One creative year: studio, birth and motherhood

The first month

So, as you might have noticed – I’ve started this blog at the end of January, so in theory nearly a month into the residency, but in practice I haven’t really started yet. This is frustrating but I supposed inevitable as things take time to set up. Partly this is because I was only told that I was to be awarded the residency the week before Christmas, and having spent a few weeks in limbo, I’d persuaded myself that I wouldn’t be getting it so had accepted lots of things for January.

The main thing I have done is that I have hired an assistant! This makes me feel like a proper grown up sculptor and I think it will really help me to make the most of the residency. So I have James who is a recent graduate who will be helping me 1-2 days/week. The deal is that I’m going to teach him how to mould and cast, and he will then be able to help with a lot of the production side of my work. He gets lots of experience in sculpture techniques (he is more from an installation/media background) and an insight into my world – for what it is worth.

I advertised the assistants post on University of the Arts work placement board: http://www.arts.ac.uk/student/careers/ and was really chuffed that I got over 20 applications. It was quite hard narrowing down, but I managed to get down to 5 who I invited for interview. They were all really talented, keen and good assistant potential – however 2 did stand out above the rest and I’m hoping the other one will still be available to help me if/when James needs to move on to other opportunities. Not bad for an unpaid role.

So activities this month:

– Doing my tax return for 09-10 (3 ½ days I think)

– Packing and moving studio (3 days – and not quite done yet – but much easier with James’ help)

– Trying to sublet my current studio

– Work on a portrait commission (2d)

– Finishing another commission (1d)

– Teaching 2 days per week (6d so far)

– Finding/hiring assistant (~1d advertising/managing, 1/2 d short-listing, 1 d interviewing)

– Trip to Pangolin foundry in Gloucestershire – coincidentally to drop off my Olympics commission piece and to do some H&S inductions (1d)

– Creative time in studio: 0 days :(

Well it all adds up to 19 days – and there have only been 19 work days this month so it is easy how quickly a month goes. I’ve also promised myself totally empty weekends with no commitments – this is my concession to being pregnant so I don’t get exhausted and ill. I’ve had to warn my friends that I might not see them this year, as my priorities are studio time and family, which is quite enough. Recent weekend have involved a lot of sleep.

I’ve also found I haven’t been seeing much of my 3 year old, a bit of manic time in the morning before dropping him at nursery, then on some days I just pick him up after he’s had supper and bring him home for a story and bed. I’ve also had quite a lot on in the evenings, so one week I only saw him an hour between Tuesday morning and Friday evening. Its tough and I think he is getting a bit more clingy as a result – when we are at home together he follows me round and gets upset if I pop upstairs “mummy I lost you!” So I’m trying to make sure we get regular good time together, part of this is that I’ve decided I have to get up earlier in the morning so it can be a bit more of a leisurely breakfast with a bit of time for play, rather than a battle to get him fed, dress and ready to go out the house between toddler tantrums.

At times I even forget I’m pregnant and hardly think about the upcoming birth, but the little one has suddenly got a lot more active and is reminding me of its presence doing a jamboree in my growing bump. Then I see someone with a little baby and I remember that we’re going to have ‘one of those’ soon, and I get all broody again.

I hope I can get some good creative time in February – it is looking a bit too businessy already for my liking…

To residency or not to – that was the question:

When first approached by Pangolin for this opportunity I was both excited and disappointed, and frankly quite confused.

On the one hand it seems perfect timing: following on from a 3 month residency from February to April 2010, I had realised that what I need is to consolidate the discoveries I made then and extended studio time, away from daily pressures of making a living, would be just what I meed to really develop as an artist.

I would get a great fully kitted out studio in Kings Cross to use for a year, some materials, technical support from the foundry, and if I can do the work to justify it – a solo show at the end of it, in an amazing gallery which would place my work in exactly the right context that I want it to be viewed.

On the other hand – I was pregnant, and already had a 3 year old. I had been thinking that 2011 would be mostly taken up with a maternity break whilst I cooed over a new born baby and made sure my son bonded well with his new sibling.

Should I try to persuade them to let me have the residency in another year or so, or was the risk of loosing the chance too great. Would I get more out of it in a year when I wasn’t giving birth – yes probably – but who knows – it might be harder to do it with a 2- and 5-year-old who can both talk and want to see more of me, than a new born and a 3 year old. And currently I have a great support network of family to help me with childcare which I can’t guarantee will last forever.

If I did it an could get what I hoped out of it, then I would be so much further ahead in my artistic development by the start of 2012, and I might be in a position to be taking on other even greater opportunities.

So, after a lot of soul searching and thinking and talking to various people – and, I’m so lucky for this, the encouragement of my husband and mother – I decided to put in a proposal to Pangolin London for the 2011 Sculpture Residency at Kings Place.