Mmmm, the holiday was a welcomed break. I couldn’t completely switch off from the general feeling of impending doom deep in my gut but did occasionally drift away and forget myself and the tension. We hardly even mentioned the words…art, ma, exhibition, savings, invite or anything like these reoccurring themes that usually dominate. Instead we often found ourselves whimsically commenting with a bit of a sigh ‘Oh, bit grey today’ ‘Looks like rain again’ and ‘shall we take a walk on the beach’ Oh, to be a semi-relaxed person for a week.
It’s rather strange, I’ve been back 4 days and am yet to go to the studio.(have been back at work everyday since) Mark is coming to collect the work on Thursday and I feel so far away from it all that I can’t really remember if everything is ready. I appear to quite unconsciously have fallen out of gear. This has therefore led to the result of sleepless nights. My days are in auto pilot and my nights are in- ‘lets go over everything 10 times’. I will be glad to just get going with it all now. I have that usual mixture of child-like excitement and adult-like pressure that seems to build up just before an exhibition. Knowing that I have to build it all in the 4 days next week and perform on the opening night makes me feel a little bit dizzy about the week, but the thrill of having this space to show in is frantically bouncing around inside my chest. It is all a strange mix of emotions.
So down to the studio tomorrow to assess the situation, oh and hopefully catch up with the other Fellows who probably think I have disappeared.
