We have to give the spare bedroom to my daughter because she is still sharing with her younger brother. I am happy to do so, but I also feel extremely jealous of the privacy of a room that I never had. I want to have a space for myself. I had to pack away all my art materials and art books from that room and store them in an unaccessible place. I feel a lump in my throat and I want to cry. This if affecting me in a deeper way than I can rationally explain. I feel my house is not mine, I have possession only of the kitchen but as the result i have no mental and physical space for making except my shed in the garden for ceramics. I need a studio in the house for my art books and materials to be out and in reach.
I was writing a post on the day the website was switched off for two hours and I lost my text. I can't remember at all what I was writing about, so many things have happened in these 10 days and life is quite different. My Mother in Law died suddenly and she was the first of her generation in our families to go, creating a big change in how we do things. We will miss her a lot especially the children and my husband for whom he was the ultimate sponsor and supporter in whatever he did. We have thought a lot about life and death in this week and came to think that actually she wanted to go she was not enjoying life for 10 years and the only source of happiness were our achievements and her husband's good health. We want our parents to stay the same we think they will always be there but we have to face their departure sooner or later and it is a big shock. we had a week if family cuddles and of being together and we feel we have already moved on, but this will be felt with sadness at every festival and celebration the first of which is in two weeks.
