On receiving an Arts Council Grant for “A Thousand Sheep”.

On the road, problem solving?

Today , I am in Birmingham; I came to meet Teresinha, from Wild Colours company, who specialises in natural dyes. I came to get a few more tips, some plants to grow at the farm, some chopped madder roots for immediate use and a few extra ingredients.

I also set on the road to look for potential spaces for the final work and have found a possible great space available at the Custard Factory. As well as few others where I will send proposals.

I also pushed to Walsall to view Bob and Roberta Smith’s work at the New Gallery and to the Ikon Gallery, where Tadasu Takamine’s work resparked my interest for video work.

I have made 3 films with groups of learning disabled but feel that I have been avoiding the strain of new technologies within my own work.

At this point, however, when I am facing the possibility of not achievening my goals with the making of the installation(the strain of which is currently dragging me down) I am starting to think outside of the pattern I originally set to do and am considering stretching the work in an unexpected direction.

It is still very fresh(as yesterday afternoon) but feels that it could make the work all the more interesting and the making rather fun.

The problem with funding applications is that you have to shape the work in your head so neatly that it takes out of the making the surprise element which is so related to creativity.

I am learning somehow that good planning can save money, time and above all precious energy.

I just wonder to what extend I can follow this rule and remain creative.I even wonder if the answer will give me the key to the next stage of my artistic career .

Another surprise and uncontrolled element just came to me on the phone: I am loosing my big studio from next month onwards.

How much unplanned elements do I want to add to my list?

I came to my “kind of Hotel”, (cheap is not always cheerful) to find a parking ticket on my car, complained at the desk to realise it came from the last town I visited. They followed me 10 miles to come and stick it on my car and I wasn’t even parked illegaly in the first place.

The things that put you off and come in your way for no apparent reasons are part of the obstacles that could make me feel like going home at 6 am this morning and give up the all “trying to be an artist” thing.

Instead I decide to hang around for a while and go and see another gallery to try to hang some old work.

The trip is a great breath of air(fresh, I don’t know) but it is blowing my mind around and is making me think…

I catch myself wishing that my January trip to India would not just feel like a long distant memory. I gathered there a lot of material for thought and for practice but most of all, I learnt that managing the unpredictable can be a daily task. Everyday brings a new surprise and the only certainty you can have is that of the impermanence of things.

As I am working through the project, questions are arising that I had not foreseen to be part of the technicalities of this work. It is becoming clearer to me now that I did not just start another work making project but have embarked on a life changing journey which will affect my career, my life, hopefully my income and definitely my family.

I can see in the way I wrote this project that I inadvertantly integrated all the ingredients for cooking up a storm at home. The project is huge and my head is currently spinning from trying to cope with marketing, materials sourcing, research and experiments, making and sharing the process with the public. But most of all I can see the great need for me to put a business head on right from start of project as I will need to financially triple the Arts Council input(pressure’s on).

I am almost, for the first time, contemplating the possibility of not achieving my goals as set in proposal and I can see that I have taken a bigger risk than anticipated.

I am not the one to give up easily though and am currently seeking all solutions for help, including child minder and cleaner to rescue my family(all on limited budget).I am also looking at all potential help I can get from the farm(and it is already great) including volunteers.

I know, deep inside, that it is all about setting up the foundation for good working practice and am trying hard to do so and prioritise. I also can’t wait for that stage to be over and dive into the unbeatable joy of working outoor in a field, lighting fires.(must have some gypsy blood in me!)