Body Talks (2/2)
This time around I’m struggling with the meaning of the project itself. It seems to do all with the description of my original ideas. When I filled the application I wrote a quick brief about exploring the themes ageism, mid-life crisis, of not being in control of the time passing by and how the body reacts to these changes. I wrote the brief in the spur of the moment as these themes are very personal to me and it pretty much felt like an idea of a solo performance. Except that I described it as a piece performed by others and directed by myself!?
All was decided 3 months ago, around November – December 09 and 3 months later I’m in complete different state of mind. I’m not that interested in these themes anymore but more drawn to exploring Men’s perception of their body at different age milestones and how it impacts on the image they have of themselves, their sexual persona and their social behaviour.
While I feel quite satisfied about this change of direction, I’m still not feeling confident with the delivery of Body talks. I suppose because I’m moving at two different speeds all at once. The project is scheduled for 3 nights in between march 22nd and 26th and so I shall by now have a clear idea of its structure, of the performers I want to work with, of what the piece will look like and how to market it. But I don’t!
3 weeks ago I spent a couple of days making a timeline of what needed to be done and on paper the plan is very solid although requiring a lot of work to be done in a such small timescale. I’ve started get through my to list and I’m getting some results but I’m still unsure it’s working the way I’d like it to work. At this stage my personal feeling about it all I’m pretty much running the project in reverse. I’m still having the habit of putting together a theatre production and it doesn’t match with the way I feel like to conceive this piece.
I like the fact the work comes to fruition as I go along, allowing the changes to occur, myself to go back and forth as I experiment with new ideas on the way. Sticking to a clear idea so quick so soon seems to kill my ability to be creative, or at least to be excited about the work I’m about to make. This creative freedom, in an ideal world, is pure bliss but then how am I suppose to start properly working on a piece which involve other performers if I can’t stick to the ideas I’ve got? How am I supposed to market it efficiently if all comes together few days before the first day of the show? There’d be no need to ask these questions if the work wasn’t going public and no money was involved. But – and fortunately so – it does require a public and the costs need to be matched!
How am I going to make it all work? I still have no idea!?? Taking a break from the project felt very good today and while I know deep down I have to stick to the delivery plan I made somehow, perhaps I should just jump in the unknown and let my instinct guide me for now. And that’s me being all cryptic again…
