teetering, slippage, dismembering, remembering, boundary, folding, shifting, sliding, collapse, distort, surface, edge, deconstruct, broken, flux, chaos, vicissitude, slippage, deconstruct, assemblage, slump, fluctuate, collapse.
“The work is to keep doing the work.”
When I read that in Estés’ Women Who Run With Wolves I felt some kind of relief. It makes it ok to never actually be ok, or more accurately to never reach an end-point of okness. When you are ok it’s fleeting and when you’re not, you will be again sometime.
The gathering and loosing of money, opportunities, love, people, possessions, resolve, confidence, hope etc happens. Ebb and flow.
All or nothing.
Calm in a crisis.
Hungry for company/solitude.
Accumulation and loss of course go hand in hand.
The accumulation of detritus is breaking the sea/land, & pollution the air we breath. And so it is true on a personal level.
When I draw I’m really looking. It’s chance to be offline, to be alone, and for a change, to actually be alive.
The here and now.
Remembering is the opposite of dismembering, it is reconstructing what happened; a time, a place, an event or a loved one. English doesn’t seem to have a word other than ‘to miss’. It is an inadequate verb. When I miss its like a full body dip, a submersion into the absence of a past that feels like a right or a part of me. I’ve been severed, it has been dismembered from me. Missing is like a visceral re-membering of the past, a past which made me who I am. The re-membering is melting and distorting and becoming more and more inaccurate with each revisit. Like a photocopy of a photocopy, it looses definition each time until I’m remembering the rememberings and I am entirely inauthentic and lost.