I’ve decided to propel myself into 2011 on a wave of optimism. This is based on the belief that it must be time for things to get a bit better. The past two or three years seem to have been Yin years, dominated by deep dark shadows, solitude and passivity. This year is going to be a year of Yang, characterized by light, heat and creativity. Obviously its all a part of Taoist philosophy that the two elements have to intermingle in order for life to exist. But in essence I think I need to become more dragon than tiger in 2011…. and start breathing a bit more fire.
I went for my interview at the London Consortium yesterday. As an interview performance it certainly wasn’t perfect, but I do feel that I at least represented myself as an interesting, proactive and enthusiastic candidate. The interviewers (the amazing Steven Conner http://bit.ly/f8zCpy and his colleague Sarah) threw some incredibly interesting questions at me, including: can the pathology of the internet be seen as exclusively male? And what about the connections between women and the internet? It really does seem to be the gender issue that people pull out as the flaw in my proposal, so I perhaps have to reconsider or remove this aspect? My recent thoughts on archiving symptoms don’t necessarily deal with gender anyway, so perhaps this aspect will fall away naturally.
Yesterday I stumbled across this article in the Guardian http://bit.ly/fQQelY. I wish I had seen it prior to my interview as it certainly would have been something to flag up. Its the story of Simone Black who posted a facebook status update on Christmas Day saying “Took all my pills, be dead soon, bye bye everyone.” Its an online suicide note in ten words and its utterly chilling, especially given that out of Simone’s 1,048 facebook friends, not one stepped away from their computer to go and see if she was still alive. She was found dead later that evening.
I find it interesting to consider the motives of such a public cry for help. Clearly Simone didn’t have anyone around her that she could turn to, so she posted on facebook in order to feel as if somebody was listening. The problem is that her post prompted nothing but bickering and abuse among those who did respond with a comment. Maybe her facebook friends were just apathetic? Maybe the words didn’t even seem real to them and were taken as an idle threat? Sometimes there is just no way of knowing the sentiments behind a person’s posts if you can’t read the subtleties of speech and mannerisms. Either way, I do believe that one of the driving forces behind this kind of internet suicide is the need to validate an individual life by sensationalizing it’s destruction. Given that most people who commit suicide tend to think that their lives are meaningless, self publication offers the opportunity to elevate self importance and to make a bigger impact with one’s decision to self destruct. I also think its about the perpetrator making others feel guilty and about spreading a general sense of futility……
Wahhhhh stop press I just got an exciting email from the London Consortium…. check out the image to your right……. I got in!!! Please excuse me while I stop writing intelligent and interesting things and break out into a one hour victory dance. Shimmy shake!!
Sorry dear readers, what an emotional roller coaster of a blog post! Yikes
