sections.

Julie Watson 08/08/09 Contagion Experience for Tina Gonsalves Lighthouse Brighton

part two.

Tina said, ‘Okay we’re going to do sad next,’ and before I had the chance to turn around from the camera, the sadness came. It came so quickly and from such a deep space I felt as though I filled the room with this overwhelming deep grief and sadness. I felt messy and really really sorry for myself and very very lonely which made me feel even sorrier for myself. Rejection, mid-life crisis, fed up stressed out pissed off. Half of me felt the need to explain which I sort-of did, but then Tina left me to it. So I just carried on but I was still a good girl and tried to keep looking in the camera (maybe if it’s good she’ll use me and so they’ll all see I’m sad – I’ll be famous for sad!) Then as quickly as it came, it left. And I felt so much better.

Tina returned to the room and I felt like she had been my therapist and that I owed her £50 for the session. I also felt bad because I really invaded the space with all this personal stuff and I felt like Tina is so open I didn’t want to contaminate her with all this stuff! After a powder room break we carried on.

I barely remember the other emotions. Surprise was like slapstick, I couldn’t think of how I display surprise – although there’s fast surprise (what was that noise?) and slow surprise (did I really win the lottery? Are you serious?!)

Anger wasn’t fun because I just felt like I looked like my Father who used to fill the room with anger and clenched teeth. Yuk.

Disgust was also difficult – Tina was guiding me through and we were thinking about shit like in the film ‘Slum dog Millionaire’, but for some reason shit wasn’t doing it for me and I relied more on my (very dormant) acting skills.

Afterwards I walked back through town in a trance. I kept bumping into people I knew (Cue happy face!). There was 1 person I saw who I knew I could talk to about the experience and he was really understanding which was nice, and by the time I rode my bike to my friend’s Birthday party on the beach, the experience was still with me, but I felt grounded and peaceful and confident.

The experience has since stayed with me, and I still feel bad for the artist having to deal with my meltdown and was worried that she might think I’m completely nuts! She has since reassured me she doesn’t..

I shot Julie last week in the studio. We spent about an hour and a half together. I asked Julie to write about how she felt in the studio. Again, the post is cut into two sections.

Julie 08/08/09 Contagion Experience for Tina Gonsalves Lighthouse Brighton

part one.

When I volunteered for Tina I didn’t know what to expect. I knew she was working within science and the arts about facial expressions, and emotions, and I also knew that she worked with film. So I wasn’t sure if she was going to put weird suction cups onto my face and hook me up to some machine, or if it was going to be more film work. I volunteered because the subject interests me, and because I am feeling a bit emotionally raw I thought I’d be a good subject – plus at 42 I’m a bit older than most people who probably volunteer.

The artist made me feel very comfortable and relaxed. I enjoyed the conversation throughout the experience.

The experience was odd in a number of ways. It’s a bit egocentric being in front of the camera with a close head shot. I enjoyed that because it made me feel like a film star or something. I felt like: ‘wow! I hope she chooses to use me for her work, I’m going to really try to please her! I’ll be really good and do exactly what she says.’ This says so much about me actually…

So when Tina asked me to do ‘happy’ I am a master of happy – I am so happy – man o man am I happy – oh yes I can do warmth and ooze happy I am so good at happy and sharing happy and loving happy love vibes throughout the room and thinking about little JoJo and Gabe as babies gurgling away and smiling up at me oh how sweet yes happy and also I remember Santa Fe along the Pecos River sun swimming free peaceful friends freedom youth happy sooo happy

And then I was back in the room and I was getting a little tired of happy that suddenly I felt like that Barbie doll in the film Toy Story smiling, waving goodbye and then saying ‘Are they gone yet? My cheeks are killing me!’