rolling my dung, in four acts

Well I feel very supported.. Several large stores have taken to folding their cardboard very neatly as opposed to lovelessly throwing it into their respective skips..

Good people helping me get the maximum amount of womble-activity accomplished..

don't forget I am also found in these places.. :

www.myspace.com/birgitdeubner

www.axisweb.org/artist/birgitdeubner

(there will be one of these: ' that you have to delete from the end of the address bar.. I don't know why it keeps appearing.)

After attending a talk by Hew Locke about his work, at the Liverpool Bluecoat Gallery this evening I feel reinvigorated and re-confirmed in my plans for the "7 Giants" exhibition that I am building to show at St Luke's.

I was beginning to think that perhaps I am crazy to plan to build a whole installation, of really quite large dimensions, out of cardboard…

But now that I have seen some of Hew's work, which he made in the 90's I am positively vibrant with excitement to continue on my mad quixotic venture..

So "7 Giants" there will be..

My god, I do have to say I love Hew Locke. He was a bit on the guarded side, but if he is that inspiring on a day that appears to me not to be his best then I can only say" WOW. Can someone please make sure he gets all necessary funding, so that I can follow his progress… And give him enough money to allow him to fully spread his wings. There is life in the artist and in his work.!

Am feeling very happy to have had an opportunity to hear him and shake hands, too.

(A handshake is an important barometer for all kinds of personality conclusions.. and Hew has a handshake that I sincerely approve of.)

Bravo to the Bluecoat for commissioning such an exciting artist.

Speaking to Brian Biggs I also hear that Alec Finlay may be back for a reading this summer. Oh, yes, please…

But back to me, me , me.. The life of the artist has gone mad in every possible way but I am pleased to report that somehow I seem to have become weather and life-hurricane resistant and am holding up quite well. And am still simmering the ideas and project development pool.

A particularly strategic friend of mine today did a grants search on my behalf and found a few leads that may promise some future. I love practical friends. I love some others, too. But practical ones are extra special at a time when life is throwing bad weather at me.

So if the rain could please stop (in both the literal and metaphorical sense) then I can start building my Giants.

I have to say I am very genuinely impressed with the performance of the Bluecoat today. They did so well and I left as one should always leave a gallery/ arts centre: brimming with inspiration, drive and gusto.

A sisyphean day of 30s… having freelance work at the FACT centre to earn £30 only to find a parking ticket to pay £30..

… now that was today. What do I gain from the experience? A pat on the shoulder for having tried my best. That doesn't quite seem satisfying.

A brief meeting with film-maker gained me a confirmation that he is up for filming for nothing much more than the covering of the actual expenses of doing so. Oh thank all heavens for that. Now I am short of one assistant and then the camera can roll… I think we will schedule the weekend for mid-late May or mid-June, alternatively.

All my applications came back rejected. I am an artistic reject. Let's see if I can't turn that round by 180 degrees in the next 12 months. Can I become the equivalent of hot-cake instead? My other collaborator said this: Turn towards the light… And so I shall. As spiritual as that sounds. But what is wrong with spirit? Now I have 30 days to make the structures for exhibition in St Luke's and perhaps I can find a follow on exhibition for them, too.

The 7 Giants will stand tall and proud, strong a watchful in the ruin of St Lukes which was severely damaged in WW2. The church remains a memorial to lives lost, fates suffered. Not that its presence often stops anybody in their tracks anymore to contemplate the past and it's lingering echos into this presence.. But there it stands nevertheless, a memorial. In it I will place 7 bird hides / forester's hides, standing tall on elongated legs. watchful. Whether they are friend or foe remains open. 7 giants on tall legs viewing over the space. 7 because that is the great number of fables, tales and belief.7 to indicate the quality of my thoughts and search for expression.

My project is not a statement, not a conclusion or answer but a search for truth, abstract notions of truth of who we are, us, these humans. My art work really is better described as a journey not a conclusion. To ask what my work is about is to ask "What has moved you in the past year, 10 years or in fact since you became aware of anything moving you at all." And just how does one give an answer, a concrete solid answer with brevity..? It's "always" that is in the art work, it's not the isolated moment that is in it.

A life philosophy becoming visual, tangible, solid. A sharing of intimate concerns and searches, that is what the art is. Of course I have no expectation that it is that to you, to the audience. But I hope it shows. A section of the inside of my thoughts, on exhibition in St Luke's. From the 30th of May for 2 weeks only..

My spelling makes me laugh: a wether is a castrated ram… (wether = ram; whether ..)

I am still busy collecting cardboard. Like a womble…

Tonight I sat here looking through old images that I took to draw from and I got carried away altering them, getting ideas from them. I sometimes feel like an ideas-factory. Let's just hope it's a good, stylish, chic, italian one, not a cheap chinese one with slave laborers..

I found out about a great website. I think this is where I clearly have a few adulterated genes in me… I started getting very excited when I heard about this site… A website selling hardware like nuts and bolts.

Cheaper than those dreadful chain DIY stores.. Oh, I shouldn't be mean, one of those is currently my life-saver.. Oh dear..

So re-phrasing : I very much love the chain-DIY store, it is my life-saver, yet, my wallet loves the online store more.

I hope that is suitably diplomatic?

If you want the name for the site then please contact me somehow. I can't type it here, because it sounds dreadfully dubious.. (Just apply your imagination as to how dodgy a site for nuts and bolts could accidentally have been named…So as I would prefer not to end up in someone's bad books for advertising a site that sounds like it contains nudity… but doesn't.. well, you get the picture. Contact me and I will give you the online-diy-store details).

So here in this post is a photo I took of myself for my drawing practice. The image has nothing to do with my current main project, but could easily evolve into one of my next 'sideline-projects'.

Good night.